Blending in and Silent....

Have you ever felt like this guy? So small in such a huge world...so many obstacles and everything else that you don't even know where to go, what to do? That you just want to do all you can to simply 'blend' into your surroundings...go unnoticed, causing the smallest amount of trouble, grief, etc. to those around you.

I've been feeling like this guy for quite a while now. Tried to ignore it, which severely backfired in many ways, shapes and forms. Probably did more damage than good...to me and to countless others around me. Now I simply want to lie low, 'blend' in and have things be as uneventful as possible...at least for a time.

I've really battled what to do with my blog and my blogging 'voice'. I was going to delete it completely, until I could come back stronger, but then I would lose contact with my blogger friends and that's definitely something I don't want to occur. I guess this is my compromise for the time being. A open-ended post, which offers no apparent restart date, but lets you know what's up. Many of you know how to contact me outside of this blog...please do...I would love to catch up and keep in contact. I will drop by every so often to say hi on your blogs and will probably sneak by my own to check the comment box now and then.

I know blogs are often an online journal...mine's a mixture of things, including this avenue. But I guess the bottom line is that sometimes things aren't meant to be voiced through this avenue. And until a time when I feel my voice is stable and strong, I don't want to risk letting it sound on this venue. Yeah, I guess that's all I'm gonna give for an explanation.

Blessings to y'all while I'm silent and we'll see y'all when I come back...

"Family of Jacob, the Lord created you. People of Israel, he formed you. He says, "Do not be afraid. I will set you free. I will send for you by name. You belong to me. You will pass through deep waters. But I will be with you. You will pass through the rivers. But their waters will not sweep over you. You will walk through fire. But you will not be burned. The flames will not harm you. I am the Lord your God. I am the Holy One of Israel. I am the one who saves you. I will give up Egypt to set you free. I will give up Cush and Seba for you. You are priceless to me. I love you and honor you. So I will trade other people for you. I will give up other nations to save your lives. Do not be afraid. I am with you."

~ Isaiah 43:1-5(a)

Undo-Rush of Fools

I just heard this song on Following the Herd's blog...I really needed to hear it today. Chances are I'll have to listen to it again in the future, so I'm posting it to make it easier to find!

Life....

Inadequate...that's the word of today, this month and all I see in the future right now.

Yeah, I know any thing's possible with Him and that He's right beside me every step. But sometimes He feels closer and sometimes He feels really far away. Or maybe it's just that I'm so lacking in something right now, that the above facade ends up occurring in my mind.

You know, my faith will always be strong in Him, even though some days it might not seem that way. That faith which never goes away is why I am able to endure, even when the light at the end of the tunnel seems to have disappeared.

I'm thanking God that He's blessed me with a man by my side who stands strong with me, even when things are so hairy, in so many departments. That man always tells me that I'm anything but inadequate, even though he knows I might not see it at the present time.

Writing Moods

I really haven't been in a writing mood lately...at least in the form which usually takes shape on Cindertales. What to say...today is a "snow day" here in Saskatchewan. The exact reason why I never plant anything before the long weekend and I guess this year, you'd be smart to wait closer to the beginning of June!

Jollybeggar has a really good shortword over at northVUs...made me sit back and take note. As for Cindertales...I've been in a place where I'm listening to a lot of music and so that's what I'm beginning to post more and more music in amongst my blog posts. I'm beginning to do some bible studies about the Women of the Bible, so maybe you'll see some posts on that in the future.

Things are busy, sometimes overwhelming and that doesn't always leave lots of time for a lot of things. I don't like living life stagnant, but chaotic isn't always fun either. So there's that continual learning game of balance. Thankful...that's the mood for the day!

Your Name by Paul Baloche (New)

I have this song by a different group, but Paul Baloche is the original writer of it. I have been listening to it a lot lately.

The soul filler...pillar of strength, peace and so much more...this huge and awesome shelter, no matter what may come to pass...His presence blankets over and goes with you like a protective cover and guidance.

I'm learning through time that just because you have all of that with you, it doesn't mean everything will be peachy, but manageable. I couldn't even imagine doing any of this life without that presence by my side.

This is part of my new start to the day, so up onto the blog it must go!

Lessons Learned...

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

~ Matthew 11:28-30

I'm learning a pretty valuable lesson this weekend. Yeah, you need to come to Him...get away with Him and recover your life. But that doesn't always mean being just you and Him...most times it means exactly the opposite. This weekend, He is showing me that if I am truly attentive to my surroundings and to what the promptings of my heart, then I will know exactly where to go to find Him and take a rest. Yes, it meant completely getting away from my regular surroundings, but we are together as a family and resting, because we have simply broke up the routine of what usually goes on at home.

I was talking with someone near the end of the week, about the fact that much of this life for me continues to be a huge learning process and probably always will. I have learned more about myself the past year than I knew for many years before that. It comes in spurts and a variety of ways and degrees...never a dull moment and always some very interesting findings.

The lovely weather changes are playing havoc with me...I thought I had a cold, but after doing some weeding with my 'lil sis for a while, I'm wondering if it's not allergies that I'm battling. So I'm off to rest a little...listen to some music and read in my Bible. Then back out to spend some time with my family and begin to explore more deeply living life freer and lighter!

