Endless Possibilities

Some days I feel so tired,
And I feel like nothing.
In the world's eyes 'nothing' is exactly what I am,
But in Your eyes I'm an endless possibility.

Wipe the slate clean,
And create in me a brand new canvas.
One which You can vividly paint on,
One which will allow for the endless possibilities.

I know I am exactly who I'm supposed to be in Your eyes,
Help me to be that in every day life.
Take away the masks and the fear,
Take away the preconceived notions.

Draw me to your feet,
To be surrendered in Your presence.
To love and worship You,
And simply be totally and completely Yours.

Wholly Loved...

"It might be wise to remember that Satan is the enemy of our souls...It is his voice that whispers messages to discourage us, diminish us, and condemn us. It's his voice that suggests God could never forgive us, stick by us, or love us. It is his voice that tells us we aren't good enough, spiritual enough or worthy enough to receive salvation. And it is his voice that accuses us of inadequate faith and imperfect mental health. God calls him an 'accuser' (Rev 12:10), and that very word is our cue to recognize when Satan is having a heyday in our souls. The Holy Spirit never accuses. Instead, he woos us, he wins us, and he loves us to behave better and to commit ourselves more deeply to him."

~ Marilyn Meberg


I have been home in bed sick for a few days. It's merited me a huge chunk of time to sleep and rest, but also to read and fill my mind, with His word and the words of others. I have a couple of study Bibles which I use. One is a traditional study Bible, with half a page of scripture and half a page of notes. The other is the Women of Faith Study Bible. It has character sketches of different women throughout the Bible, Bible studies intermingled throughout, quotes on some of the pages and on some pages, something specific from them is talked about in the margin.

I came across the above quote today as I was reading. It seemed very timely, considering where God has me reading in other books and because of the sermon heard on Sunday. I'm really hard on myself most days...usually allow those around me slack, but never offer that same grace to myself. I'm beginning the process of looking at that and figuring out where it comes from and then will begin the work of trying to change it.

The last part of this quote just captured my heart. It's such a precious gift...the fact He wants to woo and draw us ever closer to Him. The fact He's always there, cheering us on, encouraging us to do better and never leaving our side, even when we fail miserably. He simply helps us pick up the pieces and continue the journey. I really believe that during those perceived 'failures', that's when we commit to Him at deeper levels. Really, because at that point, it's all Him and none of us.

I wrote this poem a little over a month ago, but never got it posted. This fall has become a time of me taking off the masks...not just taking them off, but somehow smashing them, so that they are unavailable to be picked back up. That always makes for a huge vulnerability and unsteadiness, as you tread into uncharted waters. But it's a beautiful feeling when you begin to see that it is truly the right journey to take. Really, it's the only journey to take, if you want to become more mature in your walk.

At the end of the day, there isn't a lot that really matters, except that we are perfectly created by Him and wholly loved by Him...He's wooing us and wanting desperately for us to draw ever closer and embrace it!


Sometimes we live so long,
With various masks to put on.
That those masks turn from a masquerade,
To life as we know it.

It seemingly seems easier,
To live a life based on wished for perceptions.
Then to embrace the blessings in front of us,
And live the true fullness of life set before us.

Embrace all that comes your way,
Don't shy away from what's yet to come.
You may not be perfect in a world's perception,
But you are created perfectly in His eyes.

Until My Last Breath

Oh my Lord,
How I love you.

You are my strength,
You are the wind beneath my wings.
When I am down,
You are there to lift me up.
In Your eyes I'm beautiful,
And I know I can do all things through You.

Oh how I love you,
More and more with each passing day.
You draw me closer to Your feet,
And shadow me with Your love and grace.
I will praise Your name,
Until my last breath.

Stand Beside

The bad thing about having an artistic bend is that I tend to be a little disorganized when it comes to my writing. I remembered that I had wrote something a while back, but couldn't find it. See, this often happens because I've written it on a card envelope, a piece of paper that I found by the wayside or on another paper which got filed away because of the purpose it was serving.

