Hello, Where Are You?

Travelling through 6 states & 2 provinces to a family reunion, riding the Maid of the Mist right up beside Niagara Falls, travelling over Mackinac Bridge and visiting the beautiful Upper Peninsula of Michigan, seeing 4 out of 5 Great Lakes and experiencing God's awesome creation together as a family...

PRICELESS

Yes, that's where I've been and it was an awesome time. There will be pictures and many reflections to come. But for now, we'll just work on settling back in to normal life ;D!

I know I have posted this song before by the original writer, but this is the version I listen to often.

Until My Last Breath

Oh my Lord,
How I love you.

You are my strength,
You are the wind beneath my wings.
When I am down,
You are there to lift me up.
In Your eyes I'm beautiful,
And I know I can do all things through You.

Oh how I love you,
More and more with each passing day.
You draw me closer to Your feet,
And shadow me with Your love and grace.
I will praise Your name,
Until my last breath.

Happy Anniversary Sweetie!

It's hard to believe that we're already celebrating 11 years of marriage today. Time flies when you're having fun...He's brought us far ;D! Love, acceptance, support, safety & security...that's what you've brought me sweetie...the best gifts to be given.

I woke up this morning with an episode of the Flintstones singing through my head. The one where Fred's wanting to get Wilma a piano and ends up getting one from 88 Fingers Louie. Being it was such a 'steal of a deal', the cops end up at the house and some of the policeman sing a version of Happy Anniversary that's always stuck. Actually, my sweetie sang it to me before he left for work.

Off to start the day...let the celebrating begin!

Working Minds

"work smart, not hard. there's a motto."

My friend said this to me a while ago and I saved it in my drafts, as it was a pretty powerful word for me to hear. I've been taking that advice the past week. At times I feel a little bit of guilt and have found myself questioning my actions, but at the end of the day and as I see things today, I know my decision-making was correct.

We made the decision to finish school officially at some point last week. We will continue to do work here and there throughout the summer, in preparation for Little Mister to make a smooth transition back into the public school system, but as for clearly defined school days, they are finished. As soon as that decision was made, I felt the hugest weight fall off of my shoulders. I can simply be a mommy again. I can spend my days cleaning house, playing with my kids, vegging, going to work, etc. Even though I'm still battling illness, it seems I am more able to fight than I was a couple of weeks ago. I guess the lifting of weights will do that to a person.

Tasting the peace and feeling the quiet...truly awesome!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."

~Hebrews 12:1

Paul Baloche - All The Earth Will Sing Your Praises

We ended off our Easter service with this song. I hadn't sang it again and was part of the team...it was such an energized song...I love it!

You are GOD alone

Another of my favorites...my goal this week is to simply drink Him in through music, His word and everyone He places along my path!

Retrospect

It's interesting when you begin looking in retrospect at life, that you realize some things. It's not that they weren't evident right in the midst of everything, but at the time, things just felt so overwhelming that it wouldn't have mattered whether or not you could see them clearly, changes might not have been made until now anyways.

Tonight is the first in a month and a half that we don't have to run anyone to soccer. We don't have to juggle three schedules over the span of 4 days, in amongst every day life as well. We've seriously been lacking in the together time department...time as a family, time as a couple and just down time. This was the first year of having to go at that insane pace with three in soccer. I have to admit that we are already questioning whether we will make that choice next year. Just as the people of this world, our kids have vastly different personalities. Different personalities mean trying real hard as a parent to not conform your child to one specific sport, etc.

And school is also winding down for me teaching-wise. With being sick, this teaching year has been extremely hard at times. We've tried our best and Little Mister wants to be in the big school this fall, so we'll be working to prepare, as we feel this will be the best move for both of us. It'll allow me to simply be a mom again and that's huge right now!

I'm looking forward to a week with a lot more downtime, which will hopefully equal a more sane mommy. You know, there's still things there...waiting for lab tests to come back, still waiting to hear from a specialist about an appointment, after 4 months gone by...but not doing them alone, makes them fall into place on the perspective line. Can't change it, but will try my hardest to not let it beat me down either. Some days are easier than others, but that's life.

Gromit

Well being I haven't really been in a writing mood, I completely forgot to post a picture of our newest addition.

