Synchronicity

This fall, after throwing out every excuse in the book (and there were A LOT in that list), I found myself saying yes to taking a class that was being offered at our church. This class is different than anything I've ever taken. It brought me out of my comfort zone, on many levels, right from the start. But now that I'm 3 1/2 months into it, I look back and realize that it's been a very good thing.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about the fact, that more than once what's been discussed in class has come up in our church's Sunday morning sermon, which has allowed the dialogue to continue on in my brain.

"see, that's the kind of synchronicity we can expect when we're letting God speak through seemingly random spiritual disciplines."

My friend answered back about how cool the synchronicity is that happens when we let God speak through seemingly random things. Yeah it's very cool...on multiple levels. That synchronicity has me thinking often on the gravity of being open enough to let God speak through every aspect of life, even the ones that don't have any connection in our mind or those that we don't really think anything could be spoken through. It comes with the responsibility of being prepared to go deeper...and to embrace all that entails. To look deep within...to hear the, "Whys and questions" which will inevitably come out of that process. Being prepared to face those, "Whys and questions" that surface and both the good & the bad that comes from that. It means being willing to peel away the layers of this life and honestly find answers...not to just fly off quick and easy surface responses, but instead to allow deep and purposeful responses to arise.

What I'm finally beginning to realize, is that the journey deeper is one which will eventually bring you to a place of realizing how awesome His love is for each one of us. It will bring forth the challenge to see yourself through His eyes...to see all that He sees when He looks at you, rather than viewing yourself through human eyes.

For me, even though it's a really cool process to experience, I also find it very scary at times. But then I look back and see where I've come from and that brings forth strength to journey on...to jump the hurdles of fear and to continue to penetrate deeper. Inevitably I've found myself going down some of the tunnels of life that I said I would never visit again...sometimes coming back out of them seeing things in a very different light than I ever saw them before or simply coming back out feeling a little less entrapped by the anger, pain, confusion, etc. of some of those tunnels.

“You’re my son (daughter). I’m crazy about you and well into everything you do.” (Rob Lacey)

This quote was read at the end of our service on Sunday...the daughter portion was added in for those of us who were of the female variety in the crowd. I found a lot of comfort in it...in knowing that no matter what, I have a Heavenly Father who's crazy about every aspect of me. And I was challenged...to begin living my life with that same kind of love. To live life with a deep love... in every circumstance I find myself. A deep love that I'll readily offer to every person that crosses my path, including the one I see in the mirror each day and also to the Heavenly Father who never leaves my side.

Mr Bean - Nativity Scene

Christmas Turkey

Mr. Bean Christmas On the Street

We've had an awesome time celebrating with family today. Our kids received the Mr. Bean box set and we've spent some quality time laughing at our favourite Mr. Bean Christmas scenes.

Who Am I?

Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell's confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
Compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farwell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine!

~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity."

~ Jeremiah 29.11-14

Hmmm...the one verse that characterizes the journey of our family. One that we look to often, even more so in times of crisis. And tonight this picture seems to fit the verse like a glove in my mind for one reason or another. Maybe because the pictures signifies a time when I encountered God in a very real way...brings me back to this really peaceful moment and place found in this beautiful country ravaged by civil war.

But the other reason is that it signifies for me a visual of what it takes to completely and totally trust that He does indeed have plans for you. And then not only to trust that, but to give up control and let yourself be led down the path He has in mind, even though you can't see what's around the corner.

Never an easy thing...especially when through our human eyes the path He's directing towards seems far from what we might consider a hopeful future.

Thank You

I found myself writing in my journal yesterday for what seemed like the first time in a very long time. The past while I've lost track of many things, especially of who I truly am and what things I need to do in order to truly commune with God, even on the simplest of levels.

Yesterday as I wrote I began to say, "Thank You" to God for Sunday. This past Sunday, He set things up so that I ended coming into church late. My kids were sitting with my sister and because I couldn't find them, I snuck in the back row...it was empty and I felt draw to sit there. And then began one of the most amazing experiences I've had with God in quite a while. I met with Him just like it was the first time. Despite the fact the room was really full, it was like there wasn't a single soul in that room except God and I. And as in the picture above, my arms were raised and I felt His Spirit gently wrapping around me, making it ever known that He was right there with me.

Honestly, I've been living in the wilderness for a while...am still probably on the fringe. But on Sunday He made it known that no matter where I walk, He'll also be right there with me...even though I might not feel like He is.

I've been listening to this song almost daily...it seems a fitting way to end this post. He truly does take us as He finds us and uses us for His purposes, because He truly is mighty to save.

Mighty to Save
Hillsong Australia

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus. (x4)

Breaking Free of the Addiction

Addiction
A physical or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, such as a drug or alcohol. In physical addiction, the body adapts to the substance being used and gradually requires increased amounts to reproduce the effects originally produced by smaller doses.




The one thing I've already realized this year is how easy a person can allow themselves to become enslaved to something without even realizing they were enslaved at all.

And yes, this image is portraying what I allowed my body to become enslaved to. Yes, I purchased it and drank it, but didn't realize how much I was consuming. How do you not know this? I don't really have a good answer for you, except to say DENIAL!!

So I've started this year off on an interesting note. I told God that I want to be free of this. I want to come to him for all things, instead of turning to consuming something when under stress, etc. I made the decision to quit purchasing and consuming and quit cold turkey.

Have to confess that I don't know if the cold turkey method was the right approach to take. It's definitely been a much harder road than I thought it would ever be. As in the words of a friend..."it's really eating at you, isn't it!" Yes, it is eating at me...more some days than others. Would love to say that I can walk by a huge display in the store and I don't give it a second thought, but that would definitely be a lie.

But every day that ends as another one free of that substance entering my body is an awesome thing. And the differences in attitude and ability to handle stress and work load have been eye-opening. I'm a different person and that difference makes me a much better wife, mom, friend, co-worker, etc. and that's the best reason of all to continue on the journey to be free of it!

State of Refusal

Have you ever known you were supposed to step out in faith and do something? A time when He's deeply speaking, it makes complete sense and feels right? But yet you made the choice to refuse based on residue from a past attempt to step out?

Who knows, maybe I'm just crazy, but that's very much where I am. God's telling me to go and I want to badly, but there have been questions posed about things in the past and questioning of why I really think I'm supposed to go, that I don't know if I'm can put myself out there just o be stomped down yet again.

Why the picture? That's where He's telling me I'm supposed to go...since the day we returned from there a couple of years ago He's been speaking that I needed to prepare to go back. Last year I even filled out a ton of paperwork in preparation to apply to go and ended up ripping it up and throwing it away, because some questions I fielded caused me to question and buy into the fact I'm never going back, that I'm not able to be a good enough team member...one whom can work through all people in whatever circumstances present themselves, that I'm a mom and too old to be on a team and therefore do not fit the mold of what a team member should be.

So now I sit, and right now, in a state of refusal. It's basically a protection of the heart...trying to avoid any more hurt than that which has already come. There aren't many words to say what that feels like...basically...crushed and heart broken...and wondering why God allowed my heart to meet, fellowship and begin to love people and a place so deeply, when He knew that would cause me to want to go back and minister in whatever was required of me, yet only to make it seem impossible to ever go back, even though He's saying to.

So now I sit at a crossroads...to drop the refusal and step out, despite what others might think, to step out but go somewhere completely different and see what comes from it or to risk not going anywhere at all.