Quitting...

We've been doing some purging, painting and house cleaning this past while. I was going through some papers and came across an article I'd printed...10 Ways to Know It's Time to Quit. It was written by Geri & Pete Scazzero and came from I Quit: Stop Pretending Everything is Fine and Change Your Life (Zondervan, 2010). This article was posted by Willow Creek Association.

It talked about the fact that when we quit things that are damaging to our lives that we're then freed up to live life differently. A quote from the article said, "Quitting goes hand in hand with choosing".

These were 8 "Quits" that were deemed essential to all genuine spirituality and they seems things worth posting:

1. Quit Being Afraid of What Others Think (Choose Freedom)
I am willing to cut through the disapproval of others and do what is good, true and loving. I no longer ignore the values I hold dearly. Who I am "on stage" before others is the same person I am "off stage" when I am by myself.

2. Quit Lying (Choose Truth)
The degree to which I live in the truth - with myself, God and others - is the degree to which I am free. Learning how to speak the truth respectfuly, honestly and clearly is one of the most significant ways I can respect the image of God in myself and others.

3. Quit Dying to the Wrong Things (Choose Delighting in God's Gifts)
I will no longer set aside or devalue activities or relationships that cause my soul to feel fully alive (e.g. music, dance, art, the outdoors, travel). I will take the time to exlore my internal world of thoughts, feelings, values, loves, beliefs and motivations.

4. Quit Denying Anger, Sadness and Fear (Choose Embracing Your Humanity)
When it comes to feeling, I will avoid extremes - neither neglecting my emotions nor allowing them to run my life. I will allow myself to experience them in the presence of God, calmly think them through, and then take appropriate action.

5. Quit Blaming (Choose to Take Responsibility)
As a human being made in God's image, I recognize that no one is responsible for my life but me. I reclaim my freedom to choose my own life and help others do the same. I can't change others, but I can change myself - with God's grace.

6. Quit Overfunctioning (Choose Letting God)
I will no longer do for others what they can and should do for themselves. I will push through my fears in the face of resistance, asking God fr courage and wisdom.

7. Quit Faulty Thinking (Choose to Live in Reality)
I will refuse to make things bigger than they are. I will not take offense or blame for something before having all the data. And I will not believe the falsehood that things will never change. I will position myself so that the Spirit can correct my wrong assumptions and align me with the truth.

8. Quit Living Someone Else's Life (Choose to be Yourself)
By God's grace I will embrace the unique life He has given me. I will listen to my God-given rhythms, set appropriate boundaries with others, and let go of other people's agenda for me. In this way I will enter into the joy of my own beautifully, God-given life and carry out His unique purposes for me.

Speak

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

A Saddened Heart...

I posted the video, "A Pittance of Time" below. I saw this video a couple of years ago & seem to watch it every Remembrance Day. I watched it this morning before getting my kids together & driving to our city's Remembrance Day service.

Near the end of the service, the wreaths had all been laid and the bagpipes began to play while the Veterans began to march back onto the floor to do a walk by salute. I was shocked to see people get up and start leaving. Even when the applause of thanks from the crowd broke out for the Veterans, the people didn't stop to applaud...they continued to leave.

It saddened me to have to answer my kids' questions of, "Why?", in terms of why they had left. I was at a loss for words...no answer would have made things seem clear to them or to me.

It saddened me because we live in this Western world bubble. Blind to all that has happened in the past, blind to all that's currently happening and blind to all that could possibly happen in the future. War is something that hasn't been experienced personally by most, so it brings a false sense of safety & that brings forth ignorance and lack of respect.

I sat in the arena today and spoke briefly with Little Miss about her middle name & about the person who's name she shares. See that person is my great aunt...she was an AMAZING woman. My great grandfather & my great uncle fought in different battles, but they both fought in them. When my great uncle was overseas, he met my great aunt. They were married and she came back to Canada, where she waited, alongside his family, for him to return home. My great uncle returned safely...he passed away years later from complications due to an injury sustained during the war. My great aunt was a war bride. She survived longer than her husband. She was able to live the life of freedom he and others had fought so selflessly for. Given any opportunity she would share her story with people. She knew the importance of telling the story forward so that people wouldn't lose sight of the freedom we have. She made sure we always had that importance at the forefront of our minds.

