"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity."

~ Jeremiah 29.11-14

Hmmm...the one verse that characterizes the journey of our family. One that we look to often, even more so in times of crisis. And tonight this picture seems to fit the verse like a glove in my mind for one reason or another. Maybe because the pictures signifies a time when I encountered God in a very real way...brings me back to this really peaceful moment and place found in this beautiful country ravaged by civil war.

But the other reason is that it signifies for me a visual of what it takes to completely and totally trust that He does indeed have plans for you. And then not only to trust that, but to give up control and let yourself be led down the path He has in mind, even though you can't see what's around the corner.

Never an easy thing...especially when through our human eyes the path He's directing towards seems far from what we might consider a hopeful future.

Thank You

I found myself writing in my journal yesterday for what seemed like the first time in a very long time. The past while I've lost track of many things, especially of who I truly am and what things I need to do in order to truly commune with God, even on the simplest of levels.

Yesterday as I wrote I began to say, "Thank You" to God for Sunday. This past Sunday, He set things up so that I ended coming into church late. My kids were sitting with my sister and because I couldn't find them, I snuck in the back row...it was empty and I felt draw to sit there. And then began one of the most amazing experiences I've had with God in quite a while. I met with Him just like it was the first time. Despite the fact the room was really full, it was like there wasn't a single soul in that room except God and I. And as in the picture above, my arms were raised and I felt His Spirit gently wrapping around me, making it ever known that He was right there with me.

Honestly, I've been living in the wilderness for a while...am still probably on the fringe. But on Sunday He made it known that no matter where I walk, He'll also be right there with me...even though I might not feel like He is.

I've been listening to this song almost daily...it seems a fitting way to end this post. He truly does take us as He finds us and uses us for His purposes, because He truly is mighty to save.

Mighty to Save
Hillsong Australia

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus. (x4)

Breaking Free of the Addiction

Addiction
A physical or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, such as a drug or alcohol. In physical addiction, the body adapts to the substance being used and gradually requires increased amounts to reproduce the effects originally produced by smaller doses.




The one thing I've already realized this year is how easy a person can allow themselves to become enslaved to something without even realizing they were enslaved at all.

And yes, this image is portraying what I allowed my body to become enslaved to. Yes, I purchased it and drank it, but didn't realize how much I was consuming. How do you not know this? I don't really have a good answer for you, except to say DENIAL!!

So I've started this year off on an interesting note. I told God that I want to be free of this. I want to come to him for all things, instead of turning to consuming something when under stress, etc. I made the decision to quit purchasing and consuming and quit cold turkey.

Have to confess that I don't know if the cold turkey method was the right approach to take. It's definitely been a much harder road than I thought it would ever be. As in the words of a friend..."it's really eating at you, isn't it!" Yes, it is eating at me...more some days than others. Would love to say that I can walk by a huge display in the store and I don't give it a second thought, but that would definitely be a lie.

But every day that ends as another one free of that substance entering my body is an awesome thing. And the differences in attitude and ability to handle stress and work load have been eye-opening. I'm a different person and that difference makes me a much better wife, mom, friend, co-worker, etc. and that's the best reason of all to continue on the journey to be free of it!

State of Refusal

Have you ever known you were supposed to step out in faith and do something? A time when He's deeply speaking, it makes complete sense and feels right? But yet you made the choice to refuse based on residue from a past attempt to step out?

Who knows, maybe I'm just crazy, but that's very much where I am. God's telling me to go and I want to badly, but there have been questions posed about things in the past and questioning of why I really think I'm supposed to go, that I don't know if I'm can put myself out there just o be stomped down yet again.

Why the picture? That's where He's telling me I'm supposed to go...since the day we returned from there a couple of years ago He's been speaking that I needed to prepare to go back. Last year I even filled out a ton of paperwork in preparation to apply to go and ended up ripping it up and throwing it away, because some questions I fielded caused me to question and buy into the fact I'm never going back, that I'm not able to be a good enough team member...one whom can work through all people in whatever circumstances present themselves, that I'm a mom and too old to be on a team and therefore do not fit the mold of what a team member should be.

