So Much of Everything

Love

Peace

Joy

Hope

Strength

Endurance

Faithfulness

Perseverance

Never-Ending

Always Present

You are these and so much more to me each and everyday. No matter has came, what is here or that which is yet to come...you are there. What I am on my own is nothing in comparison to what I am in You! You show me things about myself I didn't know existed...You push me to be more then I ever dreamed possible to be...You strengthen me to persevere through, even when I'd rather sit down and give up. No amount of words can truly express who You truly are and all that You truly do.

All Things Are Possible

Darlene Zschech

Almighty God my Redeemer, my hiding place, my strong refuge

No other name like Jesus, no power can stand against you

My feet are planted on this rock and I will not be shaken

My hope it comes from you alone, my Rock and my Salvation

Your praise is always on my lips, your Word is living in my heart

And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will bless you Lord

You fill my life with greater joy, as I delight myself in you

And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will bless you Lord

My feet are planted on this rock and I will not be shaken

My hope it comes from you alone, my Rock and my Salvation

Your praise is always on my lips, your Word is living in my heart

And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will be bless you Lord

You fill my life with greater joy, as I delight myself in you

And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will bless you Lord

When I am weak you make me strong,

When I'm poor, I know I'm rich for in the power of your name

All things are possible, all things are possible

Refreshment...

"OUR DEEPEST fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. "We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

(Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love; HarperCollins, 1992)

I was at a Women's conference this weekend and this passage was quoted. It really caused me to look back over the past while and truly examine all aspects of my life. It took me inward, because it speaks so much truth. We are truly all meant to SHINE in this life. The way in which we SHINE will be different for each individual, because He so carefully and lovingly created us with that immense individuality. And when we begin to want to SHINE, it is infectious in a very good way.

I came away from the weekend with a lot of things...here's just a few:

One...we all have our own unique make up and those make ups have their strengths and weaknesses. The way to optimize how God has created us is to 'maximize our strengths and minimize our weaknesses.'

Two...God doesn't place anything within our past that He wishes to be wasted. By talking with people, sharing and using whatever other avenues available, we are able to take even the bad and create good through it.

Three...it doesn't matter how many people you forgive, if you haven't forgiven yourself, you will never acquire true peace and freedom.

Four...listen hard to that inner voice, as that's the most optimal way God finds to voice direction to us and bring strength, peace, love and comfort in all circumstances.

Five...everything must have a home. An uncluttered life begins with an uncluttered home.

In amongst the sessions, we were treated to a banquet on Friday night, lunch Saturday, along with some really yummy desserts. I also got to have a mini manicure...the first one I've had since I got married. It was very long overdue and so very awesome!

I think what I loved the most about the conference were the awesome women from my church that I was blessed to attend this conference with. This was a great opportunity to get to know each other a little better and to have great times of fellowship! I came home very refreshed and will definitely be gathering a group of women to attend this conference next year.

Love...

**My son brought this home for me the other day from school. He had a big grin on his face and simply said, "Here ya go mommy!" My oldest is growing into a man more every day, but I think that they always remember their mommy's love, no matter how old they become or where they go. Just the same, no matter how old they get or where they go, their mommy will always love them with all she's got.**

My Mother

She's always working hard at home,

Or busy at her job.

She's always reading stories, too,

Or teaching me a game.

And whether I've been bad or good,

She loves me just the same.

Stand Beside

The bad thing about having an artistic bend is that I tend to be a little disorganized when it comes to my writing. I remembered that I had wrote something a while back, but couldn't find it. See, this often happens because I've written it on a card envelope, a piece of paper that I found by the wayside or on another paper which got filed away because of the purpose it was serving.

I came across this poem...I wrote it about at LEAST a month ago on a piece of scrap paper along with a whole smack of scriptures ;D! I thought I would share...this is definitely an interesting journey without a lot of predictability most weeks and even day-to-day, but you know, that's an okay thing. I'm gonna end off with one of the scriptures that was written on the page...you can always seemingly tie things together, even though they might not have been intended that way.


And I'll never quit this trek with you,
Even though I go astray.
I always know you're by my side,
No matter what may pass my way.

But does that mean no bumps in sight?
Does that mean no heartache or demise?
All it truly means is never being alone,
Always having You there beside me.

Is it a lack of trust or shortness of sight?
Do I lack the faith to truly do this fight?
Is there ever a blue print for how things play out?
Or simply knowing that you know and that's all that ever matters.

You give me the strength to carry on when I don't want to,
You stay by my side even though I say to go.
You never give up on me, even when I've given up on myself,
Always there to love and draw me near.

A Father's love is what you offer,
To all who want it and call out to you to have it.
A simple promise to always stand beside,
Until the day that journey to You is complete.

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Give thanks no matter what happens. God wants you to thank him because you believe in Christ Jesus.

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

the stand - hillsong united

**So I tried to post this multiple times yesterday (Wednesday) and there was no way it would. So we try yet again...**

I have been listening to "The Stand" a lot today and wanted to post it, 'cause then it'll be easier for me to access ;D!

I missed my doctor's appointment Tuesday night, due to an impromptu soccer meeting which couldn't be skipped, and am now feeling the effects of the fact I really needed to get there. I'm really tired...wishing for the day when I can actually live my life infection-free. I'm feeling like I've missed so much of the past 4 1/2 years and I really don't want to miss anymore. Learning to embrace life at the fullest, no matter how hard that is some days. It's an extremely hard task, but so very essential.

It's so beautiful here today...supposed to be really warm. I'm trying hard to see it as His love, peace, grace and sheltering arms shining so readily down today. Looking to anything I can, which will give me the strength to live out this day to the fullest and not simply survive yet another day!

Yeah..

Perfection

I took a picture of this poster when we were touring Lanka Bible College while in Sri Lanka this summer. It's one of our family's verses and I just LOVED how the artist had used the colours and the curves to portray the different parts of the verse.

This weekend I went to the Bible store to try and find some posters which would be a good 'fit' in my new office. Something that would be tasteful, yet scream 'Cinder' all the same. I was going through the posters, beginning with the little ones and when I came to the bigger ones, this was the first poster I set eyes on. I just kept saying, "I found my Sri Lanka poster with my theme verse...it's PERFECT!" And indeed it is perfect to me on the wall...it's my theme and brings back some really awesome memories and a reminder of what God does when you truly do step out in faith and obediently walk where He's calling you.

