Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Anchored to My Rock

I find it really interesting that during a time of reflection for me, I sometimes look back and don't even recognize the person I was a little while back. To look and see, that the road you took through a situation was so winding and up and down, and realize it's truly a small miracle that you even made it through that portion of the road...it's a blessing and testament of who He truly is!

God brought me through a visual journey of the last 7 months of my life this weekend. He especially took me to a time only 4 short months ago when I was in the battle of my life...right smack in the middle of the season of 'adventure'. I was being deceived into believing that I wasn't good enough to be a wife to my husband, a mother to my kids and a friend to anyone who crossed my path. I fought through the mental battles which were saying, "They're better off without you...it will be hard, but they'll get through and there will be someone who's better suited for them than you...you're better off dead, rather than alive...life's not going to get any better, it will be quick and painless and this is the best possible thing you can do for everyone involved!" I look back now and I don't even recognize myself at that point of my life. I know at that time I couldn't fathom that things would actually get better and despite the constant love, adoration and praise of my husband and family, I couldn't shake the notion that they'd be better off without me. I didn't want to seek out help and counsel from my pastors, because I was too proud to let people see what I was enduring. I look back and think that one important reason this happened, was to show me that I needed to surrender my prideful ways...I needed to quit masking my battles and trying to fight them on my own...I needed to realize that when you truly need it, it's not inconvenient to ask for help and counsel, it's a necessary thing to do, in order to effectively navigate the storms of life. Despite everything that went on in that battle, the one thing I do know is that even though I felt so far away from God in those moments, I knew He was there with me. I knew that no matter how dismal things seemed to me, that those notions weren't from God...they were deceptions and I needed to hold tight to my rock, even though I felt I was slipping off of it fast. I've had two clear visuals which describe this time in my life...One of the monkey on my back...the monkey had gotten off my back and in my face, but it wasn't just in my face at that moment...he was blocking my vision and trying hard to suffocate the life right out of me. Another one is of me being under water, with the surface in sight, but unable to get up for air...slowly drowning and paralyzed in terms of knowing what to do.

I know that all the situations in our life, both good and bad, help to shape us in many ways. They teach us to be patient and wait on the Lord, they help us to gain strength and perserverance to aid us during future storms of life, they help us to gain a clear perspective of what's most important in this life, they help us to hear the voice of God in a clearer way and so many other things. Would it have been nice to not endure some of the past storms of life which I have been in? To have a smoother road to walk and less bumps or detours to navigate? I honestly don't think I would have as strong a walk with Christ or be the servant He needs me to be if I hadn't have walked the road which I have. He's made us all unique creations for a specific reason...we aren't supposed to endure this life in the same way and we need to be equipped for where He needs us to go, which might be a place where someone else never goes.

He's given me a new visual...I'm firmly planted on my rock of life and even though I know the path might not always be a smooth one, I know I'm going to make it through and be stronger as a result of what comes my way. No matter how tough things might get, my anchor is holding strong and no matter how hard I might be tossed and thrown around, I won't sink and will never be far from Him, because my anchor is embedded deep within the rock of life. He's not about to let me go and will never let me sink...that's heavenly truth and reassurance for me!


Corry said...

I am so thankful you found the rock of life:-)
I can so totally relate to almost all of you've been through.
Psalm 23:4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

God is good!

God's Grace.

M. C. Pearson said...

Jesus is my rock and he rolled my tears away...bop shoo bop shoo bop wooo!

Ever heard that song before? We used to sing it in High School Sunday School.

God is Good!

audrey` said...

We're standing on the most solid rock :)
God is very awesome and faithful!

Cinder said...

Corry ~ I'm thankful too that I found the rock of life ;)...God is so very good!

M.C. ~ I haven't heard that song before, but I like it...that line speaks a huge amount of truth and hope...God is good!

Audrey ~ God is so amazing and faithful and He is definitely the most solid foundation anyone can find!