So now I sit, and right now, in a state of refusal. It's basically a protection of the heart...trying to avoid any more hurt than that which has already come. There aren't many words to say what that feels like...basically...crushed and heart broken...and wondering why God allowed my heart to meet, fellowship and begin to love people and a place so deeply, when He knew that would cause me to want to go back and minister in whatever was required of me, yet only to make it seem impossible to ever go back, even though He's saying to.

So now I sit at a crossroads...to drop the refusal and step out, despite what others might think, to step out but go somewhere completely different and see what comes from it or to risk not going anywhere at all.

2 Minutes of Silence

Brokenness

As I attended a city-wide prayer service tonight, I found myself grabbing paper and allowing myself to worship and pray with paper and a pen. To many it might seem like jibberish, but to me it's a snapshot of who He is at different points in my life. Things He is to me...the picture above is from a different time, but it's reassuring to me to look at this and know that no matter what's going on in life, I'm able to hold tight to Him. Because with Him all things are possible...

I've been on a fast from music for a couple of days and as I logged on to write something, these were the first lyrics I fell upon (yes, I have quite a few lyrics stored up in my drafts section...past lyrics heard often spark a blog in my mind). So now as I formulate what to say I have this song playing.

Broken and Beautiful
Mark Schultz

There’s a businessman

There’s a widowed wife

There’s a smiling face with a shattered life

There’s a teenage girl with a choice to make

It’s crowded here in church today

And the preacher says as the sermon ends

Please close your eyes and bow your heads

Is there anyone in need of prayer

Jesus wants to meet you here ‘cause we all fall short

We all have sinned

But when you let God’s Grace break in…

(Chorus)

It’s beautiful

Beautiful

Come as you are

Surrender your heart

Broken and beautiful

Well he’d never been to church before

But he came today as a last resort

His world was crashing in

And he was suffocating in his sin

But tears ran down

As hope rushed in

He closed his eyes

Raised his hands

Worshiping the God who can

Bring him back to life again

(Chorus)

Cause there’s nothing more beautiful to God

Than when his sons and daughters come

Broken

Alleluia

Alleluia

Come as you are

(Chorus)

Broken and beautiful

Beautiful

This song reminds me so much of the journey I'm on. I'm a pretty private person, so the journey's not something I discuss with many people. But I will say that there's huge freedom when you're able to come to the point of realizing it's okay to be broken...that it's a truly beautiful thing...to be broken. He's so much more at ease with us being broken then trying to give off a perception of anything else.

Coming to a place of accepting what He already knows, sees and loves, so as to grow closer to Him and stronger for Him. A pretty important life goal to have...a goal that takes longer for some to see than others. But in all reality, the time length doesn't matter to Him...the commitment to that goal is what matters in His eyes.

Worth...

“The Christian self-image means understanding that your worth is found in your amazing dignity as God's image bearer.”

~ Point of Grace

Mountains Blocking the View of God

"Isn't it interesting how seeing the face of God may very well entail gazing deeply into our own, regardless of our fear of that?"

Yes, it's not that I have completely forgot about blogging...I simply haven't been able to write for a variety of reasons...busyness of life, because I didn't want to write posts if they had a dark feeling looming over them, plain old writer's block to name a few...but I decided if I waited for an optimum time to write, or for the right words to hit the screen, then I'd never write. The comment above came in an email and got me thinking. I figured if I saved it at this venue, eventually I would make it around to attempting to write something...so here goes nothing.

This summer's entailed a lot for me...one thing I've come away with is that I want to know God deeper, and also, truly know & see myself as He does. I'm at a point where I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get there. I know by even saying those words that it opens things up in the spiritual realm, 'cause there's that realm out there that really doesn't want us to draw closer to Him.

The above quote was stated to me by a friend. It is indeed very interesting. There are monkeys that get on people's backs and in their faces. But sometimes the biggest obstacle that's in the way of us seeing God's face is ourselves. And to make that mountain even bigger is the fear of having to truly look in the mirror, see ourselves for who we are (the person He knows we are...loves deeply...and accepts right where we're at, not expecting anymore than that) and offer that same grace and acceptance that He offers us every moment of each day.

Maybe for some people this is an easy task. For me it's NEVER been an easy task. My hope is that one day it will be an easier thing for me to do. I long for that day. I long for the peace, strength, renewal, joy and deep communion that will bring.