Stupid Button....

I run for dear life to God, I'll never live to regret it. Do what you do so well: get me out of this mess and up on my feet. Put your ear to the ground and listen, give me space for salvation. Be a guest room where I can retreat; you said your door was always open! You're my salvation—my vast, granite fortress.

My God, free me from the grip of Wicked, from the clutch of Bad and Bully. You keep me going when times are tough—my bedrock, God, since my childhood. I've hung on you from the day of my birth, the day you took me from the cradle; I'll never run out of praise. Many gasp in alarm when they see me, but you take me in stride.

Just as each day brims with your beauty, my mouth brims with praise. But don't turn me out to pasture when I'm old or put me on the shelf when I can't pull my weight. My enemies are talking behind my back, watching for their chance to knife me. The gossip is: "God has abandoned him. Pounce on him now; no one will help him."

God, don't just watch from the sidelines. Come on! Run to my side! My accusers—make them lose face. Those out to get me—make them look like idiots, while I stretch out, reaching for you, and daily add praise to praise. I'll write the book on your righteousness, talk up your salvation the livelong day, never run out of good things to write or say. I come in the power of the Lord God, I post signs marking his right-of-way.

You got me when I was an unformed youth, God, and taught me everything I know. Now I'm telling the world your wonders; I'll keep at it until I'm old and gray. God, don't walk off and leave me until I get out the news of your strong right arm to this world, news of your power to the world yet to come, your famous and righteous ways, O God. God, you've done it all! Who is quite like you? You, who made me stare trouble in the face, turn me around; Now let me look life in the face. I've been to the bottom; bring me up, streaming with honors; turn to me, be tender to me, and I'll take up the lute and thank you to the tune of your faithfulness, God. I'll make music for you on a harp, Holy One of Israel. When I open up in song to you, I let out lungsful of praise, my rescued life a song. All day long I'm chanting about you and your righteous ways, while those who tried to do me in slink off looking ashamed.

~Psalm 71 (MSG)


I've been thinking a lot about this passage...you know I never do regret running to Him. He is such a safe haven...my most peaceful refuge...MY ROCK! It seems some weeks like He's constantly at work to get me out of messes. It just seems that sometimes I know how hit the stupid button every single time. It might seem like I'm trying to do the best in a situation, but it ends up doing the very opposite.

I'm sick and getting sicker by the minute. Tomorrow's filled with doctor's appointments and hopefully it will prove to some relief in the future. I'm tired...but it'll all pass in the timing that it's supposed to...

So Much of Everything

Love

Peace

Joy

Hope

Strength

Endurance

Faithfulness

Perseverance

Never-Ending

Always Present

You are these and so much more to me each and everyday. No matter has came, what is here or that which is yet to come...you are there. What I am on my own is nothing in comparison to what I am in You! You show me things about myself I didn't know existed...You push me to be more then I ever dreamed possible to be...You strengthen me to persevere through, even when I'd rather sit down and give up. No amount of words can truly express who You truly are and all that You truly do.

All Things Are Possible

Darlene Zschech

Almighty God my Redeemer, my hiding place, my strong refuge

No other name like Jesus, no power can stand against you

My feet are planted on this rock and I will not be shaken

My hope it comes from you alone, my Rock and my Salvation

Your praise is always on my lips, your Word is living in my heart

And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will bless you Lord

You fill my life with greater joy, as I delight myself in you

And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will bless you Lord

My feet are planted on this rock and I will not be shaken

My hope it comes from you alone, my Rock and my Salvation

Your praise is always on my lips, your Word is living in my heart

And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will be bless you Lord

You fill my life with greater joy, as I delight myself in you

And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will bless you Lord

When I am weak you make me strong,

When I'm poor, I know I'm rich for in the power of your name

All things are possible, all things are possible

Refreshment...

"OUR DEEPEST fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. "We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

(Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love; HarperCollins, 1992)

I was at a Women's conference this weekend and this passage was quoted. It really caused me to look back over the past while and truly examine all aspects of my life. It took me inward, because it speaks so much truth. We are truly all meant to SHINE in this life. The way in which we SHINE will be different for each individual, because He so carefully and lovingly created us with that immense individuality. And when we begin to want to SHINE, it is infectious in a very good way.

I came away from the weekend with a lot of things...here's just a few:

One...we all have our own unique make up and those make ups have their strengths and weaknesses. The way to optimize how God has created us is to 'maximize our strengths and minimize our weaknesses.'

Two...God doesn't place anything within our past that He wishes to be wasted. By talking with people, sharing and using whatever other avenues available, we are able to take even the bad and create good through it.

Three...it doesn't matter how many people you forgive, if you haven't forgiven yourself, you will never acquire true peace and freedom.

Four...listen hard to that inner voice, as that's the most optimal way God finds to voice direction to us and bring strength, peace, love and comfort in all circumstances.

Five...everything must have a home. An uncluttered life begins with an uncluttered home.