I'm really rather tired this week...learning to juggle three sports schedules, in amongst quarter-time work, teaching and then those normal responsibilities of life...being a wife, mother and everything else I tend to be in a day. I'm hoping to get to my doctor tonight and am optimistic that we'll come to a good plan about how to treat the whole health issue going on. I know this is heaping more fatigue and stuff on me, but life does go on and I think my mandate right now, is to simply live life to the fullest and be all that He's calling me to be. He's there, allowing for those little pockets of reprieve, amongst the huge busyness of life. I feel like I'm exactly where He wants me to be right now and I can't express the peace that brings.

We sang this song on Sunday at church. It's one of my new favorites and just lifts me every time we sing it. It allows me to feel closer to Him...gives me a charge to live stronger for Him...to be more attentive and quiet so as to hear His promptings...to just take comfort in knowing He's always there to take it all off our shoulders.


The Stand
by Hillsong United / Album: United We Stand (2006)
You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory

Life in His Way

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.

Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master.

Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don't take advantage of them.

Children, do what your parents tell you. This delights the Master no end.

Parents, don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits.

Servants, do what you're told by your earthly masters. And don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn't cover up bad work.

~ Colossians 3:12-25 (The Message)

Mottos of Life

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. "When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed."

~Jeremiah 29:11-14(a)

It's no secret to anyone who reads this blog that this is my motto verse in life...for myself, our family, our marriage and life in general. I'm clinging SO very hard to this verse today. I've been blessed to volunteer for a position this past year. It's been an awesome experience that words won't ever adequately describe. There's been a lot of growth in my walk, my work experience and simply in me as a person. I attribute this volunteer position to a good portion of that...it's very humbling as I think where I was, where I am and where He'll continue to take me.

Another motto I live by in my life is this...that God would place job opportunities in my life that are such a blessing, that I would love them enough to do the job for free...with my whole heart and soul, giving it my all and letting Him shine through it all. Today, I am having an interview...to possibly be able to call this volunteer position my job. It's my first interview in 11 years...yes, I worked a job for two years in my old stomping grounds, but I didn't have a formal interview for it. So, yesterday and today have so far, been full of prayer and preparation.

"His will, not mine" is what my motto is today. That He'll formulate the words to answer questions posed to me. That His love will shine through me as I have this interview. That in the end, what He wants will transpire, and that it'll be accepted with a loving and humble heart, no matter what that reply might be.

Guided Ways...

"Keep me safe, O God, I've run for dear life to you. I say to God, "Be my Lord!" Without you, nothing makes sense. And these God-chosen lives all around—what splendid friends they make! ... Now you've got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face. Ever since you took my hand, I'm on the right way.

~ Psalm 16:1-3,11

Our New Addition to Be...

Hmmm...I wonder which one will be the welcomed addition into our family? One of them will be in a month or so. We haven't let our kids in on the secret quite yet. They have been trying to wear mommy down for a very long time, in terms of welcoming a puppy into the Cinder family.

I'm sure we'll be kept busy, but it'll be a lot of fun. I probably would have been stronger, but after holding these little gaphers when they were two weeks old...well, that just did me right in...so yes, I guess I can be won over depending on the situation ;D!

A Life for the Living

This is a picture from our old stomping grounds of so long ago. I'm making a 'flying' trip up there tonight and will be back tomorrow morning to take Mr. Cinder to work, teach school and live out a 'typical' Tuesday in the life of the Cinder household.

As I go, I'm having a lot of thoughts run through my mind. It's partly where I'm at and what I'm experiencing I'm sure. I haven't been on this venue to write much, mostly because of how I explained it to someone..."that I'm worried about the fact I sometimes seem bipolar or with my back up against the wall." The bottom-line is that I haven't felt very creative lately and any time I've had free, I've wanted to spend with the people around me.

I'm doing a lot of soul-searching and that seemingly amounts to many changes when I do it. Change isn't a bad thing, especially when it's coming at the following of His prompting. I'm trying hard to be more aware of each and everything I do in my life. Every moment is precious...even those ones which are spent in thought and quiet reflection. They all count towards something eternal and for that reason, I'm really surveying things to make sure I'm living with the right condition of the heart.

Anyhow, I know that driving a ton for a pretty short period of time seems really weird and crack-potty to a lot of people. But for me, it will be an awesome time of being with Him and enjoying His beauty as I drive through His creation. It will also allow me time to be with an awesome friend whom I miss so dearly. We can be apart for months and when together, it seems we never were apart at all. This will be a time of drinking that all in and hopefully finding strength to endure this continuing battle of illness with a much better strength and positive attitude than I have fought with up to this point.

I told someone this week that my motto in this life is to give to everyone who crosses my path. To give my friendship, my heart, my support and whatever else I'm supposed to do in each situation. This is so hard sometimes, because giving of yourself opens you up to a lot of pain and heartache. But to live a guarded life I think would supply me with even more heartache and pain.

I'm thankful today for where I'm at and where He'll eventually take me. My life may not be perfect...I may not be perfect...but it's a blessing to go through life living each moment, instead of simply watching them all fly by.

You Are My Love

As I sit here in the silence,
Pondering all You are.
I can't fathom all You offer me,
Despite all that I am.

I sometimes contemplate,
The roads I've already travelled.
I know You have a plan in all things,
Please help me to simply follow and accept.

You are my love,
You are my peace,
You blanket me and are always by my side.
You are my hope,
You are my strength,
When I feel like I can't go one step further.

Please help me God,
To quiet myself and listen for Your voice.
Shut out the noise and commotion,
So the confusion will die down.

I know You are the only way,
Help me never to forget.
Even when things feel so desperate,
Let my eyes be on Your light.

'Cause You are my love,
You are my peace,
You blanket me and are always by my side.
You are my hope,
You are my strength,
When I feel like I can't go one step further.

Help me see Your love,
And feel Your peace,
And always let You blanket me.
Help me know You are my strength,
And know I will never falter.

Oh I love You Lord,
You are my light.
And I need You more than ever,
Oh how I love You!

