Quitting...

We've been doing some purging, painting and house cleaning this past while. I was going through some papers and came across an article I'd printed...10 Ways to Know It's Time to Quit. It was written by Geri & Pete Scazzero and came from I Quit: Stop Pretending Everything is Fine and Change Your Life (Zondervan, 2010). This article was posted by Willow Creek Association.

It talked about the fact that when we quit things that are damaging to our lives that we're then freed up to live life differently. A quote from the article said, "Quitting goes hand in hand with choosing".

These were 8 "Quits" that were deemed essential to all genuine spirituality and they seems things worth posting:

1. Quit Being Afraid of What Others Think (Choose Freedom)
I am willing to cut through the disapproval of others and do what is good, true and loving. I no longer ignore the values I hold dearly. Who I am "on stage" before others is the same person I am "off stage" when I am by myself.

2. Quit Lying (Choose Truth)
The degree to which I live in the truth - with myself, God and others - is the degree to which I am free. Learning how to speak the truth respectfuly, honestly and clearly is one of the most significant ways I can respect the image of God in myself and others.

3. Quit Dying to the Wrong Things (Choose Delighting in God's Gifts)
I will no longer set aside or devalue activities or relationships that cause my soul to feel fully alive (e.g. music, dance, art, the outdoors, travel). I will take the time to exlore my internal world of thoughts, feelings, values, loves, beliefs and motivations.

4. Quit Denying Anger, Sadness and Fear (Choose Embracing Your Humanity)
When it comes to feeling, I will avoid extremes - neither neglecting my emotions nor allowing them to run my life. I will allow myself to experience them in the presence of God, calmly think them through, and then take appropriate action.

5. Quit Blaming (Choose to Take Responsibility)
As a human being made in God's image, I recognize that no one is responsible for my life but me. I reclaim my freedom to choose my own life and help others do the same. I can't change others, but I can change myself - with God's grace.

6. Quit Overfunctioning (Choose Letting God)
I will no longer do for others what they can and should do for themselves. I will push through my fears in the face of resistance, asking God fr courage and wisdom.

7. Quit Faulty Thinking (Choose to Live in Reality)
I will refuse to make things bigger than they are. I will not take offense or blame for something before having all the data. And I will not believe the falsehood that things will never change. I will position myself so that the Spirit can correct my wrong assumptions and align me with the truth.

8. Quit Living Someone Else's Life (Choose to be Yourself)
By God's grace I will embrace the unique life He has given me. I will listen to my God-given rhythms, set appropriate boundaries with others, and let go of other people's agenda for me. In this way I will enter into the joy of my own beautifully, God-given life and carry out His unique purposes for me.

A Saddened Heart...

I posted the video, "A Pittance of Time" below. I saw this video a couple of years ago & seem to watch it every Remembrance Day. I watched it this morning before getting my kids together & driving to our city's Remembrance Day service.

Near the end of the service, the wreaths had all been laid and the bagpipes began to play while the Veterans began to march back onto the floor to do a walk by salute. I was shocked to see people get up and start leaving. Even when the applause of thanks from the crowd broke out for the Veterans, the people didn't stop to applaud...they continued to leave.

It saddened me to have to answer my kids' questions of, "Why?", in terms of why they had left. I was at a loss for words...no answer would have made things seem clear to them or to me.

It saddened me because we live in this Western world bubble. Blind to all that has happened in the past, blind to all that's currently happening and blind to all that could possibly happen in the future. War is something that hasn't been experienced personally by most, so it brings a false sense of safety & that brings forth ignorance and lack of respect.

I sat in the arena today and spoke briefly with Little Miss about her middle name & about the person who's name she shares. See that person is my great aunt...she was an AMAZING woman. My great grandfather & my great uncle fought in different battles, but they both fought in them. When my great uncle was overseas, he met my great aunt. They were married and she came back to Canada, where she waited, alongside his family, for him to return home. My great uncle returned safely...he passed away years later from complications due to an injury sustained during the war. My great aunt was a war bride. She survived longer than her husband. She was able to live the life of freedom he and others had fought so selflessly for. Given any opportunity she would share her story with people. She knew the importance of telling the story forward so that people wouldn't lose sight of the freedom we have. She made sure we always had that importance at the forefront of our minds.

That is why it's vital to me that my children know the importance of never forgetting and never taking things for granted. Today's events that I witnessed just intensified how vital it is to impress the importance of remembrance on my children's lives & and my own, today and every day that comes before us!