I've been listening to this song a fair bit today. Seemed like a fitting way to end this post. It talks about some of those mountains that block the view of God. It's also a good reminder about the fact you will always come upon forks in the road of life...and you have to consciously make a decision at every one. You can continue to reach out for help and guidance even when it's difficult. He knows the situation...He'll reach back, meet you right where you're at and pour out all you need to continue. The difficulty comes when you make the second decision and choose to not reach out and allow yourself to be drowned with all He has, and wants, to offer. The choice to walk down a path alone and without direction.

Seems like an easy thing to write in black and white, but not always so easy when faced with the decision in real time...

Sunshine
(Kara Williamson)

Forgive me Lord for I have sinned
And I've been places
I should never have been
And I'm tired of feeling guilty

All the time
Lost in a whirlwind
A thunderstorm raging deep within
And only You can save me
Lord come and save me

You are my sunshine
You are my rainbow
Even when it's raining inside
You fill my heart with sunshine
You are the silver line
Making all things beautiful
Bursting through each cloud of mine
You fill my heart with sunshine

I lift my hands to greet the rain
And praise You through each drop of pain
For hope could never disappoint me now

Light of the world come pouring down
Till in Your glory I am drowned
And only You can save me
I know You can save me

Lord let Your love rain down on me
Lord let Your glory come and set me free

Bless and Be Blessed

When I was over at Just so you'll know I had a chance to watch this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfeXxkbgCVE. It was a good way to start today. Reminded me of something my friend often says...bless and be blessed!

A Little Worship Photography

I've had the chance to attend one full night and another partial night of a "Worship Module" being held at my church. Being that it's smack in the midst of soccer season, to even attend a little bit is a good thing. Anyhow, last week I came back to work and decided I just wanted to spend some time photographing the back wall of our church. We have this really awesome mural at the back. I know that everyone who looks at the mural sees different things, but I took the opportunity to take some close up pics for specific reasons.

You see, when I look at the first one, it reminds of the fact that my church is a sanctuary. When I'm in a bad spot, I like to go to the church and just be. I like the image of the church because it reminds me of ours. We are a unique and loving bunch.

I love the image of the guy. He's looking forward and not backwards. Exactly how we're supposed to be. We can't change the past, can't be consumed by the immediate happenings of today...we have to be living with the end in mind. Fix our eyes on the end, realizing that there'll be many twists and turns, detours and dead-ends.

Well, I took more, but I'm not going to put them all up...it's late and been a very busy week...let's face it, I'm tired! If you want to see a full size shot of the mural and reason for it's happening, you can go http://northvus.blogspot.com/2005/10/was-only-joke.html, http://northvus.blogspot.com/2006/05/depth-to-surface.html.

Have to say it's definately been a great experience to step out and learn to worship God in different pathways other than the norm. Especially through photography and art, as they are very refreshing to me. I think there's a lot of freedom in learning to worship your way, despite whether it's the way those around you would choose to enter in.

It's nice that He brings those life lessons, especially in the midst of life running at insane paces. That's a real sweet blessing...

Valuable Words

I received an email yesterday with some pretty good life lessons...

DON'T HURT ANYONE!

"It only takes a few seconds to hurt people you love, and it can take years to heal."

LIVE TODAY!

"There are two eternities that can really break you down. Yesterday and Tomorrow. One is gone and the other doesn't exist...so live today."

MARRIAGE!

"Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without."

MONEY!

"Money can buy everything but happiness."

TRUST!

"It takes years to build trust and a few seconds to destroy it."

VALUE!

"What is most valuable is not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life."

Carrying Arms...

He Will Carry Me

(Mark Schultz)

I call, You hear me

I’ve lost it all

And it’s more than I can bear

I feel so empty

You’re strong

I’m weary

I’m holdin’ on

But I feel like givin’ in

But still You’re with me

chorus:

And even though I’m walkin’ through

The valley of the shadow

I will hold tight to the hand of Him

Whose love will comfort me

And when all hope is gone

And I’ve been wounded in the battle

He is all the strength that I will

Ever need

And He will carry me

I know I’m broken

But You alone

Can mend this heart of mine

You’re always with me

chorus

And even though I feel so lonely

Like I’ve never been before

You never said it would be easy

But You said you’d see me through

The storm

chorus

This song has been playing the last couple of days in my van, at some point during my trek. I've been digging deep the past while. Looking towards Him and trying hard to see the many blessings through the storm(s). Funny how storms come in a variety of forms. For our house it's seemed like endless illness or pesky childhood bugs and also through simply the busyness of life and constant demands that simply come from all the different aspects of life.