I came across this poem...I wrote it about at LEAST a month ago on a piece of scrap paper along with a whole smack of scriptures ;D! I thought I would share...this is definitely an interesting journey without a lot of predictability most weeks and even day-to-day, but you know, that's an okay thing. I'm gonna end off with one of the scriptures that was written on the page...you can always seemingly tie things together, even though they might not have been intended that way.


And I'll never quit this trek with you,
Even though I go astray.
I always know you're by my side,
No matter what may pass my way.

But does that mean no bumps in sight?
Does that mean no heartache or demise?
All it truly means is never being alone,
Always having You there beside me.

Is it a lack of trust or shortness of sight?
Do I lack the faith to truly do this fight?
Is there ever a blue print for how things play out?
Or simply knowing that you know and that's all that ever matters.

You give me the strength to carry on when I don't want to,
You stay by my side even though I say to go.
You never give up on me, even when I've given up on myself,
Always there to love and draw me near.

A Father's love is what you offer,
To all who want it and call out to you to have it.
A simple promise to always stand beside,
Until the day that journey to You is complete.

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Give thanks no matter what happens. God wants you to thank him because you believe in Christ Jesus.

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

You Are My Love

As I sit here in the silence,
Pondering all You are.
I can't fathom all You offer me,
Despite all that I am.

I sometimes contemplate,
The roads I've already travelled.
I know You have a plan in all things,
Please help me to simply follow and accept.

You are my love,
You are my peace,
You blanket me and are always by my side.
You are my hope,
You are my strength,
When I feel like I can't go one step further.

Please help me God,
To quiet myself and listen for Your voice.
Shut out the noise and commotion,
So the confusion will die down.

I know You are the only way,
Help me never to forget.
Even when things feel so desperate,
Let my eyes be on Your light.

'Cause You are my love,
You are my peace,
You blanket me and are always by my side.
You are my hope,
You are my strength,
When I feel like I can't go one step further.

Help me see Your love,
And feel Your peace,
And always let You blanket me.
Help me know You are my strength,
And know I will never falter.

Oh I love You Lord,
You are my light.
And I need You more than ever,
Oh how I love You!

Teach Me

I would have to say that the past week has had the "Teach Me" theme stamped on it. Teach me to accept the season I'm in...to live with more grace and humility than ever before...to love deeper than I've ever loved...to live this life like I've never lived before...to not take so much for granted, but see it as the precious cargo it is...and so very more lessons which came out of this week.

I went away this weekend, as my friend put it...'to drink deeply from the well of my family'. And that's exactly what I did...I drank as deeply from their well as I could, so I could take as much of them as possible home in my heart. Leading up to leaving, I worked hard to drain my tank of some really dangerous toxins. I can't say that my tank was completely emptied, but some of it was and it allowed me to refuel in a huge way.

I know that this blog has probably been confusing for some who have come on, especially for the fact of me not saying all that's going on. I guess the easiest thing to say, is that I've been in a low...lots of things have caused it and it's been a struggle. But I came to an important place this week. There are seasons for everything and some last a lot longer than others. I'm working towards simply being content where I am and not wishing to be somewhere I'm not. I've been reading a lot about how God works through our weaknesses if we allow Him and that we do a lot of injustice, by not admitting our weaknesses or simply accepting the spot we are at and allowing Him to work through it.

So that's what I'm working towards right now. Simply being content and attempting to see the positive, no matter what the day holds. I wrote this at some point throughout the week...my writing has been focused between God and I. But, being that it's the theme for the week gone past, I thought I would share it.

Teach me to surrender
And not hold back in pride.
Help me to realize
The true benefits of you by my side.

I pray that you'll break me
As many times are required
To truly fall at your feet
And say I'm completely Yours.

To no longer want or need control,
But only truly need You.
To live each moment as the last,
No regrets or inhibitions.

Help me begin to live my life,
Like I've never lived before.
With a deep peace and love,
And complete trust in You.

No longer looking for answers,
Every place except at Your feet.
Bring me back to You I pray,
Bring me back to Your presence.