Whispers

"Right where I am I will do my best to breathe God's light into our world."

"Right where I am I will do my best to make our organization healthy."

"Right where I am I will not use anger as a leadership tool."

"Right where I am I will see to help solve addictive behaviours that numb my mind."

"Right where I am I will own up to what I've done wrong & make it right."

"We will reach out to the untouched & untouchables."

I went to a Leadership conference this past weekend. I came into it with some huge reservations & and also with some things that were crippling me. See, I had allowed something to take place in my heart that was very dangerous. I had bought into the lies of the "enemy" in a spiritual sense. I was at a place of believing I was failing at a whole lot of things, didn't believe that I was doing anything of worth in the many roles I find myself in and that someone more qualified probably should've attended the conference.

The phrases above were stated in the first 30 seconds of the introduction for the conference. And from that moment on, my pen flew on the pages of my notebook, frantically trying to get everything down. To sum things up in a nutshell...this conference messed me up big time! But that wasn't a bad thing, because I truly believe I needed to be messed up to begin realigning my mindset on life.

By the end of the first night's sessions, I got in my van to drive home. When I got home, I finished up some work and then broke down. Those sessions had messed with and that was a good thing. They constantly talked about NOT QUITTING...PRESSING ON...always remembering that you are a treasured child of the most high God and that He'll always be with you and NEVER leave you!

The one speaker spoke about quieting ourselves and listening to God's whispers. He talked about the fact God's whispers are often short...then he gave a list of some whispers:

1. Don't quit

2. Step up

3. Take the risk (You've been too safe)

4. Apologize now

5. Make the tough decision

6. Get help

7. Stop running from God

8. Slow down

9. Show your heart (Your team needs it)

10. Let others lead

11. Feed your soul

12. Bless the team

13. Make the ask (I need your help...courageous leaders make the ask)

14. Doing something more impactful

15. Come clean

16. Embody the vision

17. Celebrate the victories

18. Speak the truth

19. Pay the price

20. Count your blessings

21. End the secret

22. Check your motives

23. Set the pace

24. Give God your best

25. Get physically fit

26. Serve your spouse/kids

27. Pray

28. Humble yourself

Many of the whispers in this list were echoed repeatedly throughout the course of that night and the next day. It was overwhelming powerful...I don't think I could have guessed what was coming when I stepped into that building to partake of that conference! We took in a whole lot of awesome information and we were given many reflective questions & I've come home with a whole lot to process.

That night, one of the things we were asked to do was this:

"For the next couple of days, ask God to speak & listen for what He's saying. Later on we were instructed to take a minute right then and there to listen to God. Then we were to write down what He had said, if anything was said."

As I sit here with my notebook opened to that page, I'm blown away by what I wrote down in a couple of reflection times about what God said. He repeatedly spoke love, worth, peace & strength into my life...all of which was so badly needed. I thought I was the wrong person to be there, but God knew that was exactly where I was supposed to be and He ensured I knew He had shown up.

So I'll end things like this...

Do you believe that God still speaks today? Have you totally surrendered to God? Or are you just living out a script? Will you do everything in your power to hear His voice & heed it? Take a minute to listen God and see what He might be wanting to whisper to you!

A Clean Slate

"I'm thankful that each day is a brand new one...a clean slate...a chance to continue to press on...simply doing life & embracing all there is to experience, if only I have the resolve to keep my eyes forward & not allow them to shift back to that which I can't change."

This morning when I logged onto Facebook, this was what came to mind, so it was what got posted as my status update for the day. A lot of things have been flying through my head and the underlying themes with everything is that I can't change the past, and going through life, looking back & beating myself up for every mistake & short-coming I've ever had will do no good and will only deter the forward motion that I'm created to have. But, the reality is that this falls into my hands. I am the only one who can find and keep the resolve to place my eyes forward and keep them there. So, I'm desperately trying to do that today and will wake up tomorrow and desperately try to do it again. And hopefully down the road, it will be a more natural & calm choice, instead of continuing to be a desperate action .

Peaceful Conflict Resolution

Peaceful Conflict Resolution

Respect the right to disagree.

Express your real concerns.
Share common goals and interests.

Open yourself to different points of view.

Listen carefully to all proposals.

Understand the major issues involved.

Think about probable consequences.

Imagine several possible alternative solutions.

