Disheartened Spirit

He told them, "You don't get to know the time. Timing is the Father's business. What you'll get is the Holy Spirit. And when the Holy Spirit comes on you, you will be able to be my witnesses in Jerusalem, all over Judea and Samaria, even to the ends of the world."

~ Acts 1.7-8

I have been praying up a decision for a while. I came to a really hard conclusion today. Have to say that I haven't felt this way since we made the decision to move a few years ago. My heart hurts really bad tonight.

There are a few reasons for choosing this picture to accompany my post. First, the decision involved where this picture was taken. Second, this was a very peaceful place for me. It was quiet and refreshing. Lastly, it portrays for me the mixture of the heart I'm feeling right now - a place that's a little dark, disheartening and resigned, but yet is peaceful and securely in the hand of God.

I'm still trying to get my head around this decision. I'm still trying to get my head around where God's direction will lead next. If it will ever lead back to the place so firmly on my heart. I'm trying hard to understand and simply rest in the 'peace that passes all understanding'. I have to admit that I'm struggling big time with it.

As I sit here, I truly believe He understands those disheartening feelings, those feelings of resignment. He calls us to make decisions we don't always understand or like. I don't think He expects us to always be able to do it with a joyful heart and spirit. It's just simply expected we'll follow on what is felt that He's leading and know that even though we might not understand things now, the picture will unfold in His perfect timing.

The minute I said, "I'm slipping, I'm falling," your love, God, took hold and held me fast. When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up.

~ Psalm 94.18-19