Help me feel You so strong,
That I know not fully accepting would be disaster.
Help me to say,
“At Your feet I will be, as long as You breath the breath of life into me.”

Take me and mold me as You see fit,
Break and recreate where it's needed.
As often as necessary,
No questions asked.

For Your Glory and not my fallen human nature,
I am Yours,
And through me let you be seen.
Not perfection, simply You and not me.

You...

i know i rarely show it lately
i know i rarely stop to talk
life seems to continue on despite the fact
our relationship is continuing to fall out

how we've arrived at this place
i don't really know
these things of life seem to pile up
until the light grows dim and distant

but i want You
yeah, i truly do want You
so much more of You and less of me
deep down inside i know that's how it should be

You're always there
despite what goes down
patiently waiting for me to return
i know i hurt You
as i try to walk it alone
yet You never leave my side

but i want You
yeah, i truly do want You
so much more of You and less of me
deep down inside i know that's how it should be

i need You
i truly need all of You
so much more of You and less of me
deep down i know that's how it has to be

because i need You

I Love You Sweetie...

Hey there Mr. Cinder...this post's for you.

As your arms wrap around me,
I rest in the comfort of your love.
I realize how much I take you for granted,
A dangerous step I should never embark on.

Sometimes this life is so crazy and inexplicable,
The hairiness too easily spills over and consumes.
Robbing our haven we've worked so hard to build,
Of the sanctuary of peace it should very well be.

I couldn't imagine my life without you in it,
That would be inexplicable and crazy in itself.
I love you so much more than I ever voice or show,
My wish for you is that I'll no longer take for granted the precious time we share together.

That's truly what our love is...
Precious, unconditional and a blessing beyond my wildest dreams.
Through all life has to offer,
We continue to grow and so does our love...deeper everyday.

Complex Love....

Your love amazes me,
Your devotion's humbling.
I would rather live forever with you,
Than one second apart from your presence!

Help me be Your hands, feet & eyes,
To all who cross my path.
Shine your love through me,
Help me meet people where they are, regardless of how they treat me!

Your Love

If there’s no tomorrow,
I know I’ll have you.
You are always with me,
No matter what I do.

Your love is so amazing,
So gracious and free.
You died on Calvary’s cross,
To save a wretch like me.

I know I can’t repay you,
No earthly act comes close.
To the sacrifical love you showed,
As your loving eyes drew closed.

I live to see tomorrow,
Because of your love shown.
I can only pray to heaven,
I’ll make my Savior known.
03-10-03

Life's Pools

the feeling of life being sucked out of your very being,
drowning in the chaos, the fear and so much you don't even know.
just wanting it to be taken away,
at any cost, any means.
longing for silence and peace,
instead of the feeling of drowning in this life.

how it came to this...you wish you knew,
living a facade of life being beautiful and surreal,
because you want to believe it can be that way.
longing to know what's made it not that way,
wanting the hell to disappear,
but scared to give up that underlying control.

Right Beside Me

Chaos fills the air,
Blanketing me like a dark, heavy cloud.
Bogging down every piece of me,
Feels like an albatross around my neck.

The darkness clouds my view,
Obstructions clutter the path.
A constant sense of blindness,
I feel as I navigate my way.

As I try to go this road alone,
The turmoil grows at an even faster rate.
Will I ever learn?
Is it really that bad to lean on someone?

Why can’t I ask for help?
Why do I instead turn inward?
A body full of stubbornness and pride,
Please give me instead a heart full of humility and love.

Help me see the world through your eyes,
Put my chaos at the foot of the cross.
Rest at your feet,
Drink in your peace and grace.

Walk in your presence,
Rest in your love.
Sleep in your peace,
Permeate through every part of me.

More of you and less of me,
So many times I fail you.
But you never leave me,
Right beside me to the end.

Life...

Life's so full of questions somedays,
Wondering how to live this life for You,
Instead of for those who are alongside.

Longing to understand why things are the way they are,
Hoping to have plans more clearly revealed,
Wanting to simply be content with where things are and who this person truly is.