Offer some reasonable compromises.

Negotiate mutually fair cooperative agreements.

--Robert E. Valett

Came across this in my drafts. I saw it last year on a poster which was hanging in the lunchroom I helped out in. I Googled it and printed out a copy which now hangs on the wall in my office, as a daily reminder of how I need to approach my job and life in general. I actually really want to print out another copy and hang it on the bulletin board in our kitchen...I think it could bring forth some really rich discussions.

I like the fact the first thing stressed is that it's OKAY to disagree and further down the list it also speaks about being open to different points of view. It then goes on to speak about the importance of voicing your real concerns, making sure you are hearing all points of view & proposals, think about reasonable outcomes and more to make sure you examine more than one outcome ('cause there's never really just one answer to a situation).

What struck me when I first saw this poster, and which continues to, is that if we start living these points out in our lives, I think we would find ourselves closer to being connected more fully with those around us. We would become a much more understanding people. We would begin to love and live life in a totally different way. And I think that new way of living out life would be much closer to how Jesus lived His life and deep down I believe He probably desires for us to live our lives.

Well, those are my thoughts at least...

Synchronicity

This fall, after throwing out every excuse in the book (and there were A LOT in that list), I found myself saying yes to taking a class that was being offered at our church. This class is different than anything I've ever taken. It brought me out of my comfort zone, on many levels, right from the start. But now that I'm 3 1/2 months into it, I look back and realize that it's been a very good thing.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about the fact, that more than once what's been discussed in class has come up in our church's Sunday morning sermon, which has allowed the dialogue to continue on in my brain.

"see, that's the kind of synchronicity we can expect when we're letting God speak through seemingly random spiritual disciplines."

My friend answered back about how cool the synchronicity is that happens when we let God speak through seemingly random things. Yeah it's very cool...on multiple levels. That synchronicity has me thinking often on the gravity of being open enough to let God speak through every aspect of life, even the ones that don't have any connection in our mind or those that we don't really think anything could be spoken through. It comes with the responsibility of being prepared to go deeper...and to embrace all that entails. To look deep within...to hear the, "Whys and questions" which will inevitably come out of that process. Being prepared to face those, "Whys and questions" that surface and both the good & the bad that comes from that. It means being willing to peel away the layers of this life and honestly find answers...not to just fly off quick and easy surface responses, but instead to allow deep and purposeful responses to arise.

What I'm finally beginning to realize, is that the journey deeper is one which will eventually bring you to a place of realizing how awesome His love is for each one of us. It will bring forth the challenge to see yourself through His eyes...to see all that He sees when He looks at you, rather than viewing yourself through human eyes.

For me, even though it's a really cool process to experience, I also find it very scary at times. But then I look back and see where I've come from and that brings forth strength to journey on...to jump the hurdles of fear and to continue to penetrate deeper. Inevitably I've found myself going down some of the tunnels of life that I said I would never visit again...sometimes coming back out of them seeing things in a very different light than I ever saw them before or simply coming back out feeling a little less entrapped by the anger, pain, confusion, etc. of some of those tunnels.

“You’re my son (daughter). I’m crazy about you and well into everything you do.” (Rob Lacey)

This quote was read at the end of our service on Sunday...the daughter portion was added in for those of us who were of the female variety in the crowd. I found a lot of comfort in it...in knowing that no matter what, I have a Heavenly Father who's crazy about every aspect of me. And I was challenged...to begin living my life with that same kind of love. To live life with a deep love... in every circumstance I find myself. A deep love that I'll readily offer to every person that crosses my path, including the one I see in the mirror each day and also to the Heavenly Father who never leaves my side.

Thank You

I found myself writing in my journal yesterday for what seemed like the first time in a very long time. The past while I've lost track of many things, especially of who I truly am and what things I need to do in order to truly commune with God, even on the simplest of levels.

Yesterday as I wrote I began to say, "Thank You" to God for Sunday. This past Sunday, He set things up so that I ended coming into church late. My kids were sitting with my sister and because I couldn't find them, I snuck in the back row...it was empty and I felt draw to sit there. And then began one of the most amazing experiences I've had with God in quite a while. I met with Him just like it was the first time. Despite the fact the room was really full, it was like there wasn't a single soul in that room except God and I. And as in the picture above, my arms were raised and I felt His Spirit gently wrapping around me, making it ever known that He was right there with me.