That is why it's vital to me that my children know the importance of never forgetting and never taking things for granted. Today's events that I witnessed just intensified how vital it is to impress the importance of remembrance on my children's lives & and my own, today and every day that comes before us!

Terry Kelly - A Pittance of Time (Official Version)

Whispers

"Right where I am I will do my best to breathe God's light into our world."

"Right where I am I will do my best to make our organization healthy."

"Right where I am I will not use anger as a leadership tool."

"Right where I am I will see to help solve addictive behaviours that numb my mind."

"Right where I am I will own up to what I've done wrong & make it right."

"We will reach out to the untouched & untouchables."

I went to a Leadership conference this past weekend. I came into it with some huge reservations & and also with some things that were crippling me. See, I had allowed something to take place in my heart that was very dangerous. I had bought into the lies of the "enemy" in a spiritual sense. I was at a place of believing I was failing at a whole lot of things, didn't believe that I was doing anything of worth in the many roles I find myself in and that someone more qualified probably should've attended the conference.

The phrases above were stated in the first 30 seconds of the introduction for the conference. And from that moment on, my pen flew on the pages of my notebook, frantically trying to get everything down. To sum things up in a nutshell...this conference messed me up big time! But that wasn't a bad thing, because I truly believe I needed to be messed up to begin realigning my mindset on life.

By the end of the first night's sessions, I got in my van to drive home. When I got home, I finished up some work and then broke down. Those sessions had messed with and that was a good thing. They constantly talked about NOT QUITTING...PRESSING ON...always remembering that you are a treasured child of the most high God and that He'll always be with you and NEVER leave you!

The one speaker spoke about quieting ourselves and listening to God's whispers. He talked about the fact God's whispers are often short...then he gave a list of some whispers:

1. Don't quit

2. Step up

3. Take the risk (You've been too safe)

4. Apologize now

5. Make the tough decision

6. Get help

7. Stop running from God

8. Slow down

9. Show your heart (Your team needs it)

10. Let others lead

11. Feed your soul

12. Bless the team

13. Make the ask (I need your help...courageous leaders make the ask)

14. Doing something more impactful

15. Come clean

16. Embody the vision

17. Celebrate the victories

18. Speak the truth

19. Pay the price

20. Count your blessings

21. End the secret

22. Check your motives

23. Set the pace

24. Give God your best

25. Get physically fit

26. Serve your spouse/kids

27. Pray

28. Humble yourself

Many of the whispers in this list were echoed repeatedly throughout the course of that night and the next day. It was overwhelming powerful...I don't think I could have guessed what was coming when I stepped into that building to partake of that conference! We took in a whole lot of awesome information and we were given many reflective questions & I've come home with a whole lot to process.

That night, one of the things we were asked to do was this:

"For the next couple of days, ask God to speak & listen for what He's saying. Later on we were instructed to take a minute right then and there to listen to God. Then we were to write down what He had said, if anything was said."

As I sit here with my notebook opened to that page, I'm blown away by what I wrote down in a couple of reflection times about what God said. He repeatedly spoke love, worth, peace & strength into my life...all of which was so badly needed. I thought I was the wrong person to be there, but God knew that was exactly where I was supposed to be and He ensured I knew He had shown up.

So I'll end things like this...

Do you believe that God still speaks today? Have you totally surrendered to God? Or are you just living out a script? Will you do everything in your power to hear His voice & heed it? Take a minute to listen God and see what He might be wanting to whisper to you!

A Clean Slate

"I'm thankful that each day is a brand new one...a clean slate...a chance to continue to press on...simply doing life & embracing all there is to experience, if only I have the resolve to keep my eyes forward & not allow them to shift back to that which I can't change."