To live for You and be who You want,
And be happy with what that is and what it brings down the path,
Instead of wishing for things to be different or have some of what there was before.


**I want to thank Joyce for the comment you left last night...it's so very true that we do often live for Him through those who are alongside us...that's the awesome thing about this life and I think it's essential!

In my life, I think I've been guilty of living my life, and aligning who I am, too much by the expectations of what those around me think things should be, rather than searching out the true direction sometimes.

It's been almost a year since our move and these words simply came as a result of entering a time of questioning some stuff ...going through my life with a fine tooth comb.**

Silenced...Accepted or Forsaken??

Silenced
Horror and anger fill the girl's heart,
A secret which she's ashamed of.
Unable to voice her anger and worry,

She's a victim who's been silenced.

I've been thinking about a lot of things this week. As I read this poem, I reflect on whether, even though a person gives everything over to Christ and commits their life to Him, there's sometimes residue which comes along.

So is that residue the result of the person not giving everything completely to Christ? Or when something severely traumatic as this even which occurred, is there the possibility of feelings deep, deep within, lingering despite the salvation which has been accepted? Or does it just take a long and deliberate path in order to completely process and get through things?

I think this mostly has come into my head, as I battle with the fact of needing to get an accountability partner. Throughout our move, my hubby has been my accountability partner and in marriage I think our spouses are that role to a certain extent, just because of the intricate and intimate relationship we share. For me, getting an accountability partner means completely setting down roots. I have to admit this scares me, as every time throughout this journey over the last few years, when I have set down roots and started to dig deep, we've then heard God's voice telling us His plan included us being elsewhere.

I think right now I'm at a point of being so tired, in terms of putting myself out there and then having everything ripped away. Don't get me wrong...every move God has taken us has been a good one and something which caused us to grow and become a little more Christ-like. It's just hard for me to let the walls down and put myself out there, and then when moved, to realize that something which you thought was a tight relationship really wasn't, at least in a lot instances. I know I have to have faith and trust me, my faith is stronger than ever right now. I think I'm just beaten down, because of so many instances in the past where I've been shunned especially because of my past or even for how I choose to live my life for Christ.

I guess that's why Silenced came to mind today. As the church we say we want to be Christ's feet, hands and eyes, but does what we say and what we truly do weave together? Do we actually come alongside people and truly accept them where they are, instead of where we think they should be on a list of preset rules or guidelines? Do we put ourselves out there and meet them where they are, or do we expect them to come to us? I know what I want to be and I try very hard to do that everyday, but I think that's mostly because I've been on the receiving end of not being met where I was and being looked upon so hard as a result of where my past choices had led me.

Praise God for a handful of very special people, who accepted me for who I was inside, despite all I did in life! It's truly because of how God worked through them that I am where I am today. I don't even want to think about the "what ifs" if things had been handled differently. Today I'm praising God as well, for a church family who truly lives out daily the act of meeting people where they are at, and accepting you for who you are, in spite of where you came from...that's Christianity at it's purest form!

Dear God...

Friendship

Friendship is something to cherish,

A bond between people which means more than any contract.

Signifying a relationship forever,

Meaning that you’ll have a shoulder to cry on always.

The caring which freely comes out,

Always there through good and bad.

Someone to talk to,

About things throughout your life.

My friends both old and new, are and have been on my mind the last few days. Things are really hectic in our household...one of those times where you're trying so hard to have your act together and keep things in a organized-chaos at least, but it seems to be in vain. I can't really say what's driving the feelings I'm having right now. I'm extremely tired and trying so hard to have a clear-mind and strong discernment, but things seem so foggy and muddled.

I'm working through my head and with God about whether or not this dream of school is just that...a dream or something He truly wants to be a reality at some point. Trying hard to figure out what I need to be looking for in finding a 'mentor' or 'spiritual coach'...that's really hard, as for me I don't want to bring another responsibility to someone's plate. What do you even look for when looking for this? For the most part in my life, I think I've just happened upon a 'mentor' or 'spiritual coach' based merely on where I was serving ministry-wise.