Honestly, I've been living in the wilderness for a while...am still probably on the fringe. But on Sunday He made it known that no matter where I walk, He'll also be right there with me...even though I might not feel like He is.

I've been listening to this song almost daily...it seems a fitting way to end this post. He truly does take us as He finds us and uses us for His purposes, because He truly is mighty to save.

Mighty to Save
Hillsong Australia

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus. (x4)

Breaking Free of the Addiction

Addiction
A physical or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, such as a drug or alcohol. In physical addiction, the body adapts to the substance being used and gradually requires increased amounts to reproduce the effects originally produced by smaller doses.




The one thing I've already realized this year is how easy a person can allow themselves to become enslaved to something without even realizing they were enslaved at all.

And yes, this image is portraying what I allowed my body to become enslaved to. Yes, I purchased it and drank it, but didn't realize how much I was consuming. How do you not know this? I don't really have a good answer for you, except to say DENIAL!!

So I've started this year off on an interesting note. I told God that I want to be free of this. I want to come to him for all things, instead of turning to consuming something when under stress, etc. I made the decision to quit purchasing and consuming and quit cold turkey.

Have to confess that I don't know if the cold turkey method was the right approach to take. It's definitely been a much harder road than I thought it would ever be. As in the words of a friend..."it's really eating at you, isn't it!" Yes, it is eating at me...more some days than others. Would love to say that I can walk by a huge display in the store and I don't give it a second thought, but that would definitely be a lie.

But every day that ends as another one free of that substance entering my body is an awesome thing. And the differences in attitude and ability to handle stress and work load have been eye-opening. I'm a different person and that difference makes me a much better wife, mom, friend, co-worker, etc. and that's the best reason of all to continue on the journey to be free of it!

State of Refusal

Have you ever known you were supposed to step out in faith and do something? A time when He's deeply speaking, it makes complete sense and feels right? But yet you made the choice to refuse based on residue from a past attempt to step out?

Who knows, maybe I'm just crazy, but that's very much where I am. God's telling me to go and I want to badly, but there have been questions posed about things in the past and questioning of why I really think I'm supposed to go, that I don't know if I'm can put myself out there just o be stomped down yet again.

Why the picture? That's where He's telling me I'm supposed to go...since the day we returned from there a couple of years ago He's been speaking that I needed to prepare to go back. Last year I even filled out a ton of paperwork in preparation to apply to go and ended up ripping it up and throwing it away, because some questions I fielded caused me to question and buy into the fact I'm never going back, that I'm not able to be a good enough team member...one whom can work through all people in whatever circumstances present themselves, that I'm a mom and too old to be on a team and therefore do not fit the mold of what a team member should be.

So now I sit, and right now, in a state of refusal. It's basically a protection of the heart...trying to avoid any more hurt than that which has already come. There aren't many words to say what that feels like...basically...crushed and heart broken...and wondering why God allowed my heart to meet, fellowship and begin to love people and a place so deeply, when He knew that would cause me to want to go back and minister in whatever was required of me, yet only to make it seem impossible to ever go back, even though He's saying to.

So now I sit at a crossroads...to drop the refusal and step out, despite what others might think, to step out but go somewhere completely different and see what comes from it or to risk not going anywhere at all.

A Little Worship Photography

I've had the chance to attend one full night and another partial night of a "Worship Module" being held at my church. Being that it's smack in the midst of soccer season, to even attend a little bit is a good thing. Anyhow, last week I came back to work and decided I just wanted to spend some time photographing the back wall of our church. We have this really awesome mural at the back. I know that everyone who looks at the mural sees different things, but I took the opportunity to take some close up pics for specific reasons.

You see, when I look at the first one, it reminds of the fact that my church is a sanctuary. When I'm in a bad spot, I like to go to the church and just be. I like the image of the church because it reminds me of ours. We are a unique and loving bunch.

I love the image of the guy. He's looking forward and not backwards. Exactly how we're supposed to be. We can't change the past, can't be consumed by the immediate happenings of today...we have to be living with the end in mind. Fix our eyes on the end, realizing that there'll be many twists and turns, detours and dead-ends.

Well, I took more, but I'm not going to put them all up...it's late and been a very busy week...let's face it, I'm tired! If you want to see a full size shot of the mural and reason for it's happening, you can go http://northvus.blogspot.com/2005/10/was-only-joke.html, http://northvus.blogspot.com/2006/05/depth-to-surface.html.