This is Gromit, named after the english cartoon Wallace and Gromit. He is 10 weeks old and fitting into our household nicely. He has the most awesome demeanor we could ask for with three kids around, who want to chase, mull and overly love him. He's grown in the week we've had him and is beginning to show a little personality.

Took me a while to be won over about getting a dog, but I love having him around. He's a good cuddler and greets me with the biggest smile and kiss when I've been away from home.

But, I'm signing off now, 'cause it's bedtime up here...blessings!

How R U?

I hate the question, "How R U?" It's gotta rank on my most detestable questions to have to try and answer, especially lately. When you don't even really know how you are, let alone what's wrong...how on earth are you supposed to be able to answer it in a way that people will actually understand it and not think you are just out of it or really weirdly off some deep end somewhere.

I guess you could say that's why I haven't wanted to write on this venue...I guess the truth of the matter is that I feel out of it and don't have a clue how to explain it. The only thing I know is that it causes me to not be able to think straight, formulate words enough to write, let alone want to carry on conversations with people some days. Makes life really difficult and sometimes leaves me wondering about many things.

"Being created in the image of God means that we were created to look like God - not on the outside, but in our character and in our souls." (Point of Grace)

I read this quote yesterday and it kinda stopped me dead in my tracks. I don't see myself in a very good light lately and so I have a hard time believing that my character and soul are looking anything like God. I took a lot of comfort in this quote despite anything else which might have flew through my mind.

I guess right now I'm simply at a point where I want certain things to be completed and out of my life. I want my life to regain some semblance of before, yet keep many aspects of the now and the future. I believe we are put into situations for a time and a purpose. God will use situations to grow us...even though they might seen unbearable and no end in sight, we end up taking a lot from them.

I guess the only answer I can give to the, "How R U?" right now is...I'm doing okay. I'm tired, but hanging in there and attempting to rest in Him.

Blending in and Silent....

Have you ever felt like this guy? So small in such a huge world...so many obstacles and everything else that you don't even know where to go, what to do? That you just want to do all you can to simply 'blend' into your surroundings...go unnoticed, causing the smallest amount of trouble, grief, etc. to those around you.

I've been feeling like this guy for quite a while now. Tried to ignore it, which severely backfired in many ways, shapes and forms. Probably did more damage than good...to me and to countless others around me. Now I simply want to lie low, 'blend' in and have things be as uneventful as possible...at least for a time.

I've really battled what to do with my blog and my blogging 'voice'. I was going to delete it completely, until I could come back stronger, but then I would lose contact with my blogger friends and that's definitely something I don't want to occur. I guess this is my compromise for the time being. A open-ended post, which offers no apparent restart date, but lets you know what's up. Many of you know how to contact me outside of this blog...please do...I would love to catch up and keep in contact. I will drop by every so often to say hi on your blogs and will probably sneak by my own to check the comment box now and then.

I know blogs are often an online journal...mine's a mixture of things, including this avenue. But I guess the bottom line is that sometimes things aren't meant to be voiced through this avenue. And until a time when I feel my voice is stable and strong, I don't want to risk letting it sound on this venue. Yeah, I guess that's all I'm gonna give for an explanation.

Blessings to y'all while I'm silent and we'll see y'all when I come back...

"Family of Jacob, the Lord created you. People of Israel, he formed you. He says, "Do not be afraid. I will set you free. I will send for you by name. You belong to me. You will pass through deep waters. But I will be with you. You will pass through the rivers. But their waters will not sweep over you. You will walk through fire. But you will not be burned. The flames will not harm you. I am the Lord your God. I am the Holy One of Israel. I am the one who saves you. I will give up Egypt to set you free. I will give up Cush and Seba for you. You are priceless to me. I love you and honor you. So I will trade other people for you. I will give up other nations to save your lives. Do not be afraid. I am with you."

~ Isaiah 43:1-5(a)

Undo-Rush of Fools

I just heard this song on Following the Herd's blog...I really needed to hear it today. Chances are I'll have to listen to it again in the future, so I'm posting it to make it easier to find!

Life....

Inadequate...that's the word of today, this month and all I see in the future right now.

Yeah, I know any thing's possible with Him and that He's right beside me every step. But sometimes He feels closer and sometimes He feels really far away. Or maybe it's just that I'm so lacking in something right now, that the above facade ends up occurring in my mind.