There's uncertainty in a major area of our lives right now...we didn't ask for it, but it's there, right in the midst of trying to prepare for a missions trip, Family Camp and just life in general. I know that He is my way, my truth and my light and He's the way, the truth and the light. I just want to be able to live life and experience it to the fullest, be able to plant my feet firmly on the ground and know that my surroundings are going to be the ones I see for a long, long time. I know that sounds selfish and lacking in faith, but it's where I am at this point in time. I'm making some new and amazing friends...I'm enjoying getting to know them and their families and I want to continue to do so.


Dear God,

I love you more then words can ever truly express. Blanket our house with clarity, discernment, your peace, love and protection...blankets all those who touch or have touched our lives with your peace, love and protection. Help me to keep my eyes fixed on you and no matter what the circumstances, continue to follow you, knowing Your will is better than mine will ever be.

Reveal Yourself

You are my truest form of life,

My strength when I am weak,

The calm before the storm,

The anchor which sustains me no matter what may come.

As I sit in the quietness of this moment,

I wait and listen for you.

For your wisdom, strength, peace and guidance,

Lead me...Your will, not mine!

Reveal Your will,

Help me to not see it as a hindrance or with fear.

Allow me to see Your will for what it truly is,

My truest blessing...worthy of my obedience and deepest devotion!

Ephesians 3:14-21 (NIRV)

I bow in prayer to the Father because of my work among you. From the Father his whole family in heaven and on earth gets its name. I pray that he will use his glorious riches to make you strong. May his Holy Spirit give you his power deep down inside you. Then Christ will live in your hearts because you believe in him. And I pray that your love will have deep roots. I pray that it will have a strong foundation. May you have power with all God's people to understand Christ's love. May you know how wide and long and high and deep it is. And may you know his love, even though it can't be known completely. Then you will be filled with everything God has for you. God is able to do far more than we could ever ask for or imagine. He does everything by his power that is working in us. Give him glory in the church and in Christ Jesus. Give him glory through all time and for ever and ever. Amen.

What's the Offence?

What have I done to offend you?
How have I hurt you?
Will you ever let me in on what I've done?
Will you ever let me make things right?
Or will you continue to hold this over my head?
Continue to treat me like an invisible brick wall?

I sit here in a state of confusion,
Trying to know how to rectify a situation,
But having no apparent clue as to what the situation is.
I long to sit in the shadows,
They are so much more welcoming,
Then the wall of silence I continue to run into every time we meet.

The wall of silence is so cold and institutional,
Clearly yelling out, "You're not welcome around me!"
Are you trying to intimidate me? Make me feel bad?
Are you trying to make me feel uncomfortable? Not welcomed?
You win...you have succeeded...I'm removing myself from this situation completely,
I want to live my life in peace, not full of dread and anxiety!

2 Timothy 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

Callings and Faith

I am taking a small break to sit and type just a little bit and then I will continue my fasting from typing on my blog a bit longer. This scripture passage was on the back on the sermon notes I'm getting ready to put into my notebook at some point this weekend. It appears on a lot of our notes and is such an amazing passage, which describes in great detail what I always talk about as "doing life together" (it's usually in NIV, but I found when I read this in a few different versions, that I really liked how it was worded in this one!).

Acts 2:42-47 (NIRV)
The Believers Share Life Together

42 The believers studied what the apostles taught. They shared life together. They broke bread and ate together. And they prayed.

43 Everyone felt that God was near. The apostles did many wonders and miraculous signs.

44 All the believers were together. They shared everything they had.

45 They sold what they owned. They gave each other everything they needed.

46 Every day they met together in the temple courtyard. In their homes they broke bread and ate together. Their hearts were glad and honest and true.

47 They praised God. They were respected by all the people. Every day the Lord added to their group those who were being saved.