A lot of prayers have been lifted up from my mouth, to simply give me strength to endure what's ahead. To be a beacon of light in whatever situation arises. And for it to be all Him and not me.

He didn't ever promise this life would be easy. If anything, The Word tells that it won't be easy, especially when you stand up and proclaim Him as your Saviour.

But He did sacrifice His life for us. And He will stand by us through the storms, through the life decisions we make and even when we are alone, we are never really alone, because He's always there, ready to carry someone when they feel they can't take another step.

"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God, "I'll get you out of any trouble. I'll give you the best of care if you'll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I'll rescue you, then throw you a party. I'll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!"

~ Psalm 91.14-16

Drowning...

40 Days
(by Mark Schultz)

Lord, I came to the mountaintop
To be with You
I felt Your grace falling down like rain
And I was made new

But there are times like now when I’m all dried out

(Chorus)

And it’s like 40 days out in the desert
Feeling like I’m lost forever
And crying out for You
But in these 40 days I’m going to seek You
With my heart because I believe You
Have brought me to this place
These 40 days

Lord, Your ways are not my own
But I trust You
Lord, You say, “You are not alone,
For I am with you”

But there are times like now when You can’t be found

(Chorus)

‘Cause You are with me
You never leave me
Even when my world turns upside down
‘Cause there are times like now when I will
Trust somehow

(Chorus)

Well, there is a light at the end of the tunnel…I know


I really feel like this song today. I feel like I'm lost and drowning...that life's crushing down and I can't catch my breath. The peace of God feels so far away. It really sucks. Shouldn't be that way, but life right now seems as far away from peace as you can possibly get.

Offerings

My Offering

(by The Longing)

I lay it all down, my dreams and my crowns

Lord, I surrender

I lay it all down, my fear and my doubt

Lord I surrender, Lord I surrender

My heart like never before

My heart like never before

Lord, I wanna give you everything

I wanna give you everything

This is my offering

Give me the strength, enough for today

Lord, I surrender

Show me your way, give me the grace

Lord to surrender, Lord I surrender

All I have, I bring to You

To You, Lord

I have this song on a CD my hubby got from Promise Keepers (well, actually, I looked at the CD as I was registering him on-line and purchased it :D). He likes the CD, but I really knew I would like it as well. Some days I guess I'm a little sneaky...tend to get like that when it comes to music.

Actually while I sit here typing this song is playing on my iPod. It's become like a daily prayer for me. Life has been going at a really insane pace. It's a pace which would usually drive me over the edge, but I've been working to do changes and apparently they seem to be having some effect. Thank you for that one!!

We had two deaths in our family the past three weeks, one funeral last week which I couldn't attend due to distance and one tomorrow that I will attend on behalf of my family, as they won't be able to attend this one. That's been 5 deaths since January (two of my extended family, my friend who lost her battle with cancer, one person I knew from youth group person and a next door neighbour I grew up playing and going to school with)...there tends to come a point when you dread answering the phone in some aspects. Honestly don't know what the voice will say on the other end.

It's brought to the forefront of my mind how important it is to realize we ultimately have no control. Life becomes a different ballgame when that's completely accepted. Some days it's really hard. Some days I feel like there's nothing to even offer up to Him to use, but He simply asks us to bring what we have, surrender it completely and willingly to Him and He'll use it in ways we can't even comprehend!

So as I prepare for this day, and prepare to be with family (most who don't know Him) tomorrow, as they mourn, I simply say to Him, "Here's all of me...I'm bringing it to You...use this offering in the way You see most fitting...I'll listen for what You lead and will follow!"