A Vastly Different Light

"Life is hard. Most of us have reasons to lie down on life and never get up...Christ got down next to us in the grave, stayed the better part of three days, and then got up...so we'd have permission to get up too. And start living life. Beloved, let this one sink in deeply: if God allowed you to be thrown into a pit, you weren't picked on; you were picked out. God entrusted that suffering to you because He has faith in you. Live up to it. All the way up."

~ Beth Moore


I've heard a lot about Beth Moore and her writings. I haven't had a chance to read anything she's written until last week. A while ago I was looking for online Bible studies, etc. and I had happened upon a book by Beth Moore entitled, "Get Out of That Pit: Straight Talk about God's Deliverance ". At the time, I kinda put it in my memory bank and continued on my way. Last Wednesday, while at the Christian book store to run an errand, I turned and saw this book with a sales tag on it. My inner voice prompted me hard to get it, so I did and since then, when I have time to sit and read, I can't pry myself from this book.

It's caused me to reflect even deeper about a lot of things in my life...the direction it's going and whether or not I've been sitting idle, driving in reverse, in the midst of a detour, simply under construction or a multitude of other things which could be the direction of a trip. I've been thinking about the fact that there's nothing really wrong with most of these things if God is at the realm, but if we are attempting to take control of the directing, then there's endless possibilities of what could potentially go wrong.

Another thing which has been relevant lately has been my health. Deep down, I think it's probably been an issue, as to why it can't be figured out what's going on. I know it's an issue for many around me and I'm realizing that no matter how hard I might try not to, I have been drinking those into my system and this has been causing a wide variety of emotions. It came to me last night, that maybe I'm simply not supposed to know what's causing the repeated infections...maybe that's not what He wants me to take from this experience in life. Deep down, I think the lesson I'm supposed to take away is one of complete and total surrender of all things. A surrendering which is not conditional on eventually knowing the outcome of what's going on, but one which is simply allowing me to be content where I am and learning to live a full life in spite of the obstacles around me. Maybe there will come a time when the cause is figured out and options are available to help rid the infection for good. But I can't stay in idle, because who knows how long that might be and if it will ever be.

You know, the only thing I can really do, is to take steps to be able to live in the most positive light for Him. In this book three steps are talked about: CRY OUT, CONFESS and CONSENT. I haven't read far enough to say what the book says these steps are, but simply by looking at them, I feel a lot of peace. I know in my heart, that by doing these steps daily, I will get to that level of unconditional and complete surrender that He wants me at. I know there's a lot of work ahead of me, but I truly believe that it will all be for the better...the best for me, for my relationship with God, for my marriage, for my family, for those relationships with people around me and so much more.

Life's not always easy...many times it is hard and I think we do wish we could just lay down...at least I know I feel that way a lot of times. I think when you make a commitment to change and work on the betterment, the obstacles will increase and that feeling will be very overwhelming some days. But He's with us always...He knows us and loves us in the midst of all things, regardless of whether we see something as a success of failure, I believe He sees it all as progression to where He knows we all can be. That's a huge comfort, especially in times when you can't see the light at the end of tunnel and things seem to be getting increasingly worse instead of better. Even when it feels like He's not there and doesn't care, He does and so much more than we really know. It's those times which bring us to a deeper level with Him and cause us to see who He is in a vastly different light and also to see what He sees in us each and every moment of our life.

Contemplation....

"As you feel the timber of the cross and trace the braid of the crown and finger the point of the spike - pause and listen. Perchance you will hear Him whisper: I did this JUST for YOU."

~ Max Lucado

Chosen...

Give praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He has blessed us with every spiritual blessing. Those blessings come from the heavenly world. They belong to us because we belong to Christ.

God chose us to belong to Christ before the world was created. He chose us to be holy and without blame in his eyes. He loved us. So he decided long ago to adopt us as his children. He did it because of what Jesus Christ has done. It pleased God to do it. All those things bring praise to his glorious grace. God freely gave us his grace because of the One he loves.

We have been set free because of what Christ has done. Through his blood our sins have been forgiven. We have been set free because God's grace is so rich. He poured his grace on us by giving us great wisdom and understanding.

He showed us the mystery of his plan. It was in keeping with what he wanted to do. It was what he had planned through Christ. It will all come about when history has been completed. God will then bring together all things in heaven and on earth under one ruler. The ruler is Christ.

We were also chosen to belong to him. God decided to choose us long ago in keeping with his plan. He works out everything to fit his plan and purpose. We were the first to put our hope in Christ. We were chosen to bring praise to his glory.

You also became believers in Christ. That happened when you heard the message of truth. It was the good news about how you could be saved. When you believed, he marked you with a seal. The seal is the Holy Spirit that he promised.

The Spirit marks us as God's own. We can now be sure that someday we will receive all that God has promised. That will happen after God sets all of his people completely free. All of those things will bring praise to his glory.

~Ephesians 1:3-14 (NIRV)

Courage...

“Courage is not limited to the battlefield or the Indianapolis 500 or bravely catching a thief in your house. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are the inner tests, like remaining faithful when nobody's looking, like enduring pain when the room is empty, like standing alone when you're misunderstood.”

~ Charles Swindoll

Comfort

It's been a while since I really felt like typing anything. Even now, it's not necessarily that I feel like typing, but am continuing to sort a lot of things out. I've really been out of the loop in a lot of senses the past while, both in real life and this electronic world as well. This week held a tiny bit of returning to some sense of 'normalcy'. It very well might be that we're simply changing what 'normalcy' is, but whatever it might be called, a tiny bit of it has been felt this week.

The other night I was blessed to be able to attend a Wednesday night prayer service. It's an awesome circle of people who meet...a circle which is always open to as many people who want to be in it. There is a love and God's presence felt that I simply cannot do justice in through my words. To be able to drink in God's presence as richly as I did the other night, was a precious gift that I have missed SO very much. It's definitely experiences and things like that which allow you to gain a renewed sense of strength and vision, and that give you the endurance to continue down the winding road of this journey. We sang the song below on Wednesday...