In amongst the sessions, we were treated to a banquet on Friday night, lunch Saturday, along with some really yummy desserts. I also got to have a mini manicure...the first one I've had since I got married. It was very long overdue and so very awesome!

I think what I loved the most about the conference were the awesome women from my church that I was blessed to attend this conference with. This was a great opportunity to get to know each other a little better and to have great times of fellowship! I came home very refreshed and will definitely be gathering a group of women to attend this conference next year.

Love...

**My son brought this home for me the other day from school. He had a big grin on his face and simply said, "Here ya go mommy!" My oldest is growing into a man more every day, but I think that they always remember their mommy's love, no matter how old they become or where they go. Just the same, no matter how old they get or where they go, their mommy will always love them with all she's got.**

My Mother

She's always working hard at home,

Or busy at her job.

She's always reading stories, too,

Or teaching me a game.

And whether I've been bad or good,

She loves me just the same.

Stand Beside

The bad thing about having an artistic bend is that I tend to be a little disorganized when it comes to my writing. I remembered that I had wrote something a while back, but couldn't find it. See, this often happens because I've written it on a card envelope, a piece of paper that I found by the wayside or on another paper which got filed away because of the purpose it was serving.

I came across this poem...I wrote it about at LEAST a month ago on a piece of scrap paper along with a whole smack of scriptures ;D! I thought I would share...this is definitely an interesting journey without a lot of predictability most weeks and even day-to-day, but you know, that's an okay thing. I'm gonna end off with one of the scriptures that was written on the page...you can always seemingly tie things together, even though they might not have been intended that way.


And I'll never quit this trek with you,
Even though I go astray.
I always know you're by my side,
No matter what may pass my way.

But does that mean no bumps in sight?
Does that mean no heartache or demise?
All it truly means is never being alone,
Always having You there beside me.

Is it a lack of trust or shortness of sight?
Do I lack the faith to truly do this fight?
Is there ever a blue print for how things play out?
Or simply knowing that you know and that's all that ever matters.

You give me the strength to carry on when I don't want to,
You stay by my side even though I say to go.
You never give up on me, even when I've given up on myself,
Always there to love and draw me near.

A Father's love is what you offer,
To all who want it and call out to you to have it.
A simple promise to always stand beside,
Until the day that journey to You is complete.

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Give thanks no matter what happens. God wants you to thank him because you believe in Christ Jesus.

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

the stand - hillsong united

**So I tried to post this multiple times yesterday (Wednesday) and there was no way it would. So we try yet again...**

I have been listening to "The Stand" a lot today and wanted to post it, 'cause then it'll be easier for me to access ;D!

I missed my doctor's appointment Tuesday night, due to an impromptu soccer meeting which couldn't be skipped, and am now feeling the effects of the fact I really needed to get there. I'm really tired...wishing for the day when I can actually live my life infection-free. I'm feeling like I've missed so much of the past 4 1/2 years and I really don't want to miss anymore. Learning to embrace life at the fullest, no matter how hard that is some days. It's an extremely hard task, but so very essential.

It's so beautiful here today...supposed to be really warm. I'm trying hard to see it as His love, peace, grace and sheltering arms shining so readily down today. Looking to anything I can, which will give me the strength to live out this day to the fullest and not simply survive yet another day!

Yeah..

Perfection

I took a picture of this poster when we were touring Lanka Bible College while in Sri Lanka this summer. It's one of our family's verses and I just LOVED how the artist had used the colours and the curves to portray the different parts of the verse.

This weekend I went to the Bible store to try and find some posters which would be a good 'fit' in my new office. Something that would be tasteful, yet scream 'Cinder' all the same. I was going through the posters, beginning with the little ones and when I came to the bigger ones, this was the first poster I set eyes on. I just kept saying, "I found my Sri Lanka poster with my theme verse...it's PERFECT!" And indeed it is perfect to me on the wall...it's my theme and brings back some really awesome memories and a reminder of what God does when you truly do step out in faith and obediently walk where He's calling you.

I'm really rather tired this week...learning to juggle three sports schedules, in amongst quarter-time work, teaching and then those normal responsibilities of life...being a wife, mother and everything else I tend to be in a day. I'm hoping to get to my doctor tonight and am optimistic that we'll come to a good plan about how to treat the whole health issue going on. I know this is heaping more fatigue and stuff on me, but life does go on and I think my mandate right now, is to simply live life to the fullest and be all that He's calling me to be. He's there, allowing for those little pockets of reprieve, amongst the huge busyness of life. I feel like I'm exactly where He wants me to be right now and I can't express the peace that brings.

We sang this song on Sunday at church. It's one of my new favorites and just lifts me every time we sing it. It allows me to feel closer to Him...gives me a charge to live stronger for Him...to be more attentive and quiet so as to hear His promptings...to just take comfort in knowing He's always there to take it all off our shoulders.


The Stand
by Hillsong United / Album: United We Stand (2006)
You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory

Life in His Way

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.

Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master.

Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don't take advantage of them.

Children, do what your parents tell you. This delights the Master no end.

Parents, don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits.

Servants, do what you're told by your earthly masters. And don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn't cover up bad work.

~ Colossians 3:12-25 (The Message)