Empty Canvas

In the past month, due to a lot of circumstances, I've found myself drawn back to writing. Am beginning to want to pick back up the journals I placed down quite a while ago. I am very slowly also starting to put pencil, colour and paint to paper and draw and paint my prayers, frustrations and dreams.

A few days ago, I drew out an image which had been in my dreams the previous nights before. The truth is that a lot of people would probably look at it and not understand why I would draw it. But, once it began to take shape, clarity began to come, in terms of what it meant. I drew a pencil outline of an image of half a Gerbera daisy and the other half of the sheet of paper was painted black.

The prompting of what the picture meant was that we are beautifully created by God. There's a part of us already visible to ourselves and the people around us, but there's still a whole other part that is yet to be discovered. He deeply knows every part of us, especially that darkened part and in His perfect timing, will reveal more and more pieces of the puzzle to us and those around us.

As I've continued to look at this image over the passing days and contemplate on the meaning, I realize that there are many decisions we are called to make. They make no sense at the time...they might very well cut deep and hurt to make them...they might cause anger, confusion, pain, etc. But even as we make them, He knows what the end result of the picture will ultimately be. That decision is one small piece in a huge puzzle yet to be uncovered and pieced together.

In the end He wraps round us with deep love and understanding when those hard decisions are made, simply for the fact we step out in blind faith, despite how hard the results of those actions might feel afterwards. For me, there's great comfort in that.

Engulfing Presence

I Cling to the Cross

(by Paul Baloche)

I cling to the cross and everything it means
I know it's the only hope there is for saving me
For without Your great mercy
I would be forever lost
With a thankful heart I come
And cling to the cross

Standing at the empty tomb
Promises I have in You arise
I was made alive in You
Everything You said was true
You suffered, died, and rose to bring us life

I cling to the cross and everything it means
I know it's the only hope there is for saving me
For without Your great mercy
I would be forever lost
With a thankful heart I come (Jesus I come)
With a thankful heart I come
With a thankful heart I come and cling to the cross

The world behind me, the cross before me
The world behind me, the cross before me
The world behind me, the cross before me
No turning back, no turning back

I had the chance to listen to this song this morning. It ministered to me and reassured of His deep presence right now. This morning, I sat in quietness of His presence. No matter what might be on my heart, I'm so very grateful for the cross and I cling to it. It's the foundation that wraps around even when nothing makes sense. Some days there is a sense of joy and other days are those where that uncertainty and those questions are heavy and you simply cry out for His presence to wrap around and engulf.

"Be still, and know that I am God"

~ Psalm 46:10(a)

Disheartened Spirit

He told them, "You don't get to know the time. Timing is the Father's business. What you'll get is the Holy Spirit. And when the Holy Spirit comes on you, you will be able to be my witnesses in Jerusalem, all over Judea and Samaria, even to the ends of the world."

~ Acts 1.7-8

I have been praying up a decision for a while. I came to a really hard conclusion today. Have to say that I haven't felt this way since we made the decision to move a few years ago. My heart hurts really bad tonight.

There are a few reasons for choosing this picture to accompany my post. First, the decision involved where this picture was taken. Second, this was a very peaceful place for me. It was quiet and refreshing. Lastly, it portrays for me the mixture of the heart I'm feeling right now - a place that's a little dark, disheartening and resigned, but yet is peaceful and securely in the hand of God.

I'm still trying to get my head around this decision. I'm still trying to get my head around where God's direction will lead next. If it will ever lead back to the place so firmly on my heart. I'm trying hard to understand and simply rest in the 'peace that passes all understanding'. I have to admit that I'm struggling big time with it.

As I sit here, I truly believe He understands those disheartening feelings, those feelings of resignment. He calls us to make decisions we don't always understand or like. I don't think He expects us to always be able to do it with a joyful heart and spirit. It's just simply expected we'll follow on what is felt that He's leading and know that even though we might not understand things now, the picture will unfold in His perfect timing.

The minute I said, "I'm slipping, I'm falling," your love, God, took hold and held me fast. When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up.

