Lots of A's

Right now, I should be thinking about the exciting time of the year it is. Celebrating the upcoming birthday of a precious baby who came to this Earth for you and me. But I haven't been able to focus my full attention on it. Not because of the commercialism which a lot of times will creep in. Simply because I'm working through a bunch of stuff...maybe that's how He wants it for me this year...to be working towards knowing myself better, getting back on track with Him, figuring out what's went wrong and what I can do to change. I guess maybe that would be the best present I could give Him this year...right now I just don't really know.

I've been thinking about a lot of stuff...the armour of God...Belt of Truth, Breastplate of Righteousness, Sandals of Peace, Shield of Faith, Helmet of Salvation and the Sword of the Spirit (GOD'S WORD) and how you go about retrieving the pieces you've lost along the road. Thinking about how you allow yourself to lose those things in the first place, and figuring out what you do differently, so as to not lose them again, once they're back in your possession.

Some other stuff I've been thinking about are a bunch of A's...armour, assault, abuse, alcoholism, anger, apathy to name a few. I don't feel like going into any details today...simply delving into the past and looking at experiences which might have involved me directly, indirectly or stuff I might have witnessed or been privy to as a result of friends. Thinking about the taking away of the innocence of a child at an early age and how that affects them the rest of their life, regardless of whether or not Christ is present or not. Pausing to consider whether things are wiped away instantly, or if it takes time...is there ever really a set time, or is it simply all in His perfect timing and His perfect purpose?

Really thinking on the quote I heard and read in the module I'm taking..."God doesn't waste a hurt." Thinking on the quote of wise counsel a friend gave..."Don't forget to wear one of those mining lights on your head when you go spelunking. Helmet of salvation with an attached light for your path is a good piece of gear." Somehow, this friend says things which are exactly what need to be heard, without knowing all that's going on.

So, I guess the journey will continue...it's honestly a scary one for me...coming to the realization that I might have 'stuffed' some things down and not necessarily dealt with them. Now facing the fact that I chose to deal with a lot of things on my own...didn't let my family know whole truths about things. So you cross the path, where you face whether you need to allow those truths to be known, or is it simply better for all involved to let things be as they are.

Gotta love those times of frequent and unexplainable floods of tears. I like to think that it's God's way of allowing the pain to flow from you and into His waiting hand...'cause He is right there beside us through it all, and would rather have the tears in His hands, then have them taking up valuable space inside us. He has a better use for that space...the choice to allow Him to use it simply needs to happen.