Sunday, February 11, 2007

Descriptions of Life

Lately, I've been looking at what I penned for the description of this blog and me. I remember back then, it was a hard task to write anything tangible down in either of these areas. Now I look at them, and wonder how much I'm actually measuring up, on a daily basis.

"These are the thoughts and writings of a wife and a mother...who's goal is to walk alongside Christ, through faith and servant hood...wanting be "real" in all aspects of life."

I've learned some pretty valuable lessons the last while, in terms of being 'real in all aspects of life'. Especially when you find out that it hasn't necessarily been your regular practice, this isn't always as easy a feat as what it might seem. It's taken a long time to break down the walls which were up. It's also taken a bit for me to truly accept who I am as a person...that's continuing to be the key to growing towards living 'real' for me. It has indeed been a very special experience, to have people know the 'real' me. Are there days where I'm more withdrawn and closed? Yeah, I think there will always be those times for me. Lately as I've been sick so much, I don't want to burden people with it or appear as someone who's just a walking disease breeder. So, I end up saying, "I'm fine", partly because it's easier than explaining and mainly, because I don't want to dwell on the negative, but instead, continue to press on.

"I'm a wife and a mother who's continuing to learn daily about God's love and direction...and am continuing to learn how to best share his love with those around me and to serve him in the best possible way."

Lately, I'm learning to embrace my roles in this life. I have always felt very blessed through being a wife and a mother, but I'm working hard to have the best attitude inside and out. To not only think about the blessings, but reflect them outwardly, which is something I'm sometimes very guilty of not doing.

I'm learning that I have so much to learn about the blessing of God's love and the power of His direction. His love is beautiful and engulfing, especially when you come to a point of total surrender and allow Him to truly wrap around and fill you completely. The peace which comes from this is breath-taking for me and I don't have words which can adequately describe it.

I think I've learned that I still have a long way to go, in terms of being strong verbally when sharing His love with those around me. My eyes have been opened though, to how much my actions do and do not portray His love. It's sometimes a daily battle for me to live out in a positive aspect vs. a negative. There are those times when it simply feels like 'it doesn't rain, but instead pours'.

I actually am gaining an understanding as to why sometimes 'it doesn't rain, but instead pours' in my life. I've adopted the attitude, that if I continue to plug away at life, things won't seem quite so bad, as then I'm not dwelling on them. A thought which came to me this morning was this...maybe you aren't supposed to just continue to plow through...maybe you're supposed to rest and because you are choosing not to, that is indeed why it feels like things are 'pouring'. Maybe if you simply rested and allowed your body to mend, then things wouldn't have to continue 'pouring' until you get to a breaking point, where there is no other option but to rest.

I am slowly starting to realize that each day is a brand new canvas...each week will hold a variety of game plays, challenges, blessings and realizations. Some will go seamlessly and essentially 'fly by'...others will offer huge challenges, seem to almost stand still in time and take everything you've got, to get through. It's a huge process to learn to see the positive in all things for me, but I'm learning, because that's really the most important thing I'm called to bring to this life...a heart which longs to love with everything, learn and drink in all life has to offer and long to gain all it takes to experience this life to the fullest.

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