Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Inadequately Equipped...

Proverbs 31:10-31: The Noble Wife (NIRV)
10 Who can find a noble wife? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband trusts her completely. She gives him all the important things he needs. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She chooses wool and flax. She loves to work with her hands. 14 She is like the ships of traders. She brings her food from far away. 15 She gets up while it is still dark. She provides food for her family. She also gives some to her female servants. 16 She considers a field and buys it. She uses some of the money she earns to plant a vineyard. 17 She gets ready to work hard. Her arms are strong. 18 She sees that her trading earns a lot of money. Her lamp doesn't go out at night. 19 With one hand she holds the wool. With the other she spins the thread. 20 She opens her arms to those who are poor. She reaches out her hands to those who are needy. 21 When it snows, she's not afraid for her family. All of them are dressed in the finest clothes. 22 She makes her own bed coverings. She is dressed in fine linen and purple clothes. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate. There he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen clothes and sells them. She supplies belts to the traders. 25 She puts on strength and honor as if they were her clothes. She can laugh at the days that are coming. 26 She speaks wisely. She teaches faithfully. 27 She watches over family matters. She is busy all the time. 28 Her children stand up and call her blessed. Her husband also rises up, and he praises her. 29 He says, "Many women do noble things. But you are better than all the others." 30 Charm can fool you. Beauty fades. But a woman who has respect for the Lord should be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned. Let everything she has done bring praise to her at the city gate.

I've been in a serious writer's block lately, but it seems perfect timing to do some writing about this scripture passage. For year's I've looked at this passage and felt burdened by how badly I am at my roles in life. The last few months I've looked at this more than once and just felt extreme guilt, sadness and burdened with the feeling of failure.

My family is so important to me...being the best wife and mother I can be to them is one of the most important goals in my life. Yet, as I have come into each day the last while, I have felt increasingly inadequate to do those roles. By the end of the day, I'm ragged and somedays feel like I went backwards, instead moving forward in getting things where they need to be. Many people around me say, "Well Cinder, you have three kids...", but the woman in Proverbs 31 had kids too, so I'm not playing into that line anymore.

For weeks now, I've said I didn't feel myself and now as I examine and reflect, I know it's because I've been inadequately putting on my Christian armor daily. There are sometimes days in between my armor going on and that's just blatant stupidity on my part to try and go it alone.

Ephesians 6:10-18: God's Armor (NIRV)
Finally, let the Lord make you strong. Depend on his mighty power. Put on all of God's armor. Then you can stand firm against the devil's evil plans. Our fight is not against human beings. It is against the rulers, the authorities and the powers of this dark world. It is against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly world.

So put on all of God's armor. Evil days will come. But you will be able to stand up to anything. And after you have done everything you can, you will still be standing.

So stand firm. Put the belt of truth around your waist. Put the armor of godliness on your chest. Wear on your feet what will prepare you to tell the good news of peace. Also, pick up the shield of faith. With it you can put out all of the flaming arrows of the evil one. Put on the helmet of salvation. And take the sword of the Holy Spirit. The sword is God's word.

At all times, pray by the power of the Spirit. Pray all kinds of prayers. Be watchful, so that you can pray. Always keep on praying for all of God's people.

Because of my careless, I've allowed huge "attacks" at various levels in my life and as a result have brought some pretty big "storms" onto my family. As a result of this, it's making it virtually impossible for me to live up to Proverbs 31 right now. But deep down, I know as I begin to live life more responsibly and use my brain, things will improve and look up.

I think the most precious thing in this life is when, even when you can't see the light or through the storm, your mate can and helps God with the navigating. As I talked the other day with Mr. Cinder about the fact I might need to get a job late at night or early in the morning, in order to help us get completely debt-free, my husband spoke words which simply left me speechless and taken aback. For me, I felt like a failure of a wife and a mother and his words spoke what he sees. He said, "Your time is priceless and precious. It might not seem like that to you, but the time you spend with our kids and with me, it's more important than anything."

As I read Proverbs 31:25-29 this morning, his words rang crystal clear in my head and those, along with God's word, will get me back where I need to be. In my eyes, I might have a very long way to go...but in my husband's and God's eyes, I'm priceless and precious and eventually, with their help and love, I too will see the positive light.

"It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It never gives up." (1 Cor. 13:7 NIRV)


Corry said...

Love is priceless and you have lots of it:-)

God's Grace.

audrey` said...

Hi Cinder
I agree with Corry =)
You're a very warm and caring person, Cinder.
Take care, dear.
God bless you and your family.