~ Psalm 94.18-19

Rhythms of Life

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

~ Matthew 11.28-30

I'm currently in the midst of a Bible study assignment, where I'm supposed to find verses which speak of resting in God. Seems really fitting for me...I was actually relieved when our study group took a turn this way. I think sometimes people think I'm clueless in observing the chaotic nature of my life. I'm not...I'm very well away of the chaos which is so often there. There are many moments when I long for that chaos to be replaced with peace and gentler rhythm of life. And sometimes it does simply happen on its own and other times there needs to be a push in some way, shape or form, in order for that change of pace to occur.

I guess what keeps coming to my mind lately is the fact we so often want to be a help to the people around us. We want to be that support and help with taking some of the chaos away from someone's life, but it's not our responsibility. Even though we might see it and know that they are heading to disaster, sometimes lessons simply have to be learned. Many times those lessons come in ways we might not understand at all or like.

I was away for a few days with my family. It was truly amazing to me, how simply by taking us away from our environment and responsibilities, that rest came. We were able to live at a slower pace...just hang out and actually have time to talk. It also gave time for silence and time with God. And many revelations came from that time.

The realization came that you don't always have to be talking when you are meeting with God. There are times when there might be complete and utter silence. That's okay...maybe it simply means that it's been way too long since you've met together and you need to get reacquainted before conversations starts.

I'm really resting in Matthew 11.28-30. It's one of my favorite passages of scripture. It brings much comfort and peace...

Unique Blockheads

Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
(1 Corinthians 12.14-26)


This passage of scripture was one of the ones read yesterday in the sermon. I've been thinking about it a lot. It actually hit me quite hard, as I read it. I try my hardest to make sure I don't portray an attitude of being better than anyone else. But the fact of the matter is that as I walked into church yesterday, I was having trouble seeing my purpose. I was battling through what tangible things I actually offer to those around me. So as I sit here today, I still am contemplating through those things.

This picture was on the cover of our bulletin this weekend. I really liked it. And the cool thing about a picture is the fact that depending on who looks at it, we will get a wide variety of commentaries on what it stands for.

Anyone who visits this blog knows I talk quite often about thinking outside of the box. But when I look at this picture right now, it brings to mind the fact that we all have a box we live in...they are all unique...some longer, some wider, some tall, some short, some newer, some ragged...but no matter what their appearance, they are all special and all have a purpose. They are specially chosen for the person who lives within it.

This past year I've been trying hard to reach to the far corners of my box and have been trying hard to be content with where I've been placed, no matter what the circumstances. Honestly, that's easier said than done some days. I have days where I can't see the purpose of my box even being where it is. I have days where I question whether or not I'm the correct person to even have ownership of that box.

But we all have a purpose. I know it would be a much easier life if we all knew that and believed it all the time. But I also think that there are times when He's okay with us questioning that purpose and place. For me, that questioning allows a fair amount of growth. It allows me to seek out the strength I need to endure a situation which is occurring. It allows me to find the faith to carry on, even when I can't fathom that it would lead to anything positive.

Right now I'm 'contemplating the medical maze'...trying to understand what makes no sense. Trying to deal with what's dealt in a positive way, so that despair doesn't set in. I'm looking at the blessings in my life, as then the spotlight is taken away from what I can't change.

As I look at the picture again, I'm also trying hard to carry my box in my arms, as then I'm not totally consumed with me. Then I will be able to see the people around me and serve them in whatever way I can at the time.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

(Romans 12.3-8)

God-Honouring?

Romans 12.1-21
Place Your Life Before God

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.

If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don't take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.

Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.

Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it."

Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

I know I've probably posted this scripture before. I shared with the older kids of our church on Sunday, that this is the passage I go to when I'm angry or sad. Then I went into a talk about Sri Lanka, sour skittles, masks and loving people and being there for them in all circumstances.

Really, this is the passage I go to in all circumstances, especially when I'm wanting to 'turtle' and put a mask over my life. Right now I'm in this weird twist of sadness, questioning, a lot of tiredness, some anger and sheer frustration. I asked a friend today about discouragement and how it works into the Christian life. Their answer was that it's a honest response to what's taking place. That you can't stuff it or deny it or it will live within you and turn you into a person of despair. They ended with these words..."the trick is to meaningfully express it in such a way that God is honoured."

So I sit and contemplate as to how I can meaningfully express things and honour God, especially when I'm fighting that urge to just 'turtle' and mask...basically stuff and deny it.