You know, my faith will always be strong in Him, even though some days it might not seem that way. That faith which never goes away is why I am able to endure, even when the light at the end of the tunnel seems to have disappeared.

I'm thanking God that He's blessed me with a man by my side who stands strong with me, even when things are so hairy, in so many departments. That man always tells me that I'm anything but inadequate, even though he knows I might not see it at the present time.

Writing Moods

I really haven't been in a writing mood lately...at least in the form which usually takes shape on Cindertales. What to say...today is a "snow day" here in Saskatchewan. The exact reason why I never plant anything before the long weekend and I guess this year, you'd be smart to wait closer to the beginning of June!

Jollybeggar has a really good shortword over at northVUs...made me sit back and take note. As for Cindertales...I've been in a place where I'm listening to a lot of music and so that's what I'm beginning to post more and more music in amongst my blog posts. I'm beginning to do some bible studies about the Women of the Bible, so maybe you'll see some posts on that in the future.

Things are busy, sometimes overwhelming and that doesn't always leave lots of time for a lot of things. I don't like living life stagnant, but chaotic isn't always fun either. So there's that continual learning game of balance. Thankful...that's the mood for the day!

Your Name by Paul Baloche (New)

I have this song by a different group, but Paul Baloche is the original writer of it. I have been listening to it a lot lately.

The soul filler...pillar of strength, peace and so much more...this huge and awesome shelter, no matter what may come to pass...His presence blankets over and goes with you like a protective cover and guidance.

I'm learning through time that just because you have all of that with you, it doesn't mean everything will be peachy, but manageable. I couldn't even imagine doing any of this life without that presence by my side.

This is part of my new start to the day, so up onto the blog it must go!

Lessons Learned...

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

~ Matthew 11:28-30

I'm learning a pretty valuable lesson this weekend. Yeah, you need to come to Him...get away with Him and recover your life. But that doesn't always mean being just you and Him...most times it means exactly the opposite. This weekend, He is showing me that if I am truly attentive to my surroundings and to what the promptings of my heart, then I will know exactly where to go to find Him and take a rest. Yes, it meant completely getting away from my regular surroundings, but we are together as a family and resting, because we have simply broke up the routine of what usually goes on at home.

I was talking with someone near the end of the week, about the fact that much of this life for me continues to be a huge learning process and probably always will. I have learned more about myself the past year than I knew for many years before that. It comes in spurts and a variety of ways and degrees...never a dull moment and always some very interesting findings.

The lovely weather changes are playing havoc with me...I thought I had a cold, but after doing some weeding with my 'lil sis for a while, I'm wondering if it's not allergies that I'm battling. So I'm off to rest a little...listen to some music and read in my Bible. Then back out to spend some time with my family and begin to explore more deeply living life freer and lighter!

Stupid Button....

I run for dear life to God, I'll never live to regret it. Do what you do so well: get me out of this mess and up on my feet. Put your ear to the ground and listen, give me space for salvation. Be a guest room where I can retreat; you said your door was always open! You're my salvation—my vast, granite fortress.

My God, free me from the grip of Wicked, from the clutch of Bad and Bully. You keep me going when times are tough—my bedrock, God, since my childhood. I've hung on you from the day of my birth, the day you took me from the cradle; I'll never run out of praise. Many gasp in alarm when they see me, but you take me in stride.

Just as each day brims with your beauty, my mouth brims with praise. But don't turn me out to pasture when I'm old or put me on the shelf when I can't pull my weight. My enemies are talking behind my back, watching for their chance to knife me. The gossip is: "God has abandoned him. Pounce on him now; no one will help him."

God, don't just watch from the sidelines. Come on! Run to my side! My accusers—make them lose face. Those out to get me—make them look like idiots, while I stretch out, reaching for you, and daily add praise to praise. I'll write the book on your righteousness, talk up your salvation the livelong day, never run out of good things to write or say. I come in the power of the Lord God, I post signs marking his right-of-way.