Have to say it's definately been a great experience to step out and learn to worship God in different pathways other than the norm. Especially through photography and art, as they are very refreshing to me. I think there's a lot of freedom in learning to worship your way, despite whether it's the way those around you would choose to enter in.

It's nice that He brings those life lessons, especially in the midst of life running at insane paces. That's a real sweet blessing...

Carrying Arms...

He Will Carry Me

(Mark Schultz)

I call, You hear me

I’ve lost it all

And it’s more than I can bear

I feel so empty

You’re strong

I’m weary

I’m holdin’ on

But I feel like givin’ in

But still You’re with me

chorus:

And even though I’m walkin’ through

The valley of the shadow

I will hold tight to the hand of Him

Whose love will comfort me

And when all hope is gone

And I’ve been wounded in the battle

He is all the strength that I will

Ever need

And He will carry me

I know I’m broken

But You alone

Can mend this heart of mine

You’re always with me

chorus

And even though I feel so lonely

Like I’ve never been before

You never said it would be easy

But You said you’d see me through

The storm

chorus

This song has been playing the last couple of days in my van, at some point during my trek. I've been digging deep the past while. Looking towards Him and trying hard to see the many blessings through the storm(s). Funny how storms come in a variety of forms. For our house it's seemed like endless illness or pesky childhood bugs and also through simply the busyness of life and constant demands that simply come from all the different aspects of life.

A lot of prayers have been lifted up from my mouth, to simply give me strength to endure what's ahead. To be a beacon of light in whatever situation arises. And for it to be all Him and not me.

He didn't ever promise this life would be easy. If anything, The Word tells that it won't be easy, especially when you stand up and proclaim Him as your Saviour.

But He did sacrifice His life for us. And He will stand by us through the storms, through the life decisions we make and even when we are alone, we are never really alone, because He's always there, ready to carry someone when they feel they can't take another step.

"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God, "I'll get you out of any trouble. I'll give you the best of care if you'll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I'll rescue you, then throw you a party. I'll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!"

~ Psalm 91.14-16

Drowning...

40 Days
(by Mark Schultz)

Lord, I came to the mountaintop
To be with You
I felt Your grace falling down like rain
And I was made new

But there are times like now when I’m all dried out

(Chorus)

And it’s like 40 days out in the desert
Feeling like I’m lost forever
And crying out for You
But in these 40 days I’m going to seek You
With my heart because I believe You
Have brought me to this place
These 40 days

Lord, Your ways are not my own
But I trust You
Lord, You say, “You are not alone,
For I am with you”

But there are times like now when You can’t be found

(Chorus)

‘Cause You are with me
You never leave me
Even when my world turns upside down
‘Cause there are times like now when I will
Trust somehow

(Chorus)

Well, there is a light at the end of the tunnel…I know


I really feel like this song today. I feel like I'm lost and drowning...that life's crushing down and I can't catch my breath. The peace of God feels so far away. It really sucks. Shouldn't be that way, but life right now seems as far away from peace as you can possibly get.

Offerings

My Offering

(by The Longing)

I lay it all down, my dreams and my crowns

Lord, I surrender

I lay it all down, my fear and my doubt

Lord I surrender, Lord I surrender

My heart like never before

My heart like never before

Lord, I wanna give you everything

I wanna give you everything

This is my offering

Give me the strength, enough for today

Lord, I surrender

Show me your way, give me the grace

Lord to surrender, Lord I surrender

All I have, I bring to You

To You, Lord

I have this song on a CD my hubby got from Promise Keepers (well, actually, I looked at the CD as I was registering him on-line and purchased it :D). He likes the CD, but I really knew I would like it as well. Some days I guess I'm a little sneaky...tend to get like that when it comes to music.

Actually while I sit here typing this song is playing on my iPod. It's become like a daily prayer for me. Life has been going at a really insane pace. It's a pace which would usually drive me over the edge, but I've been working to do changes and apparently they seem to be having some effect. Thank you for that one!!

We had two deaths in our family the past three weeks, one funeral last week which I couldn't attend due to distance and one tomorrow that I will attend on behalf of my family, as they won't be able to attend this one. That's been 5 deaths since January (two of my extended family, my friend who lost her battle with cancer, one person I knew from youth group person and a next door neighbour I grew up playing and going to school with)...there tends to come a point when you dread answering the phone in some aspects. Honestly don't know what the voice will say on the other end.