This is a humbling picture in my mind, because even though we know this is how Christ wants us to live life, do we? There are so many times when the "noise" of life on this earth becomes so strong for me, that I do many times lose sight of what my true call is to be. Some days when I sit back and reflect on what all my "callings" are, I'm overwhelmed at what is required of me. I am a Child of God every moment of the day and I'm supposed to portray His love and I have to really reflect sometimes on whether I'm doing all that I can do and see if I need realignment, need to be broken of some things and begin the process of remolding and reshaping. The huge questions I have to ask myself at the end of everyday...Did I really portray an attitude and behavior that would be pleasing in God's eyes? Am I being the best spiritual role model I can be to my children and to those around me? Was I loving, caring, integral, compassionate, etc.? What do I need to work on changing and how will I accomplish it?

I will be continuing to reflect and fast from my blog throughout the next little bit. I have been and need to continue to be lifting three very special and integral women of God up in prayer. They are such amazing people and portray a life of hope, true faith and servanthood to God. There are so many times in this life where you realize that nothing's more important than being there for those around you in whatever way they need you...that's what the church, family and friendship should truly be!

I am also for one reason or another, dealing with some fear over my upcoming journey overseas...not really fear exactly, but a jitterness mixed with a whole heap of excitement, anticipation and inadequacy. It's really hard to explain, but this was a "vision" in my head for over a year and I honestly never thought it would become a reality. You have things which feed your mind...you're not a "missionary" (when we truly are all missionaries every day, no matter where we are, as our whole life's a mission-field), you're not going to be able to do what needs to be done (I wouldn't have been called if I didn't?!) and just a multitude of other things. So I need some time to really talk heart-to-heart with God and give all my fears and concerns to Him, continue to have the faith I've always had...that He has purposes for everything, reveals things in His perfect timing and we just have to continue to trust completely and openly that His plans are what need to take place. No one ever said that choosing to step out and live in faith was always easy, but in the long run, it is the most amazing lifestyle choice you can make!

Faith
A beautiful feeling,
Fills my heart.
Every time I think,
Of that wonderful day.
The day I pledged my deepest faith,
To Jesus Christ my Savior.
That step which brought me so close,
To my heavenly father whom I love so dearly.
Now a relationship so close and dear,
I am able to have with no fear.
Forever until I die,
My faith I will continue to pledge so high.
The gift of eternal life he handed to me,

The day I pledged my undying faith.

Life's An Interesting Ride...Part 2

It's been an interesting time in life for me...this post, like most of my writing is just simply coming from within and sometimes is also all across the board (I'm sorry if this one goes in that direction, but that's what my mind's been doing the last little bit!) I don't ever really plan what I'm going to say or write...it just comes to me and there are times when I'm too busy and ignore what's in my head and it goes away, but there are also times when I ignore it and there's a continual prodding to get paper and write it down. This poem was one of those times...I was having one of those days when you're just behind from the start and nothing seems to be going the way you want it to...let's face it, for me there are weeks where it seems that way! This poem came to me and I said I don't have time to write it down, I'll do it later. I heard a still, small voice which said, "Write it down now...you'll understand why later!" So I sat down and took the 10-15 minutes to hurriedly write it down and then I continued on with my day. Later that afternoon I got a call from Mr. Cinder and he said he'd received his notice...it wasn't a surprise, due to the industry he was in at that time, but you tend to secretly hope and pray that it won't happen to you. For us, it came almost exactly two years to the day that his former company had decided to restructure and had called him in and said he longer had a job. It's times like these where you sit back and ask the question, "Why me?" But for us it was also a time when we found a great deal of strength in our faith...we knew that there was no other choice, but to give it to Him and trust that He knew best for our family. That's not easy and it doesn't happen overnight, but in the same sense, I couldn't fathom not having that strength to draw and lean on!

I look at this poem and see so much truth for what I see in my life and marriage. I was young when we met, but I knew that I wanted to be with this man for the rest of my life, without question and that will always be the way it is! We joke sometimes that there may be times where you don't always like the other person, but you love them no matter what. I had friends who tended to be cautious about marriage say to me, "How can you truly say FOREVER at your age?" I told them I could, because that's what I wanted my marriage to be. Just like having my heavenly Father's unconditional love forever, I know that no matter takes place in this life and no matter He leads us, that I'll have my soulmate with me...it's a precious gift that Christ gives us, by giving us a forever friend to walk together in life with.