This morning when I logged onto Facebook, this was what came to mind, so it was what got posted as my status update for the day. A lot of things have been flying through my head and the underlying themes with everything is that I can't change the past, and going through life, looking back & beating myself up for every mistake & short-coming I've ever had will do no good and will only deter the forward motion that I'm created to have. But, the reality is that this falls into my hands. I am the only one who can find and keep the resolve to place my eyes forward and keep them there. So, I'm desperately trying to do that today and will wake up tomorrow and desperately try to do it again. And hopefully down the road, it will be a more natural & calm choice, instead of continuing to be a desperate action .

Martina McBride - Anyway

Peaceful Conflict Resolution

Peaceful Conflict Resolution

Respect the right to disagree.

Express your real concerns.
Share common goals and interests.

Open yourself to different points of view.

Listen carefully to all proposals.

Understand the major issues involved.

Think about probable consequences.

Imagine several possible alternative solutions.

Offer some reasonable compromises.

Negotiate mutually fair cooperative agreements.

--Robert E. Valett

Came across this in my drafts. I saw it last year on a poster which was hanging in the lunchroom I helped out in. I Googled it and printed out a copy which now hangs on the wall in my office, as a daily reminder of how I need to approach my job and life in general. I actually really want to print out another copy and hang it on the bulletin board in our kitchen...I think it could bring forth some really rich discussions.

I like the fact the first thing stressed is that it's OKAY to disagree and further down the list it also speaks about being open to different points of view. It then goes on to speak about the importance of voicing your real concerns, making sure you are hearing all points of view & proposals, think about reasonable outcomes and more to make sure you examine more than one outcome ('cause there's never really just one answer to a situation).

What struck me when I first saw this poster, and which continues to, is that if we start living these points out in our lives, I think we would find ourselves closer to being connected more fully with those around us. We would become a much more understanding people. We would begin to love and live life in a totally different way. And I think that new way of living out life would be much closer to how Jesus lived His life and deep down I believe He probably desires for us to live our lives.

Well, those are my thoughts at least...

Synchronicity

This fall, after throwing out every excuse in the book (and there were A LOT in that list), I found myself saying yes to taking a class that was being offered at our church. This class is different than anything I've ever taken. It brought me out of my comfort zone, on many levels, right from the start. But now that I'm 3 1/2 months into it, I look back and realize that it's been a very good thing.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about the fact, that more than once what's been discussed in class has come up in our church's Sunday morning sermon, which has allowed the dialogue to continue on in my brain.

"see, that's the kind of synchronicity we can expect when we're letting God speak through seemingly random spiritual disciplines."

My friend answered back about how cool the synchronicity is that happens when we let God speak through seemingly random things. Yeah it's very cool...on multiple levels. That synchronicity has me thinking often on the gravity of being open enough to let God speak through every aspect of life, even the ones that don't have any connection in our mind or those that we don't really think anything could be spoken through. It comes with the responsibility of being prepared to go deeper...and to embrace all that entails. To look deep within...to hear the, "Whys and questions" which will inevitably come out of that process. Being prepared to face those, "Whys and questions" that surface and both the good & the bad that comes from that. It means being willing to peel away the layers of this life and honestly find answers...not to just fly off quick and easy surface responses, but instead to allow deep and purposeful responses to arise.

What I'm finally beginning to realize, is that the journey deeper is one which will eventually bring you to a place of realizing how awesome His love is for each one of us. It will bring forth the challenge to see yourself through His eyes...to see all that He sees when He looks at you, rather than viewing yourself through human eyes.

For me, even though it's a really cool process to experience, I also find it very scary at times. But then I look back and see where I've come from and that brings forth strength to journey on...to jump the hurdles of fear and to continue to penetrate deeper. Inevitably I've found myself going down some of the tunnels of life that I said I would never visit again...sometimes coming back out of them seeing things in a very different light than I ever saw them before or simply coming back out feeling a little less entrapped by the anger, pain, confusion, etc. of some of those tunnels.

