Monday, February 13, 2006

Road Trip

On Saturday, I went on an afternoon and evening road trip, back to my old stomping grounds. The real reason behind this little road trip was the fact that my sweetie is worried about me...he said that he feels I'm burning out and haven't been talking with him about it, so he just wanted me to do something which would allow me access to someone to talk with, allow me some time to rest and refocus on life and this is exactly what happened! We did manage to talk through things before I left and especially after I came back (I have been withdrawing from people and now know that I really need to be putting myself out there instead). It's a two and a half hour drive to get there and another two and a half hours back, so it gave me an amazing time of prayer and contemplation, a time to listen to beautiful music which spoke deeply to my heart, mind and soul and to just have quiet to reflect on the past 5 months...where I came from, the changes which occurred, what battles I've faced and might continue to face currently and to focus and anticipate on where God's calling and leading me to go in the next 5 months to a year.

This was such a refreshing time for me, as he revealed the fact that even though I've given some things over to him and was feeling some peace, I was still trying to take control over certain things, especially those pertaining to my kids with discipline, homeschooling, family life, etc. He also showed me that I'd taken things into my own hands essentially in some areas of ministry...I've been suppressing ministry ideas and not continuing to write them out as I usually would, as I didn't think they meant anything now that I'm at a different church. In the end, I told Him that I would continue to write down the ministry ideas, the poetry and song ideas and that I would plain be open and listening for His direction in all areas of my life, instead of only some.

I was blessed to have a two hour window to just talk with one of my closest friends...I miss her so much...we've got that really unique friendship in terms of knowing each other are being thought of, prayed for and loved, regardless of whether we are able to talk everyday, once a week or every few weeks. She is such a blessing to me...I can be so completely raw and real and know that I'll be loved and looked upon in the same way when the day's completed. This time with her, along with my prayer time, brought me to a completely new place in terms of life. I felt the layers falling off and realized that I cannot continue to live in the past, but need to look forward and celebrate the future. For the first time, I left these old stomping grounds without tears, because I wasn't yearning to be back there. I was leaving my friend's city and it was great to visit her, but when I left, I was grateful to be coming back to my husband, my children, my church, in my city...because it's home and where God wants us to be and I'm anticipating where he's planning to take us this with Christ at the realm is truly an adventure and I wouldn't ask for my life to be any different!

I listened to a song this fall, which I felt was fitting to how I truly feel in terms of my friends and their families and that I know they feel for me and my family. The only difference is that they know our family still loves them and we know they still love us, but that they also realize that we live our lives following Christ's leading and that will always allow for the possibility of going down different roads of life, but still being with each other in mind and spirit, because we are all ultimately family in the awesome family of God!

I Wish (by JoDee Messina)

It's not easy saying this to you
It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do
But boy before you go
I want you to know

I wish you strength
When times are hard
Oh I wish with all my heart you find what you're looking for
I wish you joy
I wish you peace
And that every star you see's within your reach
And I wish you still loved me

I wish things were different you know that
But still I'm happy for the time we had
You mean the world to me
Baby please believe

Losing you is tearing me apart
But a part of me will be with you
No matter where you are

I'm praising God today for who he is and for what he's done, what he's continuing to do and what he plans to do in my life, in my marriage, in my family, in my church and in the lives of all my friends. He is so amazing and continually faithful...he truly is the air I breathe and always only a pray or thought away...Shalom!


audrey` said...

Happy Valentine's Day Cinder!
Jesus loves you very much.

Cinder said...

Thanks Audrey...Happy Valentine's Day to you too...isn't so great Jesus loves us all so very much!

Pia said...

Happy Valentine's Day!

God bless you as always. =)

Patti said...

It's wonderful that you have a close friend that you can be totally honest with. It's even more wonderful that you have a husband that sees your need to recharge and realizes that you need other people than just him. That is kind of rare.

Jackie said...

I'm glad you had a chance to get away and see someone you can really talk to. It's important to take time out for yourself away from the everyday things. These are the best times to hear what the Lord is saying to you. Continue to seek Him!