I was talking with friends this morning about what we would ever do if something were to happen right now to us or our spouse. This crosses your mind at certain times throughout life...I thought about it a lot this summer, when we were in separate cities and we especially thought about it this fall when our friend was near death. We sat down and discussed the fact that no matter when this happens...we're human and death at some point is inevitable...we want the person to continue on with life and to find someone to spend their life with. I've had other friends who say, "I'm the only one for them." If I were to die, I wouldn't want my best friend to have to go through the rest of his days on this earth alone. Do I want to think about if that were to ever occur? No, but I think when you choose to become one with another person, you have an obligation to speak about all issues...including life and death and all the aspects which come with death...funeral arrangements and wishes, having a will, especially when you have young kids (the last thing you would ever want if both of you were to die, is to have a fight over who gets custody of your kids...they would endure enough without needing more stress and uncertainty), moving on after the death of either of you, your wishes for your spouse and your kids and also making sure your loved ones around you are aware of these things.

Well, I'm going to end off with my poem now...I don't really know why this post came out today, but it's what came into my head. I guess when you go through a time of reflection in life, God brings all things to the forefront...for me, I see it as a concreted way of bringing clarity to me! I guess my wish for me in this life would be to be the best I can be in all my roles of life. I want to be the wife and support system that my husband needs, the example and nurturer that my kids need, a friend that my friends know they can depend on, but that won't be a burden or hurtful to them, but just walk alongside and be there, not be annoying and whatever I need to be in all my other roles! Life would definitely be a lot less interesting and fun if it were the same thing over and over again...there are times when I love to see those pockets of even roads and familiarity, but then after a while, I ready for another huge ride of life!

Our Ride of Life
What a ride we enjoy together each day of life,
Through forks and roadblocks, we continue on together.
By my side is the truest love I’ve ever known,
My closest friend to have ever crossed my path.
You complete me more fully than I thought I could ever be completed,
Truly handpicked by the only person who knows me more than

I truly know myself.
My heavenly Father, who so faithfully cares for me with fatherly love,
Looking out for me in this world of selfishness and the

“what’s in it for me” attitudes.
Granting me the special blessing of a life together with my best friend,
Side-by-side, hand-in-hand, we’ll walk the winding roads of life together.
Sharing in the pleasures and joys of life,
Growing closer, as one in love, when dealing with the

hardships and trials of life we’ll face.
No person in this world I would rather have by my side,
My love, I long to be completely one in spirit together.
As we grow closer everyday, I am excited and awed by the

new things God reveals about you,
I long to know you more.
I am truly yours forever,
I feel completely protected in your arms.
My guide through life you will be,
With him as our ultimate roadmap.
Truly exciting adventures we will have,
Together, we will enjoy them so much more than if we were apart.
Our love for each other is his gift to us,
The relationship and life we continually create together is the ultimate

gift we will ever give to each other.
As we continue the path of life together, I give you my unconditional promise,
Of the vows I promised you the day we started this journey

together as husband and wife.
I take you to be my wedded husband,
To live together according to the pattern of God’s Holy Word.
I will love and cherish you,
Honor and sustain you,
In sickness and health.
I pledge myself to be true and loyal to you until

the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Or until God separates us by death.
Forever, on this amazing ride,
I will be by your side with love and true devotion for you, my true completion!

Memories of Grandpa

It's been quite the week...I've been doing a lot of personal reflection and dealing with a whole lot of tears and turmoil, as I reflect on what needs changing and how I will accomplish that. I've been thinking a lot about my grandparents, both those who are still here and those who have already left this world. They are all an inspiration to me and sometimes going into thought about them and who they were helps to bring some clarity to some of the situations I'm going through. It also gives me perspective on what's important in life...it reminds me to turn to God and fix my eyes on Him, as He's always here with me and even through tests in this life, He'll never allow one too hard for me to pass. I've always come out of tests and valleys stronger than I went in and this current one will be no exception. I thought I would post this...it's been sitting in the box, waiting for me to press publish, so here it goes!