It's brought to the forefront of my mind how important it is to realize we ultimately have no control. Life becomes a different ballgame when that's completely accepted. Some days it's really hard. Some days I feel like there's nothing to even offer up to Him to use, but He simply asks us to bring what we have, surrender it completely and willingly to Him and He'll use it in ways we can't even comprehend!

So as I prepare for this day, and prepare to be with family (most who don't know Him) tomorrow, as they mourn, I simply say to Him, "Here's all of me...I'm bringing it to You...use this offering in the way You see most fitting...I'll listen for what You lead and will follow!"

Empty Canvas

In the past month, due to a lot of circumstances, I've found myself drawn back to writing. Am beginning to want to pick back up the journals I placed down quite a while ago. I am very slowly also starting to put pencil, colour and paint to paper and draw and paint my prayers, frustrations and dreams.

A few days ago, I drew out an image which had been in my dreams the previous nights before. The truth is that a lot of people would probably look at it and not understand why I would draw it. But, once it began to take shape, clarity began to come, in terms of what it meant. I drew a pencil outline of an image of half a Gerbera daisy and the other half of the sheet of paper was painted black.

The prompting of what the picture meant was that we are beautifully created by God. There's a part of us already visible to ourselves and the people around us, but there's still a whole other part that is yet to be discovered. He deeply knows every part of us, especially that darkened part and in His perfect timing, will reveal more and more pieces of the puzzle to us and those around us.

As I've continued to look at this image over the passing days and contemplate on the meaning, I realize that there are many decisions we are called to make. They make no sense at the time...they might very well cut deep and hurt to make them...they might cause anger, confusion, pain, etc. But even as we make them, He knows what the end result of the picture will ultimately be. That decision is one small piece in a huge puzzle yet to be uncovered and pieced together.

In the end He wraps round us with deep love and understanding when those hard decisions are made, simply for the fact we step out in blind faith, despite how hard the results of those actions might feel afterwards. For me, there's great comfort in that.

Engulfing Presence

I Cling to the Cross

(by Paul Baloche)

I cling to the cross and everything it means
I know it's the only hope there is for saving me
For without Your great mercy
I would be forever lost
With a thankful heart I come
And cling to the cross

Standing at the empty tomb
Promises I have in You arise
I was made alive in You
Everything You said was true
You suffered, died, and rose to bring us life

I cling to the cross and everything it means
I know it's the only hope there is for saving me
For without Your great mercy
I would be forever lost
With a thankful heart I come (Jesus I come)
With a thankful heart I come
With a thankful heart I come and cling to the cross

The world behind me, the cross before me
The world behind me, the cross before me
The world behind me, the cross before me
No turning back, no turning back

I had the chance to listen to this song this morning. It ministered to me and reassured of His deep presence right now. This morning, I sat in quietness of His presence. No matter what might be on my heart, I'm so very grateful for the cross and I cling to it. It's the foundation that wraps around even when nothing makes sense. Some days there is a sense of joy and other days are those where that uncertainty and those questions are heavy and you simply cry out for His presence to wrap around and engulf.

"Be still, and know that I am God"

~ Psalm 46:10(a)

Rhythms of Life

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

~ Matthew 11.28-30

I'm currently in the midst of a Bible study assignment, where I'm supposed to find verses which speak of resting in God. Seems really fitting for me...I was actually relieved when our study group took a turn this way. I think sometimes people think I'm clueless in observing the chaotic nature of my life. I'm not...I'm very well away of the chaos which is so often there. There are many moments when I long for that chaos to be replaced with peace and gentler rhythm of life. And sometimes it does simply happen on its own and other times there needs to be a push in some way, shape or form, in order for that change of pace to occur.

I guess what keeps coming to my mind lately is the fact we so often want to be a help to the people around us. We want to be that support and help with taking some of the chaos away from someone's life, but it's not our responsibility. Even though we might see it and know that they are heading to disaster, sometimes lessons simply have to be learned. Many times those lessons come in ways we might not understand at all or like.

I was away for a few days with my family. It was truly amazing to me, how simply by taking us away from our environment and responsibilities, that rest came. We were able to live at a slower pace...just hang out and actually have time to talk. It also gave time for silence and time with God. And many revelations came from that time.

The realization came that you don't always have to be talking when you are meeting with God. There are times when there might be complete and utter silence. That's okay...maybe it simply means that it's been way too long since you've met together and you need to get reacquainted before conversations starts.

