Monday, December 18, 2006

Quote From Out of the Pondering of the A's

"You should be glad that I'm in your life...you'll never find a husband, 'cause no one will be able to stand being around you...the sight of you would make them sick...they would have to put a paper bag over your head to be around you...face it - either me or alone."


Thank goodness this proved to be so far from the truth...God had bigger plans and an amazing man...yet it rings true in my head how damaging words can truly be. They dig deep...despite all the love, encouragement, positive words, adoration and security, that pain can sometimes be like a stealth, flying under the radar and staying deep inside those scars.

I never thought I would write these words down in black and white. There are times that you hope if you just turn the other way, that hopefully when you turn back, things might not have actually occurred the way you thought. I'm now at a point though, where God is telling me not to waste my experiences and pain, but to use it for His glory, in whatever way that might take on. Not easy, but essential in not being prisoner to the past, to also be able to put myself out there in whatever way God calls.

6 comments:

jollybeggar said...

sounds like satanic codependence sh*t to me.

seriously- this is the stuff that the accuser levels at our hearts all the time, trying to talk us out of the only identity that matters (that we are worth dying for...) and into agreement with these denigrations.

see, from there it takes on spiritual colour. if anyone can get us to accept this crap as true, then this person not only dismantles our picture of who we are, but also devalues the sacrifice that Christ made on our behalf... it is a form of blasphemy that is related to that of which hineini spoke recently.

if satan can't touch God without burning up, he'll poke at God by hurting us.

Cinder said...

"seriously- this is the stuff that the accuser levels at our hearts all the time, trying to talk us out of the only identity that matters (that we are worth dying for...) and into agreement with these denigrations."

hey, no worries jb...i might have bought into this a long time ago, when i was younger, under the realm of a place where i felt trapped and hopeless. but it was before i ever knew of my identity in Christ...Mr. Cinder truly helped me to see it, to help me to let the 'crap', which was clouding my picture, to go for good.

i'm simply spleunking in a rabbit hole...this came out of it and i needed to face it head-on.

it was codependance at a terribly bad level, due to past inflictions upon the heart. i look at that person and i don't recognize them, i don't understand their actions and choices...then have to sit and admit i allowed it to happen.

"if satan can't touch God without burning up, he'll poke at God by hurting us."

he's pretty persistent sometimes, but when you know that, at least you can be prepared to put up the fight needed to be triumphant.

Jayleigh said...

Wow that was heartbreaking to read... but I am glad that with God and the love of Mr. Cinder, you have come out on the other side.

**hugs**

Corry said...

I have another A for you, that often crosses my mind and is very encouraging: AMAZING. :-)

(((HUGS)))

God's Grace.

Cinder said...

Jayleigh ~ Yeah, I too am glad that I did come out on the other side...it very well could of panned pretty differently.

(((HUGS))) and blessings to you!

Corry ~ I LOVE that A...life is truly AMAZING despite all that might cross our paths...His love, grace and all that comes with His precious gift are AMAZING!

(((HUGS))) and blessings to you!

audrey` said...

Oh Cinder dear.
Please take care of yourself.

I'm so happy to know you.
You're a very caring and loving sister to me.

(((HUGS)))