GOD OF COMFORT
(DDOZLAW)

To the weary you have promised rest
To the earnest you promise righteousness
To the broken comes the time to be restored
Upon the pure in heart
Comes the presence of the Lord

When we pass through the waters
We will not be swept away
And as we pass through the fire
We will not be set ablaze
By that which all shall pass away
God of comfort
God of freedom God of hope
God of comfort
You are

To the troubled you have promised peace
To the shackled you promise true release
To the faithful come the prophecies fulfilled
Upon the selfless
Rests the blessing of Your will

When we pass through the waters
We will not be swept away
And as we pass through the fire
We will not be set ablaze
By that which all shall pass away
God of comfort
God of freedom God of hope
God of comfort
You are

You are
You are...

© 2001 Northview Music


As we sang, it felt like God's arms were coming around me and saying that it's okay that I feel tired, broken, weak and so much more. His presence engulfed me and in that moment, I knew that no matter what, I will come out standing strong. He'll give me all I need to endure and persevere.

Acceptance is so huge. The longing to be accepted by those around you, simply for where you're at and not for where you can't possibly be right now. The responsibility which lies on our shoulders, to not long for what we don't have or where we aren't, but to accept and be content with exactly where He's placed us and with all that is on our plates at this time.

To simply live a life which is pleasing to Him...I learned an important lesson the other night. I don't always see myself in a good light. I don't always see myself as being a very strong light for Him. I don't see myself as enduring this time gracefully, being strong in any sense of the word or being anything that would set any semblance of a good example or testimony for anyone around me. The other night I learned, that God often shows us who we truly are through the eyes of those around us. I really think some days, that this is why He has made us to live in the communities that we live in.

That's pretty humbling to me today...

Random Acts of Kindness Week

I've been thinking a lot about living life randomly and with a strong component of love and kindness, regardless of what might be going on. I've also been thinking a lot about how I can properly model this to my kids and help them to have it be a strong installation in their lives from an early age.

Being that Random Acts of Kindess week was a little over a month ago, I thought I would post this video for some food for thought.

Really, my thought is that everyday poses endless opportunities, so I'm working towards having that component there daily.

All You Need...

"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance."
~Author Unknown

Quilt of Holes

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.

Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.

But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.

I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.

My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together,threadbare and empty, like binding air.

Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn,holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.

My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that tookfrom me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster thestrength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been heldup to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.

And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.

I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.

An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.

Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, "Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles. Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you."

May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!

God determines who walks into your life....it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."

...When there is nothing left but God that is when you find out that God is all you need.

Where the Hell is Matt

A friend sent this video to me a while ago. I like the sights it shows and especially like the music...it reminds me of the way my summer ended...beautiful and unforgettable!

Anyhow, I pull this up when I need to rest and drink in some sights and music.

Surrounded

Cry Out To Jesus
Words by Mac Powell / Music by Third Day

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

When your lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who struggles with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight


This is another favorite which I've started listening to this week. It speaks volumes every time I play it, because it talks about how life is and what the answer is. It doesn't say that things will always be okay or you'll never have problems. What it does say, is that despite that, He's always there with you and you simply need to cry, whisper or just think the words...He'll hear them...He already knows what's being thought.


"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:1-3)

The Journey...

I've found myself listening to more music than ever the past while. Listening in quiet reflection as I take in the words. Praying through some of the songs, especially in times where the words don't come easy. I'm beginning this week off, being able to sing in one on one worship. That's been virtually non-existent in my life the past few months, yet so very essential to how I'm wired.

As I continue this journey of figuring things out and wondering how things took some of the turns they did, I do have to look at the point of getting back to what I know works. Not only getting back to it, but making a pact between God and I, that I won't continue to lose sight of it. I've still got a distance to go in getting there, and really, things might always be a work towards other things.

As for our family, we are still fighting off illness. It seems we barely get all better and another falls ill. I am still on antibiotics, but thankfully all those nasty side effects of medicine have subsided...I'm remembering to use my head when taking my meds, which has helped a lot in making sure the side effects stay away. Am I completely better? I don't even want to wager a guess on that one. I'm going to leave it up to the doctors, because it's really out of my control in many ways. We're surviving and I know I'm feeling His presence in a very strong way this week, even more so than others...that's a small light in life right now. As I've told people, I'm trying hard to not yearn for where I could be, but simply be content with where I am. It's not easy to be content where you are, when that seems to be a low place, but I am realizing that for God to truly work through a situation, that total surrender is essential, so I am working hard towards that for Him.

This song is on my iPod and has been playing constantly...it's my new favorite. If you would like to listen to it, you can hear it here http://www.selahonline.com/...it's powerful and every time I listen to it, I feel His love wash over me and and that helps me to attend to the things I need to.

Glory
by Nichole Nordeman

One day, eyes that are blind will see you clearly
One day all who deny will finally believe
One day hearts made of stone will break in pieces
One day chains, once unbroken, will fall down at Your feet
So we wait
For that one day
Come quickly, we want to see Your…

Glory
Every knee falls down before Thee
Every tongue offers You praise, with every hand raised
Singing Glory
To You and unto You only
We’ll sing Glory to Your name.

One day, voices that lie will all be silenced
One day all that’s divided will be whole again
One day death will retreat, and wave its white flag
One day love will defeat the strongest enemy
So we wait
For that one day
Come quickly, we want to see Your…

Glory
Every knee falls down before Thee
Every tongue offers You praise, with every hand raised
Singing Glory
To You and unto You only
We’ll sing Glory to Your name.

We know not the day or the hour,
or the moments in between
But we know the end of the story…
when we’ll see Your…

Glory
Every knee falls down before Thee
Every tongue offers You praise, with every hand raised
Singing Glory
To You and unto You only
We’ll sing Glory to Your name.

Teach Me

I would have to say that the past week has had the "Teach Me" theme stamped on it. Teach me to accept the season I'm in...to live with more grace and humility than ever before...to love deeper than I've ever loved...to live this life like I've never lived before...to not take so much for granted, but see it as the precious cargo it is...and so very more lessons which came out of this week.

I went away this weekend, as my friend put it...'to drink deeply from the well of my family'. And that's exactly what I did...I drank as deeply from their well as I could, so I could take as much of them as possible home in my heart. Leading up to leaving, I worked hard to drain my tank of some really dangerous toxins. I can't say that my tank was completely emptied, but some of it was and it allowed me to refuel in a huge way.