I'm really resting in Matthew 11.28-30. It's one of my favorite passages of scripture. It brings much comfort and peace...

Unique Blockheads

Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
(1 Corinthians 12.14-26)


This passage of scripture was one of the ones read yesterday in the sermon. I've been thinking about it a lot. It actually hit me quite hard, as I read it. I try my hardest to make sure I don't portray an attitude of being better than anyone else. But the fact of the matter is that as I walked into church yesterday, I was having trouble seeing my purpose. I was battling through what tangible things I actually offer to those around me. So as I sit here today, I still am contemplating through those things.

This picture was on the cover of our bulletin this weekend. I really liked it. And the cool thing about a picture is the fact that depending on who looks at it, we will get a wide variety of commentaries on what it stands for.

Anyone who visits this blog knows I talk quite often about thinking outside of the box. But when I look at this picture right now, it brings to mind the fact that we all have a box we live in...they are all unique...some longer, some wider, some tall, some short, some newer, some ragged...but no matter what their appearance, they are all special and all have a purpose. They are specially chosen for the person who lives within it.

This past year I've been trying hard to reach to the far corners of my box and have been trying hard to be content with where I've been placed, no matter what the circumstances. Honestly, that's easier said than done some days. I have days where I can't see the purpose of my box even being where it is. I have days where I question whether or not I'm the correct person to even have ownership of that box.

But we all have a purpose. I know it would be a much easier life if we all knew that and believed it all the time. But I also think that there are times when He's okay with us questioning that purpose and place. For me, that questioning allows a fair amount of growth. It allows me to seek out the strength I need to endure a situation which is occurring. It allows me to find the faith to carry on, even when I can't fathom that it would lead to anything positive.

Right now I'm 'contemplating the medical maze'...trying to understand what makes no sense. Trying to deal with what's dealt in a positive way, so that despair doesn't set in. I'm looking at the blessings in my life, as then the spotlight is taken away from what I can't change.

As I look at the picture again, I'm also trying hard to carry my box in my arms, as then I'm not totally consumed with me. Then I will be able to see the people around me and serve them in whatever way I can at the time.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

(Romans 12.3-8)

God-Honouring?

Romans 12.1-21
Place Your Life Before God

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.

If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don't take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.

Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.

Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it."

Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

I know I've probably posted this scripture before. I shared with the older kids of our church on Sunday, that this is the passage I go to when I'm angry or sad. Then I went into a talk about Sri Lanka, sour skittles, masks and loving people and being there for them in all circumstances.

Really, this is the passage I go to in all circumstances, especially when I'm wanting to 'turtle' and put a mask over my life. Right now I'm in this weird twist of sadness, questioning, a lot of tiredness, some anger and sheer frustration. I asked a friend today about discouragement and how it works into the Christian life. Their answer was that it's a honest response to what's taking place. That you can't stuff it or deny it or it will live within you and turn you into a person of despair. They ended with these words..."the trick is to meaningfully express it in such a way that God is honoured."

So I sit and contemplate as to how I can meaningfully express things and honour God, especially when I'm fighting that urge to just 'turtle' and mask...basically stuff and deny it.

Processing A Lot...

All My Praise

(Selah)

I will follow You through green pastures

And sing hallelujah to Your Name

I will follow You through dark disaster

And sing hallelujah through the pain

And even in the shadow of death

I will praise You

And even in the valley I will say

Holy, My God

You are worthy of all my praise

Holy, My God

You are worthy of all my praise

You are seated on your throne in heaven

And You see all of us down here

And You have promised You will not abandon

So I shall not fear

And even in the shadow of death

I will praise You

And even in the valley I will say

Holy, My God

You are worthy of all my praise

Holy, My God

You are worthy of all my praise

You made every star

And You taught it how to shine

You knew my name before there was time

And all this was just part of Your glorious design

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Holy, My God

You are worthy of all my praise

Holy, My God

You are worthy of all my praise

Have listened to this song a lot today. It goes hand in hand with the thought that if you praise, you'll have trouble staying discouraged. It's definitely been an interesting week. Just received news from home that our old next neighbour's child died early this morning. He was a year younger than me. He had cancer, but had won that battle. We grew up together, went to school together. It's a tragedy for his family...this year is the 10th year anniversary of his sister dying...another family member was buried a few weeks ago.