“You’re my son (daughter). I’m crazy about you and well into everything you do.” (Rob Lacey)

This quote was read at the end of our service on Sunday...the daughter portion was added in for those of us who were of the female variety in the crowd. I found a lot of comfort in it...in knowing that no matter what, I have a Heavenly Father who's crazy about every aspect of me. And I was challenged...to begin living my life with that same kind of love. To live life with a deep love... in every circumstance I find myself. A deep love that I'll readily offer to every person that crosses my path, including the one I see in the mirror each day and also to the Heavenly Father who never leaves my side.

Mr Bean - Nativity Scene

Christmas Turkey

Mr. Bean Christmas On the Street

We've had an awesome time celebrating with family today. Our kids received the Mr. Bean box set and we've spent some quality time laughing at our favourite Mr. Bean Christmas scenes.

Who Am I?

Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell's confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
Compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farwell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine!

~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity."

~ Jeremiah 29.11-14

Hmmm...the one verse that characterizes the journey of our family. One that we look to often, even more so in times of crisis. And tonight this picture seems to fit the verse like a glove in my mind for one reason or another. Maybe because the pictures signifies a time when I encountered God in a very real way...brings me back to this really peaceful moment and place found in this beautiful country ravaged by civil war.

But the other reason is that it signifies for me a visual of what it takes to completely and totally trust that He does indeed have plans for you. And then not only to trust that, but to give up control and let yourself be led down the path He has in mind, even though you can't see what's around the corner.

Never an easy thing...especially when through our human eyes the path He's directing towards seems far from what we might consider a hopeful future.

Thank You

I found myself writing in my journal yesterday for what seemed like the first time in a very long time. The past while I've lost track of many things, especially of who I truly am and what things I need to do in order to truly commune with God, even on the simplest of levels.

Yesterday as I wrote I began to say, "Thank You" to God for Sunday. This past Sunday, He set things up so that I ended coming into church late. My kids were sitting with my sister and because I couldn't find them, I snuck in the back row...it was empty and I felt draw to sit there. And then began one of the most amazing experiences I've had with God in quite a while. I met with Him just like it was the first time. Despite the fact the room was really full, it was like there wasn't a single soul in that room except God and I. And as in the picture above, my arms were raised and I felt His Spirit gently wrapping around me, making it ever known that He was right there with me.

Honestly, I've been living in the wilderness for a while...am still probably on the fringe. But on Sunday He made it known that no matter where I walk, He'll also be right there with me...even though I might not feel like He is.

I've been listening to this song almost daily...it seems a fitting way to end this post. He truly does take us as He finds us and uses us for His purposes, because He truly is mighty to save.

Mighty to Save
Hillsong Australia

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus. (x4)

Breaking Free of the Addiction

Addiction
A physical or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, such as a drug or alcohol. In physical addiction, the body adapts to the substance being used and gradually requires increased amounts to reproduce the effects originally produced by smaller doses.




The one thing I've already realized this year is how easy a person can allow themselves to become enslaved to something without even realizing they were enslaved at all.

And yes, this image is portraying what I allowed my body to become enslaved to. Yes, I purchased it and drank it, but didn't realize how much I was consuming. How do you not know this? I don't really have a good answer for you, except to say DENIAL!!

So I've started this year off on an interesting note. I told God that I want to be free of this. I want to come to him for all things, instead of turning to consuming something when under stress, etc. I made the decision to quit purchasing and consuming and quit cold turkey.

Have to confess that I don't know if the cold turkey method was the right approach to take. It's definitely been a much harder road than I thought it would ever be. As in the words of a friend..."it's really eating at you, isn't it!" Yes, it is eating at me...more some days than others. Would love to say that I can walk by a huge display in the store and I don't give it a second thought, but that would definitely be a lie.