I know that this blog has probably been confusing for some who have come on, especially for the fact of me not saying all that's going on. I guess the easiest thing to say, is that I've been in a low...lots of things have caused it and it's been a struggle. But I came to an important place this week. There are seasons for everything and some last a lot longer than others. I'm working towards simply being content where I am and not wishing to be somewhere I'm not. I've been reading a lot about how God works through our weaknesses if we allow Him and that we do a lot of injustice, by not admitting our weaknesses or simply accepting the spot we are at and allowing Him to work through it.

So that's what I'm working towards right now. Simply being content and attempting to see the positive, no matter what the day holds. I wrote this at some point throughout the week...my writing has been focused between God and I. But, being that it's the theme for the week gone past, I thought I would share it.

Teach me to surrender
And not hold back in pride.
Help me to realize
The true benefits of you by my side.

I pray that you'll break me
As many times are required
To truly fall at your feet
And say I'm completely Yours.

To no longer want or need control,
But only truly need You.
To live each moment as the last,
No regrets or inhibitions.

Help me begin to live my life,
Like I've never lived before.
With a deep peace and love,
And complete trust in You.

No longer looking for answers,
Every place except at Your feet.
Bring me back to You I pray,
Bring me back to Your presence.

Help me feel You so strong,
That I know not fully accepting would be disaster.
Help me to say,
“At Your feet I will be, as long as You breath the breath of life into me.”

Take me and mold me as You see fit,
Break and recreate where it's needed.
As often as necessary,
No questions asked.

For Your Glory and not my fallen human nature,
I am Yours,
And through me let you be seen.
Not perfection, simply You and not me.

Faith

"Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time."

~ Oswald Chambers~

Directions

Have you ever felt like you're simply being pulled in a million different directions?

You see, right now that's where I am on many different levels. My family is continuing to battle illness...you know we've gotten really used to having me sick, but lately I've been sicker than usual and right now it seems we're guaranteed to have at least one, if not more of us sick all at once. This has went on for a month now...it's getting really exhausting. There are days where I am angry and frustrated, yet trying hard to find what I'm supposed to find in this.

I know some would say, you don't need to find something in everything. But my thought is that when something lasts as long as it's lasted, there's something to be found, taken and learned from. Whether that be to slow down and rest or to simply start surrendering and quit relying so much on your own power...I don't know, but I'm feebly attempting to do what I can...whether it's enough or not is yet to be seen.

I guess the other thing is that I've been feeling a pull ministry-wise for so long, yet I've balked it for a variety of reasons. If I'm being completely honest, I'd have to say that my pride and some fear have played a part and also what those around me have been thinking about it. Yet as much as I want to jump into something, I then think about whether or not, while I'm sick, am I clearly discerning anything...especially the voice of God. Right now I think I'd have to say no. And for that reason I will continue to wait and attend to the most important ministry I have...my family.

They are my most important ministry. I think sometimes in the hustle and bustle of life or in the despairing times, I tend to forget that sometimes. So this weekend, as our plans have been placed on hold yet again, due to illness and all that, I will attend to my family in the best way I can. I may not be who I normally am or do all I normally do, but I'll simply be there for them how I can and I know that'll be enough, because they simply want me and I simply want them.

You know, I'm up right now because I can't sleep, but yet I'm so tired! So that's why I was typing, but now I think it's time to stop and go to Him and cry out yet again. And this week, it's literally been 'crying out', but I don't think that's a bad thing either, 'cause at times it feels like the frustration, pain and anger are pouring out...at least they're pouring out and allowing me to heal spiritually, if nothing else.

"There is a time for everything. There's a time for everything that is done on earth. There is a time to be born. And there's a time to die. There is a time to plant. And there's a time to pull up what is planted. There is a time to kill. And there's a time to heal. There is a time to tear down. And there's a time to build up. There is a time to cry. And there's a time to laugh. There is a time to be sad. And there's a time to dance. There is a time to scatter stones. And there's a time to gather them. There is a time to hug. And there's a time not to hug. There is a time to search. And there's a time to stop searching. There is a time to keep. And there's a time to throw away. There is a time to tear. And there's a time to mend. There is a time to be silent. And there's a time to speak. There is a time to love. And there's a time to hate. There is a time for war. And there's a time for peace."

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

My Rock of Clinging...

"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever. "

~ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (The Message)

Focusing...

"Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God's Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.

It's not at all fanciful for me to think this way about you. My prayers and hopes have deep roots in reality. You have, after all, stuck with me all the way from the time I was thrown in jail, put on trial, and came out of it in one piece. All along you have experienced with me the most generous help from God. He knows how much I love and miss you these days. Sometimes I think I feel as strongly about you as Christ does!

So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God."

~ Philippians 1:3-11


This is pretty much all I can muster up for blogging this week. I'll be back to comment to those of you who have left comments, but that'll have to be later in the week. This passage is hopefully where I will find myself reading and reflecting today. Despite all which is going on, I am living with thankfulness for all whom He's brought into my life. Trying hard to place my focus on the positive, in order to place a shadow on the negative. Isn't easy and isn't always accomplished, but that's where I am and it'll have to be good enough for now.

The extent of my writing are the words below...they might not make much sense, but right now I honestly don't make a lot of sense. Oh well, we live with what we have!

As the dawn begins to rise
I slowly open up my eyes.
What will today hold?
What will I need?

God, please let me be real!
No games, no walls or masks.
To live my life without attempts for super heroics.
Help me know that I show you through both the bad and the good.

No matter what comes,
Joy or saddness, peace or chaos,
Health or illness, life or death.
Instead of me,
I pray you'll somehow shine through.

Masks and Bungee Jumping

"And now, here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to start all over again. I'm taking her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date, and I'll court her. I'll give her bouquets of roses. I'll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope. She'll respond like she did as a young girl, those days when she was fresh out of Egypt.

"At that time"—this is God's Message still— "you'll address me, 'Dear husband!' Never again will you address me, 'My slave-master!' I'll wash your mouth out with soap, get rid of all the dirty false-god names, not so much as a whisper of those names again. At the same time I'll make a peace treaty between you and wild animals and birds and reptiles, And get rid of all weapons of war. Think of it! Safe from beasts and bullies! And then I'll marry you for good—forever! I'll marry you true and proper, in love and tenderness. Yes, I'll marry you and neither leave you nor let you go. You'll know me, God, for who I really am.

