Sunday, January 28, 2007

I'm Back....

It's definitely been a pretty interesting week. I just felt a need to take a complete break from typing my thoughts online. I even took a few days break from email...when people emailed me they received the following message..."I am taking a short break from the world of email and internet, but I'll be back. I will reply to your message when I return." I had quite a few people ask me what was up. I told them that I felt I had let the computer overtake my life a bit too much and needed to regain some stronger discipline in this area. I also had many who commented really positively at seeing that message bounce back to them.

Where it really came from though, was the sermon preached last Sunday at church. We have been going through a series on Joshua this month and last week's sermon was on CONFIDENCE IN GOD...Choose HOW you will succeed: with faithlessness and fear or with or with faithfulness and courage. Hmmm, what is the definition of fear again?

fear
1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. 2. a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling: an abnormal fear of heights. 3. concern or anxiety; solicitude: a fear for someone's safety. 4. reverential awe, esp. toward God. 5. that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid: Cancer is a common fear. –verb (used with object) 6. to regard with fear; be afraid of. 7. to have reverential awe of. 8. Archaic. to experience fear in (oneself). –verb (used without object) 9. to have fear; be afraid.

This sermon hit way too close to home for me for a variety of reasons. I have been living life in fear the last little while. Fear of failure in all aspects of my life, fear of continual sickness, fear of my fellow man...this has caused me to have a very low self-worth and really made me want to live life almost in an invisible state.

At the end of our sermon notes was a simple response...I AM TOO BIG/SMALL AND IT'S GETTING IN THE WAY OF SERVING YOU. We were invited to come to the cross and leave our response there...make sure that we didn't leave having unfinished business with God. So I met with God at that cross last Sunday and did business with Him. I confessed what needed to be confessed, I sat and wept in His presence and also was refueled by His presence and love.

This was one of the songs we sang...did I say that I was on worship team last week? But as my friends told me...you do business with God if you need to, 'cause that takes precedent over all things! Anyhow, I really drank this song in as we sang it...


EVERMORE
(Joel Houston)

LOST FOR WORDS WITH ALL TO SAY
LORD YOU TAKE MY BREATH AWAY
STILL MY SOUL, MY SOUL CRIES OUT FOR YOU ARE HOLY

AND AS I LOOK UPON YOUR NAME
CIRCUMSTANCES FADE AWAY
NOW YOUR GLORY STEALS MY HEART FOR YOU ARE HOLY

YOU ARE HOLY
YOU ARE HOLY, LORD

EVERMORE MY HEART, MY HEART WILL SAY
ABOVE ALL I LIVE FOR YOUR GLORY
EVEN IF MY WORLD FALLS I WILL SAY
ABOVE ALL I LIVE FOR YOUR GLORY

WITH ALL MY HEART I’LL SAY
I’M LIVING FOR YOUR NAME
WITH ALL TO GIVE YOU PRAISE
WE’RE LIVING FOR YOUR GLORY LORD

So, a lot of this week was spent attempting to hash out a plan with Him. Get my life back together...begin to not only carve out and begin spiritual disciplines, but most importantly, to make them part of my everyday life, so that they become as natural as breathing. I've failed deeply in this area and am now working hard to rectify the situation.

I've also continued to do battle with illness and so have needed to put my energy into teaching, attempting to do life with my family and simply resting. Life continues to be interesting...I have a very unusual allergy/intolerance...to garlic! On Friday, Mr. Cinder and I actually went out on a date...ended up being sicker than a dog from reacting to garlic in the food. Oh well, it was a blast and I wouldn't trade it, but I am still recovering from it, as my stomach has taken a beating, with this and also all the antibiotics I've been taking.

Another song we sang, fueled me greatly and I've sang it more than once this week. I think it's a good way to end this post...I'm thinking I'll be singing it more than once this week as well!


I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN
I WILL DECLARE MY CHOICE TO THE NATION
I WILL SHOUT FOR JOY IN THE CONGREGATION
I WILL SERVE MY GOD… ALL MY DAYS

AND THOSE WHO LOVE THE LORD ARE SATISFIED
THOSE WHO TRUST IN HIM ARE JUSTIFIED
AND I WILL WORSHIP GOD… ALL MY DAYS

WHEN THE NATIONS CRUMBLE…
(THE WORD OF THE LORD WILL STAND)
KINGS MAY RISE AND FALL…
(BUT HIS LOVE WILL ENDURE)
THOUGH THE STRONG MAY STUMBLE…
(THE WORD OF THE LORD IS STRENGTH)
TO MY SOUL (TO MY SOUL AND…)
I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN- I WILL NOT BE MOVED
I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN
© 1996 Integrity Hosanna!/ CCLI #285903


1 comment:

Corry said...

I hope you are feeling much better!

I sympathize with living in/with fear. I have it a lot. But it helps to say it and face it.
Kc told me fear is:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

I also noticed that when you fear something, you react to that fear and therefor make what you fear come true.
We should only fear God. And leave everything else in His hands, where it belongs. :-)

Have a wonderful and blessed day, dear sister.

God's Grace.