I love You Lord
'Cause You alone are my God
I love You Lord
You left your glory in heaven
You alone are my God
©1998 SONshines music
I find it interesting how God brings things into the forefront of your brain for a purpose. Yesterday, as I sat attempting to have quiet so as to gain a reprieve of peace, God brought me this song. He knows what I've been thinking this past week...He knows what people have been telling me...He knows what the "enemy" has been trying to feed me.
As I sat on my couch, this prayer was being lifted up silently..."I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I let down my guard and put down my armor. I'm sorry I've allowed my head to be turned from the light. I love you and I need you more than ever now. Help me...help me to find peace, strength and gentleness, instead of continuing to be on constant edge. Show me what to do...help me find rest in You again.
This prayer was barely out of me before this song began to fill the room. As I began to sing to Him, I was flooded with a whole wave of emotions. I was overcome by them and brought to a place where I wept...but this time I wasn't weeping out sadness, I was weeping out of relief because I could feel His spirit flooding the room and wrapping around me, saying it's okay that I'm human and not perfect. That He'll guide me down the road I need to go, He'll give me strength and endurance, a calm and gentle spirit, a peace that passes all understanding.
I know the road lately has been winding and treacherous at times...I simply want a more peaceful journey through it. I don't want to be in the same old cycles of life, especially the destructive ones which seem to take me away from the light. I'm sick of going off-roading into those "dark" detours and especially without my flashlight and sword.
Yesterday for me was a day to be quiet in all my voices and to listen to the voices around me. I wasn't going to email, wasn't going to write things out on my blog. I was simply going to listen for God's voice through reading His word and through talking with Him in prayer. I was going to read and listen where I felt led...whether that be in the people right around me, books, the words in a song, blogs and/or their comment boxes, etc. He brought me many places and filled me with many things.
As I was reading comments placed on a post, one line of a comment flew off the screen and into my brain. It didn't even fly off in terms of the context, but simply because of where God was leading my thoughts.
i think the problem is that we think that we have to figure it all out in order to pray for God to do the right thing. we should probably just ask for that, whether we can discern what the right thing is or not. he's God. he'll figure it out. (http://e-pistles.blogspot.com/2006/09/robert-johnson.html)
I sat quietly and thought on why this had flew off the screen at me. The answer which came was simple...I was trying so hard to figure out why I am "feeling" the way I am right now and have been in a really low place because I don't have a clue. Instead of raking myself over the coals and trying to desperately discern what's going on and what I need to do, I just need to fall back on the eternal knowledge I have deep inside. He knows what's going on and why it's happening, and He knows what steps I need to take to get things to a better place. I don't have to have it all figured out before I go to Him. He's fine with me coming in a "messed up" state...He'll be able to see through the "mess" and help me to navigate through.
It's refreshing to type that last paragraph. Because, despite all that's going on, I feel Him with me...feeling the Light is so very much better than feeling the loneliness of the dark.