"On the very same day, I'll answer"—this is God's Message— "I'll answer the sky, sky will answer earth, Earth will answer grain and wine and olive oil, and they'll all answer Jezreel. I'll plant her in the good earth. I'll have mercy on No-Mercy.I'll say to Nobody, 'You're my dear Somebody,' and he'll say 'You're my God!'"

Then God ordered me, "Start all over: Love your wife again, your wife who's in bed with her latest boyfriend, your cheating wife. Love her the way I, God, love the Israelite people, even as they flirt and party with every god that takes their fancy."


I did it. I paid good money to get her back. It cost me the price of a slave. Then I told her, "From now on you're living with me. No more whoring, no more sleeping around. You're living with me and I'm living with you."

The people of Israel are going to live a long time stripped of security and protection,without religion and comfort, godless and prayerless. But in time they'll come back, these Israelites, come back looking for their God and their David-King. They'll come back chastened to reverence before God and his good gifts, ready for the End of the story of his love.


(Hosea 2:14-23; 3:1-5)


Okay, so I'm blogging twice in one day...in one morning. Big Mister and Little Miss have a day off of school, so Little Mister and I are taking one as well...at least the morning...we're all going to do some work this afternoon!

But anyhow, I read this scripture passage on Friday. It brought me to many places...a place where I just wept, truly let everything drain out of me through my tears. It brought me to a place of realizing how hard I am on myself so many days. I realized a little bit, the danger I play by being so hard on myself. I think this often causes me to not truly realize the extent of potential God does have in my life.

I sat on Friday and was truly honest with myself...about everything...my fears, disappointments, short-comings, pain, frustrations. I came to a place of realizing that I can't live my life with walls up and expect that I'll get anything substantial out of it...relationships, friendships, my walk with Christ, my potential in all my roles...they will never reach their full potential and people will never truly see ME, until I break the walls down.

Even as I sit and type, I'm crying, because at some point in my life I bought into Satan's lie that I needed to live a perfect life and that I couldn't just simply be me. You know, I might not be perfect, but I'm beautiful in His eyes, from the inside out.

My friend's sermon yesterday was all about masks and taking them OFF! Beginning to live real and not try to hide behind the masks of life appearing to be perfect, fear, anger, etc. I've been living with multiple masks on, partly because I felt I was doing everyone a favor if I spared them what was truly going on. I didn't want to heap anyone's plate with my problems and have them be over-burdened...but I didn't allow them to make that decision...I made it for them! In the process of making that decision, I essentially put a huge wall between a lot of people and me, by not allowing them all the way in.

I'm working towards the demolition on those walls. Do I think it will come today or overnight? Was Rome built in a day? No...just like it takes time for walls to be erected, it will take time to demolish them. It will take restraint, strength and courage to not fall back into 'old' ways and build those walls back up again. It will take that same restraint, strength and courage to truly be honest and allow my true identity to be seen.

But despite the hardships, I know that I am going to experience a freedom like I've never experienced before. I'm experiencing a small bit of it today, even as I reflect and begin to change course. Does it mean that things will always be peachy? That problems, pain, grief, anger, etc. will never arise? No, but what it does mean, is that I will hopefully begin to handle them very differently! I will allow people into my world. truly into it, to see what's going on and will realize that it's perfectly okay to be there. I will slowly learn to be content with where I am, and not where I think I should be. I will slowly learn to be content with who I am, and not whom I think I should be.

Do I walk a very winding path of life sometimes? A friend once likened it to 'bungee-jumping'. Yeah I do tend to walk that sort of life, but the hugest blessing is the fact of the people who are there to support and guide me when my cord breaks. They love me for me, even when I can't love myself. They see me for who I truly am, especially when I can't see it myself. They often know me much better than I know myself. But for me, that's the truest blessings of this life!

Because of You...

THERE’S A PLACE
(Paul Oakley)

THERE’S A PLACE WHERE THE STREETS SHINE
WITH THE GLORY OF THE LAMB
THERE’S A WAY WE CAN GO THERE
WE CAN LIVE THERE BEYOND TIME

BECAUSE OF YOU- BECAUSE OF YOU
BECAUSE OF YOUR LOVE-BECAUSE OF YOUR BLOOD

NO MORE PAIN- NO MORE SADNESS
NO MORE SUFFERING- NO MORE TEARS
NO MORE SIN- NO MORE SICKNESS
NO INJUSTICE- NO MORE DEATH

BECAUSE OF YOU- BECAUSE OF YOU
BECAUSE OF YOUR LOVE-BECAUSE OF YOUR BLOOD

ALL OUR SINS ARE WASHED AWAY
AND WE CAN LIVE FOREVER
NOW WE CAN HAVE THIS HOPE BECAUSE OF YOU
OH WE’LL SEE YOU FACE TO FACE
AND WE WILL DANCE TOGETHER
IN THE CITY OF OUR GOD BECAUSE OF YOU

THERE IS JOY EVERLASTING
THERE IS GLADNESS- THERE IS PEACE
THERE IS WINE EVER FLOWING
THERE’S A WEDDING- THERE’S A FEAST

BECAUSE OF YOU- BECAUSE OF YOU
BECAUSE OF YOUR LOVE-BECAUSE OF YOUR BLOOD


There was a funeral on Saturday at our church for a very remarkable woman of God. This was the closing song and it's been in my head ever since. I woke up, both yesterday and this morning, with this song singing through my head...drums, guitar and all!

It's been a very humbling and hugely amazing weekend. It was the first time I've actually been out a good portion of the time and not come home completely exhausted. For the first time since the end of November, beginning of December, I can cautiously say that I feel like I might be on the mend. I know I have a long way to go, but it feels like we might have actually found the key to moving forward a little at a time.

I've done a lot of soul searching this weekend. I've really sat and thought about what is truly important in my life. Thought about what really brings purpose and meaning to who I am. What I truly need to do to be strong and seeming to continually be free-falling in a bad way.

It's been a very overwhelming weekend, but at the same time, very rewarding and powerful. Life's precious...I'm finally back to wanting to truly live it out again!