But every day that ends as another one free of that substance entering my body is an awesome thing. And the differences in attitude and ability to handle stress and work load have been eye-opening. I'm a different person and that difference makes me a much better wife, mom, friend, co-worker, etc. and that's the best reason of all to continue on the journey to be free of it!

State of Refusal

Have you ever known you were supposed to step out in faith and do something? A time when He's deeply speaking, it makes complete sense and feels right? But yet you made the choice to refuse based on residue from a past attempt to step out?

Who knows, maybe I'm just crazy, but that's very much where I am. God's telling me to go and I want to badly, but there have been questions posed about things in the past and questioning of why I really think I'm supposed to go, that I don't know if I'm can put myself out there just o be stomped down yet again.

Why the picture? That's where He's telling me I'm supposed to go...since the day we returned from there a couple of years ago He's been speaking that I needed to prepare to go back. Last year I even filled out a ton of paperwork in preparation to apply to go and ended up ripping it up and throwing it away, because some questions I fielded caused me to question and buy into the fact I'm never going back, that I'm not able to be a good enough team member...one whom can work through all people in whatever circumstances present themselves, that I'm a mom and too old to be on a team and therefore do not fit the mold of what a team member should be.

So now I sit, and right now, in a state of refusal. It's basically a protection of the heart...trying to avoid any more hurt than that which has already come. There aren't many words to say what that feels like...basically...crushed and heart broken...and wondering why God allowed my heart to meet, fellowship and begin to love people and a place so deeply, when He knew that would cause me to want to go back and minister in whatever was required of me, yet only to make it seem impossible to ever go back, even though He's saying to.

So now I sit at a crossroads...to drop the refusal and step out, despite what others might think, to step out but go somewhere completely different and see what comes from it or to risk not going anywhere at all.

2 Minutes of Silence

Brokenness

As I attended a city-wide prayer service tonight, I found myself grabbing paper and allowing myself to worship and pray with paper and a pen. To many it might seem like jibberish, but to me it's a snapshot of who He is at different points in my life. Things He is to me...the picture above is from a different time, but it's reassuring to me to look at this and know that no matter what's going on in life, I'm able to hold tight to Him. Because with Him all things are possible...

I've been on a fast from music for a couple of days and as I logged on to write something, these were the first lyrics I fell upon (yes, I have quite a few lyrics stored up in my drafts section...past lyrics heard often spark a blog in my mind). So now as I formulate what to say I have this song playing.

Broken and Beautiful
Mark Schultz

There’s a businessman

There’s a widowed wife

There’s a smiling face with a shattered life

There’s a teenage girl with a choice to make

It’s crowded here in church today

And the preacher says as the sermon ends

Please close your eyes and bow your heads

Is there anyone in need of prayer

Jesus wants to meet you here ‘cause we all fall short

We all have sinned

But when you let God’s Grace break in…

(Chorus)

It’s beautiful

Beautiful

Come as you are

Surrender your heart

Broken and beautiful

Well he’d never been to church before

But he came today as a last resort

His world was crashing in

And he was suffocating in his sin

But tears ran down

As hope rushed in

He closed his eyes

Raised his hands

Worshiping the God who can

Bring him back to life again

(Chorus)

Cause there’s nothing more beautiful to God

Than when his sons and daughters come

Broken

Alleluia

Alleluia

Come as you are

(Chorus)

Broken and beautiful

Beautiful

This song reminds me so much of the journey I'm on. I'm a pretty private person, so the journey's not something I discuss with many people. But I will say that there's huge freedom when you're able to come to the point of realizing it's okay to be broken...that it's a truly beautiful thing...to be broken. He's so much more at ease with us being broken then trying to give off a perception of anything else.

Coming to a place of accepting what He already knows, sees and loves, so as to grow closer to Him and stronger for Him. A pretty important life goal to have...a goal that takes longer for some to see than others. But in all reality, the time length doesn't matter to Him...the commitment to that goal is what matters in His eyes.

Worth...

“The Christian self-image means understanding that your worth is found in your amazing dignity as God's image bearer.”

~ Point of Grace