I just don't understand at this moment. But then again, we're not supposed to always understand what's going down.

Torn Up Inside...

Without You

(Bebo Norman)

Take these hands and lift them up

For I have not the strength to praise You near enough

For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

Take my voice and pour it out

Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found

For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

All my soul needs

Is all Your love to cover me

So all the world will see

That I have nothing without You

Take my body and build it up

May it be broken as an offering of love

For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

All my soul needs

Is all Your love to cover me

So all the world will see

That I have nothing

But I love You

With all my heart

With all my soul

With all my mind

With all the strength that I can find

Take my time here on this earth

And let it glorify all that You are worth

For I am nothing, I am nothing without You

This song was playing in the van as I drove the kids to swimming lessons yesterday. It brought me to a place of wiping the tears away as I drove...they simply wouldn't stop. You see, it's been a hard week. A precious woman of God in my life went into the palliative care unit on Monday. I knew there was a chance it would come, but continued to hold on strong to the possibility of God performing a beautiful miracle by restoring her body from the cancer that ravaged her body. But yesterday morning, as I answered the phone at work, I received the call that she had passed away. I never prepared myself for the fact I might be the one who took that call and it rocked me more than I ever could have imagined.

You see, we haven't been in this city quite 3 years yet, so a lot would probably look and say I didn't know her that well so why would I be so upset. But I had the privilege of being friends with her baby brother and his wife in our previous city. When she first got sick with cancer, I began to pray alongside her family, despite the fact I didn't know the sound of her voice or what she looked like or what her family looked like. But even then I knew she was precious and a faithful and loving woman of God, because I saw her through her baby brother's family's eyes.

Then when we moved, I finally met her and she was so very precious. We made memories talking in the front foyer of the church, at our time around the Wednesday prayer circle, watching kids for the M2M group, having coffee together, etc. She was truly special. She was one of the few people who sensed when I was sick and would call and just talk with me. Every time that occurred I was strengthened and encouraged.



I honestly don't think I was nearly as faithful a friend to her as she was to me. Being a young mom ends up making life insane sometimes, especially when I was homeschooling. Deep down I know she knew how much I loved and appreciated her, despite that busyness that occurred.

You know, I may not have known her as long as others around me, but I loved her. You couldn't not love her once you knew her. She was an example to me of how to live for Christ, to be a wife and a mom. I didn't get to see her in the hospital this week...when I was there, I wanted the family to have as much time with her as possible. I did bring sustenance and spend time with with her family. I believe that's what I was supposed to do and if the roles had been reversed, exactly what she would have done. In the words of my husband..."she knew you were there." Now I will pray alongside them and be there in whatever tangible way is needed.

I was blessed to see her a few weeks ago and spent an hour talking with her. She talked with me about the importance of balance in my life....with work and my family. She made me promise to unplug my phone on my days off (or at least stringently use my caller ID). She took so much comfort in my sharing how our work team was faithful about watching each other's back and lifting each other and our families up in prayer. She stressed over and over again the importance of my kids and family and that at the end of the day, they are all that truly matters. We do the things we do for their well-being and only have a short time with them, so we need to embrace it.

Those words, that time and all the other memories of being with my friend are speaking deeply to me today. I know they will continue to speak deeply, as I work through why she left this earth at the age of 46, when in my mind, she had so many years left to live out with her husband and kids. I know she wants us to have peace in knowing she was ready to go home and be with her Father. And eventually that will come, but I think for a time, there will be a tearing up inside and longing for what's been lost. In my mind, that's perfectly okay! It's normal and healthy...there would be more questions I believe if that didn't occur.

The pictures throughout this post are some that I took with my kids this weekend. We simply picked up the camera and had some fun together. Yes, I'm on the infamous Facebook and created an album which will house pictures of simply embracing the blessings in this life. I said in the description that to many, it will simply be a bunch of pictures, but every time I look at it, I will always remember my friend, the times we spent together and drink deeply from the love, advice, care and concern she always offered me.

"Anyone who welcomes you welcomes me. And anyone who welcomes me welcomes the One who sent me. Suppose someone welcomes a prophet as a prophet. That one will receive a prophet's reward. And suppose someone welcomes a godly person as a godly person. That one will receive a godly person's reward. Suppose someone gives even a cup of cold water to a little one who follows me. What I'm about to tell you is true. That one will certainly be rewarded."
~ Matthew 10.40-42