Claims and Places

WHAT THE LORD HAS DONE IN ME
(Reuben Morgan)

LET THE WEAK SAY I AM STRONG
LET THE POOR SAY I AM RICH
LET THE BLIND SAY I CAN SEE
IT’S WHAT THE LORD HAS DONE IN ME

HOSANNA HOSANNA
TO THE LAMB THAT WAS SLAIN
HOSANNA HOSANNA
JESUS DIED AND ROSE AGAIN

INTO THE RIVER I WILL WADE
THERE MY SINS ARE WASHED AWAY
FROM THE HEAVENS MERCY STREAMS
OF THE SAVIOR’S LOVE FOR ME

I WILL RISE FROM WATERS DEEP
INTO THE SAVING ARMS OF GOD
I WILL SING SALVATION SONGS
JESUS CHRIST HAS SET ME FREE


We sang this song on Sunday at church. It came into my head and I began to sing it a little while ago. It's a song of huge strength for me, because it speaks of how powerful His love is for us.

I was emailing with a friend this morning and I wrote these words... "A small light was that despite how everything has been, yesterday was actually a pretty good day. I was going through my serving seminar results and was also going through some scripture from the Bible study assignment our group was going to do. I came to a place of knowing deep inside that I will come through everything strong and I simply can't focus on the negatives any longer. I can't beat myself up because of the short-comings I might be portraying, but simply draw more from Him...knowing that eventually those short-comings might not be there, or at least nearly as bad as they are currently."

I guess I've also been trying to take personal inventory and this was a question I asked..."The last while as I've struggled, have I portrayed a bad walk or huge lack of faith?"

I think for me, the biggest fear I have is that I will portray God in a bad light, through how I deal with the trials in my life. I know deep within me, as a result of things which have happened in the past and just because of how I think, that I do have a strong faith. But my worry is, that if I have to continue to justify this in my mind, then am I being blasphemous to God on a daily basis? Am I falling short in my love and devotion to Him?

I am actually going to be claiming this song as a daily prayer for me. I want to make that conscious effort...to go to Him, to be in the river, washed clean to start the day and living each day in His loving arms. I know I'm saved because of His love and therefore, I know that I will be victorious...so will you.

I guess you could say that this post is simply the beginning of me being able to wrap my head around what God's speaking right now. It's the beginning of me digging deep within myself and pulling myself closer to Him. It's the beginning of trying to stomp the excess noise and lies of the enemy, which come into my mind daily. I guess you could say I'm accepting me for me and claiming myself for Who I truly belong to. Remember Day: 25: Transformed by Trouble from The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren that I was talking about yesterday? This portion talks about life, problems and God's role in those. There will be more reflection to come on this chapter...it was the medicine I needed to take in this week. I am going to end with this passage from that chapter...

"God has a purpose behind every problem.

He uses circumstances to develop our character. In fact, he depends more on circumstances to make us like Jesus than he depends on our reading the Bible. The reason is obvious: You face circumstances twenty-four hours a day.

Jesus warned us that we would have problems in the world. No one is immune to pain or insulated from suffering, and no one gets to skate through life problem-free. Life is a series of problems. Every time you solve one, another is waiting to take its place. Not all of them are big, but all are significant in God's growth process for you...

God uses problems to draw you closer to himself...Your most profound and intimate experiences of worship will likely be in your darkest days - when your heart is broken, when you feel abandoned, when you're out of options, when the pain is great - and you turn to God alone. It is during suffering that we learn to pray our most authentic, heartfelt, honest-to-God prayers. When we're in pain, we don't have the energy for superficial prayers.

Joni Eareckson Tada notes, "When life is rosy, we may slide by with knowing about Jesus, with imitating him and quoting him and speaking of him. But only in suffering will we know Jesus." We learn things about God in suffering that we can't learn any other way."
(The Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren)

God's Sense of Humor

The post which I talked about below...I'm not going to write it today, very well might not be tomorrow or this week. But being that I'm at my computer while Little Mister works away on his school work, I thought I would post a little tidbit.

The first thing...I think God has a real interesting sense of humor some days...actually many days. So if you were to think about it...what would your view be on this?

The second thing...the reason why I think God has a real interesting sense of humor. I have been attending a Ladies Bible study and even though I can't go tonight, I read through what will be studied. They are looking at Day 25 of The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I opened the book and this is what I saw...Day 25: Transformed by Trouble.

I laughed out loud and then had to explain to Mr. Cinder what all the laughter was about. It was an awesome thing to read...came at a very good time, on what was a pretty hard day, knowing that today would not be a lot better.

Anyhow, once I get my brain completely wrapped around it, I am planning on writing my reflections in a post. I don't know about you, but sometimes when I read something that hits so close, it takes a while to completely absorb all aspects of what you've taken in. The verse to remember was Romans 8:28, but I really liked Romans 8:26-28 together and all it had to say, so I'll sign off on that note!


"In the same way, the Holy Spirit helps us when we are weak. We don't know what we should pray for. But the Spirit himself prays for us. He prays with groans too deep for words. God, who looks into our hearts, knows the mind of the Spirit. And the Spirit prays for God's people just as God wants him to pray.

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him. He appointed them to be saved in keeping with his purpose."

~ Romans 8:26-28(NIRV)

Realizations...

I received "Hold on Tight" this morning from a friend from college. We had lost touch, but regained contact a few years ago. Most of our contact is now via the Internet and yearly Christmas cards and greetings, but we have made that conscious effort to keep the contact alive and well.

I simply wanted to post this, because to me it speaks a lot of truth. Life is a precious blessing and so is each second we are blessed to live with. I know I'm guilty of not appearing to not see this, but I do know how precious it truly is. I've been with more than one family member as they took their final breath...one second here, the next second their spirit has left. I've been behind the vehicle of a car, enjoying life with my kids one minute and in the next, I was wondering if life would ever be the same as I knew it.

I've experienced with my mom what it's like to be handed a diagnosis which means your life will never be the same. It is in that instant that you truly realize the frailness of this life and just how precious your loved ones are. You begin to live and view life in a vastly different light. So, that's why this is being posted.


Hold on Tight
To realize the value of a sister:
Ask someone who doesn't have one.

To realize the value of ten years:
Ask a newly divorced couple.

To realize the value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize the value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize the value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize the value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of one minute:
Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize the value of one-second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member:
LOSE ONE.


