Horror and anger fill the girl's heart,
A secret which she's ashamed of.
Unable to voice her anger and worry,
I've been thinking about a lot of things this week. As I read this poem, I reflect on whether, even though a person gives everything over to Christ and commits their life to Him, there's sometimes residue which comes along.
So is that residue the result of the person not giving everything completely to Christ? Or when something severely traumatic as this even which occurred, is there the possibility of feelings deep, deep within, lingering despite the salvation which has been accepted? Or does it just take a long and deliberate path in order to completely process and get through things?
I think this mostly has come into my head, as I battle with the fact of needing to get an accountability partner. Throughout our move, my hubby has been my accountability partner and in marriage I think our spouses are that role to a certain extent, just because of the intricate and intimate relationship we share. For me, getting an accountability partner means completely setting down roots. I have to admit this scares me, as every time throughout this journey over the last few years, when I have set down roots and started to dig deep, we've then heard God's voice telling us His plan included us being elsewhere.
I think right now I'm at a point of being so tired, in terms of putting myself out there and then having everything ripped away. Don't get me wrong...every move God has taken us has been a good one and something which caused us to grow and become a little more Christ-like. It's just hard for me to let the walls down and put myself out there, and then when moved, to realize that something which you thought was a tight relationship really wasn't, at least in a lot instances. I know I have to have faith and trust me, my faith is stronger than ever right now. I think I'm just beaten down, because of so many instances in the past where I've been shunned especially because of my past or even for how I choose to live my life for Christ.
I guess that's why Silenced came to mind today. As the church we say we want to be Christ's feet, hands and eyes, but does what we say and what we truly do weave together? Do we actually come alongside people and truly accept them where they are, instead of where we think they should be on a list of preset rules or guidelines? Do we put ourselves out there and meet them where they are, or do we expect them to come to us? I know what I want to be and I try very hard to do that everyday, but I think that's mostly because I've been on the receiving end of not being met where I was and being looked upon so hard as a result of where my past choices had led me.
Praise God for a handful of very special people, who accepted me for who I was inside, despite all I did in life! It's truly because of how God worked through them that I am where I am today. I don't even want to think about the "what ifs" if things had been handled differently. Today I'm praising God as well, for a church family who truly lives out daily the act of meeting people where they are at, and accepting you for who you are, in spite of where you came from...that's Christianity at it's purest form!