In the fall of 2004, our family dealt with an extreme amount of stress and trial. My uncle had been diagnosed with terminal cancer in the spring and was going downhill fast. My mom's site in her arm for receiving dialysis was full of infection, ready to burst and would make her very sick if that happened. She was scheduled to go into hospital for surgery...the day before she went in, my Grandpa (her dad) became very sick...my parents spent the night by his side, as he wanted everyone with him that night. She ended up having three surgeries in 6 days...during that time in hospital, I was called to come home, as my Grandpa wasn't going to make it.

I watched him be near death and hardly breathing, and then sit straight up in bed to say hi and shake someone's hand. It was as if he was waiting to see everyone he could...to say goodbye...once he had seen everyone he could, he began to let go. My sister and I were with him, comforting him, as he took his final breath. Then we travelled back to be with my mom and to help my dad break the news to her. The day my mom was released from the hospital, we found out my uncle had passed away as well. At my Grandpa's funeral, all six grandkids were pallbearers and each wrote a part of the eulogy. It's funny the things you forget to tell your kids and how kids can make a really sad situation a little lighter. As we lowered my Grandpa into the ground, my kids whispered really loud, "Why are they putting Great-Grandpa in that hole?" It made for some giggles by the mourners and brought smiles to our faces in a really hard time. Afterwards, we packed our kids up and made the journey one province over, to attend my uncle's funeral the next day.

I found my part of the eulogy and thought I would post it, with some minor changes...my Grandpa was my "hero"...he overcame so many obstacles in his lifetime...he had a stroke two weeks before I was born and wasn't expected to live, but he did. He came home, was able to walk with a brace and a cane, ride a three-wheeled bike and eventually got his driver's license...he was a truly amazing man!

As I was thinking about what I would say today, the words we said to our kids as we told them about their Great Grandpa “echoed in my head”. Our kids were sad about not being able to see Great Grandpa anymore and we told them that the best way to remember their Great Grandpa was by the memories they had of him.

The boys said they’ll remember the fun they always had taking Great Grandpa for rides in his wheelchair, even though they tended to run into the walls a lot! The funny thing was that Grandpa didn’t mind—he would put his hand out before they ever hit the wall, and if we tried to take control of the pushing, he would tell us no. Because he was so proud not only to be Grandpa to six adoring grandchildren, but also to be Great Grandpa to nine adoring great-grandchildren, and anytime he got a chance, he was proud as pie to be able to “show them off”!

“My hero” is a fitting description of my grandpa. I was always so proud to tell people everything my grandpa was able to accomplish. I remember seeing grandpa out riding his three-wheeled bike when I was out for recess at school or driving his truck—an accomplishment and dream he was so excited to have been able to make a reality!

Grandpa enjoyed going out driving and would just laugh when Grandma complained about his “heavy foot”. Sometimes we may have made it to our destination quicker than we should have, but it was always safely! Truck rides were always a fun time with Grandpa and Grandma, as it meant we were going out to the cabin, to the Garden Market or simply to the mall to go shopping.

As I was writing this, the many memories of Grandpa and my grandparents were going through my mind. One, which sticks out, is one summer Saturday night when my uncle gave my sister and I a frog and told us to give it to Grandma as a present. We liked frogs and didn’t see any reason not to share our find with Grandma and Grandpa. Well, I don’t know which reaction was funnier—the fact Grandma screamed and jumped a foot in the air or that Grandpa almost fell out of his chair in tears, because he was laughing so hard!

I read a poem yesterday which reminded me of Grandpa and what I think his wishes for us would be and I wanted to share it with you:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough “hellos” to get you through the final “goodbye”.

Grandpa was a kind and loving man, who loved his family more than anything! I will remember him for his courage and his perseverance in all that came his way, but especially I’ll remember his smile and his booming laugh, as I saw these every time we were together. I know if each of us can carry even a little of these qualities with us, we will be better people for having had Grandpa in our lives.