I thought about all of those things. I realized that those who are wise and do what is right are under God's control. What they do is also under his control. But a man doesn't know whether God will show favor to him. Everyone will die someday. Death comes to godly and sinful people alike. It comes to good and bad people alike. It comes to "clean" and "unclean" people alike. Those who offer sacrifices and those who don't offer them also die. A good person dies, and so does a sinner. Those who take oaths die. So do those who are afraid to take them.

Here's what is so bad about everything that happens on this earth. Death catches up with all of us. Also, the hearts of people are full of evil. They live in foolish pleasure. After that, they join those who have already died.

Anyone who is living still has hope. Even a live dog is better off than a dead lion! People who are still alive know they'll die. But those who have died don't know anything. They don't receive any more rewards. And they are soon forgotten. Their love, hate and jealousy disappear. They will never share again in anything that happens on earth.

Go and enjoy your food. Be joyful as you drink your wine. Now is the time God favors what you do. Always wear white clothes to show you are happy. Anoint your head with olive oil. You love your wife. So enjoy life with her. Do it all the days of this meaningless life God has given you on earth. That's what he made you for. That's what you get for all of your hard work on earth.

No matter what you do, work at it with all your might. Remember, you are going to your grave. And there isn't any work or planning or knowledge or wisdom there.

Here's something else I've seen on this earth. Races aren't always won by those who run fast. Battles aren't always won by those who are strong. Wise people don't always have plenty of food. Clever people aren't always wealthy. Those who have learned a lot aren't always favored. God controls the timing of every event. He also controls how things turn out.

A man doesn't know when trouble will come to him. Fish are caught in nets. Birds are taken in traps. And people are trapped by hard times that come when they don't expect them.

~ Ecclesiastes 9 (NIRV)

Slowly But Surely...

Received some test results yesterday...still waiting for some more to be back. I'm back on medication for another 5 weeks...we're hopeful that a long-term treatment might be the key to ridding my body of the infection. I am also being referred to a specialist, where I'll hopefully have more tests done, which might shed some more light on the underlying cause.

Meanwhile, I'm still pretty tired. We're trying our hardest to keep school on track and where it needs to be. Hopelessly devoted to trying to get our house looking better than the tar pits from the Flintstones. Oh yeah, I have to cut out all sweets from my diet...NO MORE COMFORT FOODS...ice cream, chocolate, man, especially Whoppers. Well, I guess that's okay...it's really not the best for me to have all those comfort foods flowing through my veins anyhow ;D !

We're holding our own...slowly but surely I think things are going to begin to even out a little bit. Eventually it will come...right now we're simply in a holding pattern.

Requests and Confessions

In my mind, I always seem to have rather odd prayer requests. They're never really typical and don't always make sense to anyone, including me. But yet there they are, genuinely needing lifted up like any other request might.

The other day I made one such request to a friend who is praying alongside our family. The request went something like this...

"You know, you always know there are lots of people reading on the blogosphere, but despite that I use my blog as a trash can sometimes...especially lately, as I've tried to work through everything... my odd request is that I will not use any blog as a sewage waste dump, no matter how frustrating things seem. That I will either bottle it for a while or I don't know, but that when I'm blogging, I will only write positive and uplifting posts."

The interesting part about making this request, was that I received a response from my friend, which really made me think about what I had asked for. The bottom-line which came out of everything was this response from my heart...

"But really, right now I know very little...the one thing I know is that I need to write what comes into mind. I need to write for me and for Him and not worry about what those around me think or say or take away from it. 'Cause the reality is that's what writing is for me and I have no business changing that."

I have a confession to make as I write this post. I don't like life very much right now. I can't express enough how much love I have for the Lord and for the people I'm so very blessed to have in my life. But despite all that, I don't really like how I have been during these past months of trial. I don't like how I feel inside...I don't like just simply surviving this life. Life feels so overwhelming right now...it becomes hard sometimes to see the worth in fighting through each day.

And you know, the worst thing I could probably do, would be to quit writing, and especially to bottle everything which is going on. Because then, not only would I be feeling the way I'm feeling, I wouldn't be allowing it out of my system at all, which would only make matters worse. I know I've already made an agreement with despair...it's cemented pretty good...but bottling things would take that agreement to another level. I haven't quite figured out how I will break the agreement I inadvertently made...but I know over time, God will help me figure that out and break it.

I have a bookmark sitting in one of many books I'm trying to read through right now. I'm ending this post with the scripture that bookmark holds..."The LORD will guide you always: He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." (Isaiah 58:11)

Some Food I'm Going to Take In...

Ephesians 3:16-19
14-19 My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.


Romans 12
Place Your Life Before God
1-2 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

3 I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

4-6 In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.

6-8 If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don't take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.

9-10 Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

11-13 Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

14-16 Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.

17-19 Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it."

20-21 Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

Funny Food

I am Sam

I am Sam

Sam I am

That Sam-I-am!

That Sam-I-am!

I do not like

that Sam-I-am!

Do you like

green eggs and ham?

I do not like them,

Sam-I-am.

I do not like

green eggs and ham.

(taken from Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss)

This is one of many favorite books that Little Miss has...so much so that she asked us last winter to make green eggs and ham. So we did, because why not...life's really way too short to not do the fun and quirky stuff like that.

I'm thinking it very well might almost be the time....to dive back into our childhood story and have some green eggs and ham!

Agreements

Well, I thought I would quickly type a note before I get teaching Little Mister. It's been a very interesting time and I have to say thank you for all the comments of blessings, love and encouragement that you have left. It's been very uplifting and even though I might not get around to responding right away, I do really appreciate them...they always seem to come at exactly the perfect time.

I don't want to really go into details with what's been up, but it's been a time of countless antibiotics for me, one kid and then ended off with 'worms' and all that goes with making sure that leaves the building for good.

I received some advice this week from a friend. It made me realize where I have been keeping agreements and where I should be having agreements. I guess most importantly, it spoke to me that I do have friendships out there, even though some days it seems like I'm alone. It spoke how important it is to not go things alone and to have that support. So I'm going to end with it 'cause I think it's a pretty good message to tag with!

"Do not enter into agreement with despair.
It is not pathetic to ask for a cup of water on a hot day."