Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The Surreal Life

I'm really not liking technology right's bound and determined to drive me insane! I have started to post my journals at A God Journey. I am hoping to begin posting more pictures with the posts, but right now technology is not letting me, despite mountains of attempts. The first part is telling of our travel, which would usually be uneventful, but, we were privileged enough to travel into Heathrow airport right in the midst of the foiled terrorist made for some interesting journaling! You can either access A God Journey by clicking the link on my sidebar of blogs or you can click on the link in the post below this one.

Life's been extremely interesting this summer and essentially a time of extremes. There have been times of feeling assailed to the point of truly wanting to give up, simply due to the fact that the walls seemed to be caving in right on top of us. Then there were the extreme highs and joys of seeing God at work in the purest and strongest of forms in Sri Lanka. There have also been the reality of looking at mortality head-on and in a variety of forms.

You see, before we left on our trip, we had just found out that a friend had a tumor on her spine and the doctors were pretty sure it was cancer, but didn't know the type or any information. Our friend is three weeks older than it became a reality in my mind, that just as easy the tables could be turned and I be in this situation rather than her. When we arrived home, we were greeted with the news that our friend had a rare, aggressive form of cancer and would be receiving chemotherapy almost daily, which would require her to be hospitalized for the duration.

I have to admit that I felt extreme guilt...I ached inside for what she must be going through and what this must be doing to her son, but in the same sense, I was feeling blessed for where God had our family at this point in time. He had brought us to a huge place of strength and peace, which would allow us to be there fully for our friends, in whatever way they need us to be.

Yesterday, I was able to travel the 2 hours to sit with my friend and be there in whatever capacity she needed. It turned out that she's only had the first round of chemo and is still feeling fairly well, so we were able to talk a lot (4 hours to be exact) and to just discuss a multitude of things - what the future holds, how her son will be affected by this, what she needs those around her to do for her, the fact that God's by her side every step of the way and that He will be her continual source of strength, endurance, peace and love throughout this trial.

One of my other friends also ended up in the hospital while I was in town, so I was able to also go and be with them for a little bit. They were in extreme pain and weren't up for visiting, but I knew that going in. I simply sat by her bedside and was there for her...held her hand, supported her, let her know I loved her and that I would be thinking of her and praying for her, even after I got in that car to go back home.

I left very late and it meant I wouldn't be getting home until midnight. Usually that wouldn't have been a huge issue, but since the trip, I've been going to bed between 8:30pm and 10pm (a little ridiculous I know, but it's where my body's at right now). I purchased an insane amount of caffeine (an Ice Cap, bottle of Pepsi and a fudge chocolate bar). Was this a smart move? No, but it was the choice I made and almost proved to be life-changing in a horribly bad way. I was past the halfway point to home, and had turned off the music and put the news on, as there had been storm warnings where I came from and I wanted to see how bad the winds were going to blow me around on the highway. The bad thing was, that the announcer kind of droned on and in a matter of seconds, he lulled my eyes closed without me even knowing. I don't know how long I was asleep...probably only about 30 seconds...but, it was long enough for me to wake up on a curve in the road, heading straight for the ditch at about 115km/hour. I woke up just in time to correct the direction of our van and get myself back into the proper lane.

I practiced extreme stupidity last night and am know it's only by the grace of God that I crawled into bed last night with my sweetie and that I'm sitting in my basement with my kids this morning. It's surreal as to how things can literally change in a split second. God's continuing to open my eyes to many things, even now that we are back home in the "comfort" of the western world. I truly think that it's only going to be a matter of time before God moves our entire family away from the "comfort" of the western world and into a place to do His work in a vastly different way than what we are used to.

Lots of time to think and ponder that and so many other things. I'm off to do the tasks of life which are calling and to continue to reflect on life and all its levels. God truly is an amazing God and we are blessed beyond's a huge responsibility to use those blessings and gifts in the proper avenues and to put ourselves out there all the time. For me, it's a concentrated effort right now, to seek God's guidance in how to be where He needs me to be and to also be as effective as I can, especially right now as I experience a time in my life where I am feeling strength and peace vs. being completely assailed.


audrey` said...

Your friends are very blessed to know you, Cinder :)

Corry said...

Thank The Lord for watching over you! I am sorry for your friends and will remember them in my prayers.

God's Grace.

Cinder said...

Audrey ~ Thanks Audrey...remember that you too are a blessing to all who cross your path! I hope you'll have an amazing weekend...blessings and love to you!

Corry ~ Yah, I have been praying a lot of thanksgiving prayers to Him. One of my friends actually is now out of the hospital and despite all that's transpiring with the other, she's staying very strong. They will appreciate all the prayer cover they can get.

I hope all is well with you and Kc and that your weekend's a blessed one...blessings and love to you both!