You got me when I was an unformed youth, God, and taught me everything I know. Now I'm telling the world your wonders; I'll keep at it until I'm old and gray. God, don't walk off and leave me until I get out the news of your strong right arm to this world, news of your power to the world yet to come, your famous and righteous ways, O God. God, you've done it all! Who is quite like you? You, who made me stare trouble in the face, turn me around; Now let me look life in the face. I've been to the bottom; bring me up, streaming with honors; turn to me, be tender to me, and I'll take up the lute and thank you to the tune of your faithfulness, God. I'll make music for you on a harp, Holy One of Israel. When I open up in song to you, I let out lungsful of praise, my rescued life a song. All day long I'm chanting about you and your righteous ways, while those who tried to do me in slink off looking ashamed.

~Psalm 71 (MSG)


I've been thinking a lot about this passage...you know I never do regret running to Him. He is such a safe haven...my most peaceful refuge...MY ROCK! It seems some weeks like He's constantly at work to get me out of messes. It just seems that sometimes I know how hit the stupid button every single time. It might seem like I'm trying to do the best in a situation, but it ends up doing the very opposite.

I'm sick and getting sicker by the minute. Tomorrow's filled with doctor's appointments and hopefully it will prove to some relief in the future. I'm tired...but it'll all pass in the timing that it's supposed to...

So Much of Everything

Love

Peace

Joy

Hope

Strength

Endurance

Faithfulness

Perseverance

Never-Ending

Always Present

You are these and so much more to me each and everyday. No matter has came, what is here or that which is yet to come...you are there. What I am on my own is nothing in comparison to what I am in You! You show me things about myself I didn't know existed...You push me to be more then I ever dreamed possible to be...You strengthen me to persevere through, even when I'd rather sit down and give up. No amount of words can truly express who You truly are and all that You truly do.

All Things Are Possible

Darlene Zschech

Almighty God my Redeemer, my hiding place, my strong refuge

No other name like Jesus, no power can stand against you

My feet are planted on this rock and I will not be shaken

My hope it comes from you alone, my Rock and my Salvation

Your praise is always on my lips, your Word is living in my heart

And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will bless you Lord

You fill my life with greater joy, as I delight myself in you

And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will bless you Lord

My feet are planted on this rock and I will not be shaken

My hope it comes from you alone, my Rock and my Salvation

Your praise is always on my lips, your Word is living in my heart

And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will be bless you Lord

You fill my life with greater joy, as I delight myself in you

And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will bless you Lord

When I am weak you make me strong,

When I'm poor, I know I'm rich for in the power of your name

All things are possible, all things are possible

Refreshment...

"OUR DEEPEST fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. "We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

(Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love; HarperCollins, 1992)

I was at a Women's conference this weekend and this passage was quoted. It really caused me to look back over the past while and truly examine all aspects of my life. It took me inward, because it speaks so much truth. We are truly all meant to SHINE in this life. The way in which we SHINE will be different for each individual, because He so carefully and lovingly created us with that immense individuality. And when we begin to want to SHINE, it is infectious in a very good way.

I came away from the weekend with a lot of things...here's just a few:

One...we all have our own unique make up and those make ups have their strengths and weaknesses. The way to optimize how God has created us is to 'maximize our strengths and minimize our weaknesses.'

Two...God doesn't place anything within our past that He wishes to be wasted. By talking with people, sharing and using whatever other avenues available, we are able to take even the bad and create good through it.

Three...it doesn't matter how many people you forgive, if you haven't forgiven yourself, you will never acquire true peace and freedom.

Four...listen hard to that inner voice, as that's the most optimal way God finds to voice direction to us and bring strength, peace, love and comfort in all circumstances.

Five...everything must have a home. An uncluttered life begins with an uncluttered home.

In amongst the sessions, we were treated to a banquet on Friday night, lunch Saturday, along with some really yummy desserts. I also got to have a mini manicure...the first one I've had since I got married. It was very long overdue and so very awesome!

I think what I loved the most about the conference were the awesome women from my church that I was blessed to attend this conference with. This was a great opportunity to get to know each other a little better and to have great times of fellowship! I came home very refreshed and will definitely be gathering a group of women to attend this conference next year.

Love...

**My son brought this home for me the other day from school. He had a big grin on his face and simply said, "Here ya go mommy!" My oldest is growing into a man more every day, but I think that they always remember their mommy's love, no matter how old they become or where they go. Just the same, no matter how old they get or where they go, their mommy will always love them with all she's got.**

My Mother

She's always working hard at home,

Or busy at her job.

She's always reading stories, too,

Or teaching me a game.

And whether I've been bad or good,

She loves me just the same.